My Little Brother is Getting Bullied. I Need Help!

[Mango_]

Today I found out my little brother is getting bullied.

It started out when my brother was taken to the doctor (today) to get tested to see if he was eligible for focus medication. He is on the autistic spectrum (he doesn't know) but he functions normally enough to get put in normal classes at school. When the doctor told him that he was one out of ten people to have attention deficit disorder, he got upset. Really upset. I am personally myself not at all happy about the way the doctor and my parent broke the news to him, but the damage is done. He now associates himself with "special needs", a category that I think he looks down on. He's 11 years old and in 5th grade. We also heard today that he has been getting bullied at school. Apparently this group of boys have been saying mean things about him while he sits alone and ignores them. He says he has no friends, which is weird because he was just going out with them earlier this month. I myself have never been bullied, but my friends have and I have confronted a bully for my friend. I know that he also tends to have a lot of conflict and drama with his friends.
I really don't know what I can do. My family... is not as close as others. We kinda do our own thing. I can go out if I am responsible and keep my grades above an -A, Brandon (little bro) can do the same if he keeps his grades above a B. I believe my mother is making it worse by FORCING him to talk to her. I told her to let me handle it so now she is expecting answers. I don't want to push him for them though. I want him to tell me when he is more comfortable with it... but I don't know if we have that much time before some real emotional damage happens.
He doesn't have a support system, no one to fall back to. I don't either, really, but that's not the point. We are not that close, but since we are definitely closer than him an Mom I guess I have to make changes so I can help him. This is truly stressing me out and I can't even relate to what he's going through because t has never happened to me before.
He really likes to watch YouTube videos an play video games. He even watches them on his phone at night, much to my parent's dismay when they find him asleep on top of his phone (tbh we both do that). I know that that's not normally healthy, but it helps take his mind of things. I asked my mother to stop taking his phone away. I did this because I reasoned his mental health is like a peice of broken machinery. YouTube videos are distracting. They keep you from thinking. The broken machine stops. No more damage. But, without the distraction, he's sitting there letting his thoughts wonder. I am afraid he can do more damage to himself by just thinking. In this case the broken machine is still running, and that may cause even more damage. Did I make the right choice? This is on me now because I want my brother to walk out of this with no emotional scarring, a higher self-esteem, and still have the motivation to learn and go to school. I just don't know what to do!!

-Mango (not real name)

[hocus pocus]

Hey Mango, welcome to the site.

How do you feel about the decision you made regarding asking your mom not to take your brother's phone away? If you feel like you asked for what was best for your brother, then you made the right decision.

You said you want to talk to him but you don't want to push him. Maybe you can let him know that you are there for him if he'd like to talk about his experiences in school.

Something else you can try is spending extra time with him. You could watch YouTube videos with him, or you could both watch your own videos in the same room. Sometimes just being present with someone helps and this could be especially true if your brother is having a hard time discussing the bullying.

Is therapy an option that is available to your brother? Perhaps you can talk to your mom about considering it if that is an option for you. Your brother might find it easier to talk to someone with an outside perspective, particularly someone he doesn't see everyday. He is younger, so therapy may include playing games, drawing feelings, or just talking, but those things make therapy enjoyable as sometimes just talking and therapy work alone can feel difficult.

Have your parents considered talking to your brother's teachers, or to someone at the school, like a guidance counselor or a principal? Bullying is hard to work on in schools, but working on it at a younger age (such as in elementary school) may be a little easier.

[Mango_]

Thanks for the reply!!

Currently he goes to an expert (we call her Ms. K) but he has been going less and less because that was for his slight autism. He is also not comfortable talking with her and I know this because he has been assigned by her to write about his du every day and he is reluctant to include emotional things such as how he feels and stuff like that.
My brother LOVES playing games! Maybe even too much. I never mentioned that he's really smart, but he can recall any car model and year if you just point to it on the street. He is a little slower at school though, and maybe not the brightest fish in the ocean when it comes to things like English and Marh. But he does currently play hours of video games every week. We've been trying to get him off and engage him in other activities but then he complains because he as would rather be playing video games.
My parents are pretty much one step away from storming in there and asking for answers. I discouraged them to get involved because I know that especially for elementary kids, that can make the bullying worse. I think what he needs is really a group of good friends to sit with and make him feel like he is included and accepted. Mr. Gong (his teacher and a very good one) as been reluctant to step in because of these reasons but he is supporting Brandon in any way he can until we can come to a decision that involves the family input.
I will try to spend that extra time, but our scheduals are way different. I wake up at 6:00 am to got to school and he gets up at 7:00am. I get home and immediately start on homework, which is about two hours. Dinner we sped together but since the whole family is there he is reluctant to talk. And then bedtime and another day. It is only the weekend that I get any downtime with him. We are also very different people. I take school very seriously and he kinda just wants to do the minimum. He also loves all things mechanical and I love all things with cells and organs and that move and live and think. The only thing we can bond over is experiences in school and video games (yes I play them too).
I will really try, and maybe I'll have more information in a few days.

[hocus pocus]

Since he's reluctant to share his feelings, such as when he's with Ms. K, maybe you can encourage him to keep a journal of his feelings. He doesn't have to specifically write about his feelings, but he could write about his day, his video games, or different cars he is interested in.

It is can be true that sometimes teacher or parental involvement can make the bullying worse. Are there any clubs or extracurricular groups your brother can join outside of school to make friends? That could be something to look into.

The two of you may be able to do something together during the week, even though your schedules are very different. For instance, you could get a notebook and write notes back and forth. You could write one at night and leave it for him before he goes to school, and then he can write one during the day and leave it for you after your homework. Something like this could increase communication and strengthen your relationship even if you aren't spending time together because of your schedules.

Feel free to keep us updated!