Bullied by manager at work

[BreathingIn]

I recently began a new job. There are a couple managers who switch their time at the food place I work, and there's one who is completely mean to me for no reason.

I've been getting along with everyone else who works there, and they're all nice to each other. But this one manager yells at me every time she's near me.

I'm a fast learner and have been doing well with the job. But she yells at me very passive aggressively, saying things like "Honey, you need to listen to me! You need to know this! Now go do it!"

She doesn't stop all day long. It's not like she yells at me over one thing. She yells and demands more work from me ALL DAY when she's there. Every second I'm in her presence, she is ordering me around angrily.

She makes me want to quit the job, but I need the money. After all, she's only one person and everyone else is very nice to me and tells me that I'm doing well so far. But on the days she's there and yelling at me the entire time, I come home and cry. It is truly, truly awful. Even with all the nice people, she makes me scared to go into work because if she's there, then I know it is going to be a bad day.

Since I just started the job, I feel I shouldn't go to the bigger manager and explain what's happening, because I don't want to look like I'm complaining already. My family said to give it some time and if she keeps it up, then I can talk to someone higher up.

What would you do? I don't want to quit my job but I don't want to be terrorized by this anymore. Like I said, it upsets me so bad that I come home and cry

[Awakening]

Hey there,

Unfortunately there are often a lot of managers, especially in entry level jobs, who don't know how to behave professionally at all. I've had a few different jobs and I have experienced this kind of thing more than once. I think it's completely unfair that anyone with that kind of attitude would be given the privilege to be a manager, but sometimes that's just the way it is.

I think that your family gave you some good advice. Maybe once you have been working there longer and she sees how well you are doing she will lighten up a little. And if she doesn't you can then decide whether or not you want to talk to another manager.

But I think it would also be a good idea to try not to let it get to you so much. I know that that's easier said than done. I used to work in a fast food restaurant and I would often end up sooo stressed out because they were always understaffed and the manager was not always understanding, and trying to do your job insanely quickly while being yelled at by a manager is so difficult. But you just have to realize that it's not a personal attack and it probably doesn't even have anything to do with you at all; it's simply a problem with their attitude. Just because they don't know how to act professionally or they have a bad attitude doesn't mean that you're not a good worker or that that you're not doing a good job. I know it's hard, but you just have to do your best not to take it personally. There are always going to be a few jerks no matter where you work, and if you let it get to you any time that someone is rude to you, it will be difficult to find any job that you are comfortable with.

[WhisperingSilence]

Hi, I've had similar issues at work. Not with a manager. But with a student who was on a college workplacement - and occaisonally from a supervisor. I put up with it at first from the student simply because at the time I was also a student on a work placement but was doing an apprenticeship rather than like just an college course and was a higher level than the other student - I was also alot younger than the other student and felt like that maybe I was doing something wrong. It got to the point where my manager (I had about 6 managers in the time I worked there) did notice and did like ask me why I'd been keeping quiet. I simply explained it seemed silly to say anything as they were older than me. My manager told me age does not actually matter.. and that she should not be doing what she was it got to the point where she was like throwing my belongings about and being physically and verbally abusive towards in me the work place... My manager sacked her..

My supervisor was a bit like your manager except it seemed my superviosr did actually like want what was best for me - but was just like going about it in the wrong way but constantly shouting at me and such like and trying to get me to do things her way as her way was the right way and you could not argue with her or do anything differently or I would be yelled at and possibly pulled about. Sometimes maybe it was needed the yelling but not constantly. If it was excessive yelling and un-needed my other collegaues would like step in and tell her to back off abit.

I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that is there a way that you could like maybe tell your manager (and that your not the only one whos had like troublesome/problem people who you work with ) 'I get you only want to help me and everything but is there a way you could maybe help me without like constantly yelling at me as its not really helping the situation' or maybe talk to the other people who you work with and see if you can all work together to sort the problem out ? Like you I would come home and often cry if it had been a particulary bad day with either the student or my supervisor. Maybe you could sit down with the manager that is shouting at you and talk this through with them - tell them how their making you feel and explain to them that you get that may only like being trying to help you in the job but yelling at you like the way they are is not like going to help anything and see how it goes ?

How ever with me - once my supervisor found out about the anxiety and depression she felt awful and suddenly wanted to help and support me - of course this all came about after me seeing my Dr and like getting signed off from work. She wasnt really the cause of it - I had and still do have like a load of other stuff going on and with the pressures from work on top was like to much. The thing with my superviosr aswell was the age gap - she was like 30-40 years my age meaning she had rather old fashioned ways of dealing with the younger / juniors in the work place wanting to help them but usually that came in the form of yelling and bossing and her like always wanting to be right.

[xxpaigiexx]

Hey there,

I went through a similar experience when I started my current job. One girl would boss me around. I was the same as you, coming home crying, feeling miserable for a job. The thing that was even worse was managers knew it was happening but never done anything to intervene and at the time I was a temp, so I didn't want to ruin my chance of a permanent position. Things did eventually get slightly better and luckily now she has left, so there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

One good thing I would say is, at least this manager isn't there constantly and you don't have to put up with this behaviour all the time you're at work, because it does get hard and it does affect you mentally, it's not a position I would encourage people to stay in if they can help it, because it just makes you feel progressively worse.

I think you should wait a little while and see how things play out, see if things don't improve. When she's around try not to let her comments get to you, which I know is much easier said than done. Try to focus on the positive and remember that you don't have to put up with her everyday, and try to also remember that it isn't you doing anything wrong and she is the person with the issue and not you. I think if things don't improve then maybe you should speak with her personally before taking things higher, ask if you can have a word with her and just explain that you feel that she is singling you out for not reason, and say to her you would rather resolve whatever issues she may have on an informal manner than to take things down the formal route. You may find that that is enough to get her to sort her attitude out, she may realise that her behaviour is wrong and if she doesn't change it then she will be getting herself into a lot of trouble. Obviously if nothing improves then I would suggest taking things in a formal direction and contacting higher management or Human Resources.

At the end of the day this woman's behaviour is wrong and you don't deserve to go to work feeling so unhappy whenever she is around. You deserve to be able to go to work in peace and just go in, do your shift and go home. No one deserves to work in an environment that they are that unhappy in. Of course no matter where you go and work there are always going to be those who don't like you for whatever reason and that's okay as long as it doesn't become victimisation or bullying. I think more people than would like to admit have been bullied in the work place, but most don't get the courage to speak up about it, and that's wrong because the people who are doing the bullying just seem to get away with it with very little or no repercussions.

I wish you the best of luck, I really hope you get this resolved as I know this is not something nice to be going through.

I'm always here if you need a chat,
Paige

[TheGuyinCanada]

Hello, I would recommend that you report it to your higher manager. Your manage should not treat you like that. Work is supposed to be a respectful place and she cant just rage at you like that. It is not acceptable behavior. You should not be ashamed of yourself for complaining. What your manager is doing is wrong, and she should not be causing you to cry. The abuse seems to be pretty bad if you are crying over it. I suggest you Find a way to secretly record her abusing you. Get a voice recorder, or use your phone and record her yelling at your multiple times. Then go to the higher manager, and complain. You will not get in trouble for complaining, what the other manager is doing is wrong, she is abusing her power on you you for no reason,

[NonIndigenous]

Originally Posted by BreathingIn

I recently began a new job. There are a couple managers who switch their time at the food place I work, and there's one who is completely mean to me for no reason.

I've been getting along with everyone else who works there, and they're all nice to each other. But this one manager yells at me every time she's near me.

I'm a fast learner and have been doing well with the job. But she yells at me very passive aggressively, saying things like "Honey, you need to listen to me! You need to know this! Now go do it!"

She doesn't stop all day long. It's not like she yells at me over one thing. She yells and demands more work from me ALL DAY when she's there. Every second I'm in her presence, she is ordering me around angrily.

She makes me want to quit the job, but I need the money. After all, she's only one person and everyone else is very nice to me and tells me that I'm doing well so far. But on the days she's there and yelling at me the entire time, I come home and cry. It is truly, truly awful. Even with all the nice people, she makes me scared to go into work because if she's there, then I know it is going to be a bad day.

Since I just started the job, I feel I shouldn't go to the bigger manager and explain what's happening, because I don't want to look like I'm complaining already. My family said to give it some time and if she keeps it up, then I can talk to someone higher up.

What would you do? I don't want to quit my job but I don't want to be terrorized by this anymore. Like I said, it upsets me so bad that I come home and cry

Easier said than done: grow a thicker skin.

If you get on with everyone else at work... that's good enough. That speaks for itself. You can never please everyone.

The problem isn't you. The problem is that manager, and the odds are that other workers, and managers even, know this.

Remember that.

People like that are everywhere. Unless you catch her doing something remarkably abusive and crossing the line, there's probably little you can effectively do about it (without going Rambo).

Unless she's the "big boss", then she's not going to get you fired, if you're getting on well with everyone else, and everyone else enjoys working with you.

An assigned position of authority, doesn't mean that person necessarily has the "leverage" to truly do harm to someone like you. The "leverage" required to do that, comes from what influence that person has over other people, and like I said earlier, if other people are aware that she's a nuisance, and enjoy working with you... then really, there is little harm she can probably do to you. Therefore: stop feeling threatened, because there is no real threat.

If you feel threatened in situations like that... it might even provoke you eventually to respond in a stupid way. To "react" without thinking. Some people are like this more than others. I don't know where you stand on this. And if someone reacts on impulse in a situation like that, and does something stupid... then yeah, you could get fired. Like I said... stop feeling threatened, because there is no real threat. You worsen the situation by allowing this to get inside your head.

A challenge to step up to a pissing contest isn't a threat. It's pathetic instead. Especially coming from a manager.

Maybe I'm also reading into it too much. Maybe it's just the way she talks to everyone, not just you. I don't know. Some people just have a style of talking that is fkking annoying and patronising, and don't even realise it. If that's the case, then you shouldn't even take it personally.

[MWF]

Just go to the person in charge of them, at least. This guy has no right to treat you like garbage, and you should let them know.
Or... you could ignore them. Just work hard all day, and shut her out until she gives a direct command.

[BreathingIn]

Originally Posted by BDF

Easier said than done: grow a thicker skin.

If you get on with everyone else at work... that's good enough. That speaks for itself. You can never please everyone.

The problem isn't you. The problem is that manager, and the odds are that other workers, and managers even, know this.

Remember that.

People like that are everywhere. Unless you catch her doing something remarkably abusive and crossing the line, there's probably little you can effectively do about it (without going Rambo).

Unless she's the "big boss", then she's not going to get you fired, if you're getting on well with everyone else, and everyone else enjoys working with you.

An assigned position of authority, doesn't mean that person necessarily has the "leverage" to truly do harm to someone like you. The "leverage" required to do that, comes from what influence that person has over other people, and like I said earlier, if other people are aware that she's a nuisance, and enjoy working with you... then really, there is little harm she can probably do to you. Therefore: stop feeling threatened, because there is no real threat.

If you feel threatened in situations like that... it might even provoke you eventually to respond in a stupid way. To "react" without thinking. Some people are like this more than others. I don't know where you stand on this. And if someone reacts on impulse in a situation like that, and does something stupid... then yeah, you could get fired. Like I said... stop feeling threatened, because there is no real threat. You worsen the situation by allowing this to get inside your head.

A challenge to step up to a pissing contest isn't a threat. It's pathetic instead. Especially coming from a manager.

Maybe I'm also reading into it too much. Maybe it's just the way she talks to everyone, not just you. I don't know. Some people just have a style of talking that is fkking annoying and patronising, and don't even realise it. If that's the case, then you shouldn't even take it personally.

Yeah, the impulse thing is why it was worrying me and bothering me, because I would snap back at her just like "Shut the f--k up already!" and that wouldn't be good.

Thanks everyone for all your support and advice. I ended up talking to the higher up manager and he understood. He offered to talk to her and get things straightened out, but I quit. It wasn't a job I liked overall anyway. I had another one set up before I quit so everything's good now. I went back to an old job I had and the manager always was open to have me back, so I'm lucky to have it.

[MWF]

... Well, that works too!

[xxpaigiexx]

Hey,

I'm glad you've made a decision that's right for you.

Best of luck to you,
Paige