Am I being bullied?

[leftinthedarkXxX]

ok so for about a month now, me and this girl have had really strong feelings of hate against each other. and just now, on her facebook she posted a blog or note, and she was calling me a poser and a fake[which im not] and i know that because i am so true to myself. and i tried to confront her about it and she just denies it. its really bugging me, because everyone is looking at me weird now that she has posted that stuff andi dont know if its bullying or not? and if it is, should i take it to the consular?
and i can feel the hate from her a mile away, and sometimes it gets so bad that i feel like killing myself. is this considered bullying? what should i do?

[onlyme]

Yes, this is a form of bullying. Its called cyber bulling. Its clear by the amount of hate you talk about that you and this girl are having /serious/ problems. Try to figure out her motive for being so mean. Did you ever hurt her? Is she trying to get a higher status? If I where you I would do my best to talk to her before it gets even worse.

[ForeverAutumn*]

Hiya Adri.

What I hate about kids who post mean or hurtful stuff online [facebook, myspace etc] is that there isn't always much that can be done about it. A school, for example, can't force a student to take down a hateful webpage about another student. You more or less have no rights on the internet, no civil rights protecting you from being bullied or slandered. The Constitution, the Bill of Rights - they don't extend to the internet because in retrospect, the internet is still a relatively new concept. However, just because a school or a counselor couldn't necessarily force her to take down the webpage, doesn't mean you should just let this problem be. She had no right to post a hateful blog against you, no matter what your feelings for each other may be. What she did is called cyberbullying. Cyberbullying is posting a hate-blog, spreading hurtful rumors, setting up webpages bashing a person, etc online.

You said you tried to confront her - well done for giving confrontation a try. I know how frustrating it can be to have someone deny what they've done and I think before you go any further, it's worth giving confrontation one last try. Try cornering her, or getting a print-out of what she wrote and showing it to her...maybe even try finding someone to come with you when you confront her. There can be power in numbers.

If she still denies it, that's where you need to take things to the next level. Revenge of sorts might be tempting but keep in mind that getting even doesn't get you anywhere. If anything, getting even with her would fuel her fire which isn't going to solve the problem.

I said that your school or a school guidance counselor couldn't do much about a facebook blog, but if she bullies you in school as well, that's something to definitely approach an adult at your school about. Most schools do have a zero-tolerance policy towards bullying and therefore would intervene and try to get the problem to stop. She may even be suspended, it really depends.

If that doesn't work, go straight to the girl's parents. I doubt any parent would be thrilled to know their daughter is acting this way online or bullying another student. Might even be worth getting your parents involved as well. It all depends on your comfort level though, and how far you're comfortable with going.

Always remember that if she makes you feel this way, she's not worth it. Anyone who hurts you or upsets you like this isn't worth listening to, she honestly isn't worth your time. I know ignoring her and letting it go in one ear and out the other isn't the easiest thing in the world to do but, just keep that in mind. Let me know anytime you want to talk about anything, all right? I hope everything works out. Take care of yourself.

[leftinthedarkXxX]

I did the print out thing and it seriously didn't work. and today at school, she kept calling me nasty names, and she made me run myself into the stalls and stay there most of the day. it feels like she's making everyone hate me. and i feel very uncomforatable about talking to my parents about this. do you think it's time that i go to the consular or some teacher at school?

[ShareThisDragon]

especially since you don't feel comfortable talking to your parents, i think the counselor is a good place to start. she/he should at least be able to give you some moral support, even if they can't force this girl to take down her postings. and you deserve to have someone on your side, what she's doing is not fair.

i'm sorry that confrontation didn't work. it was certainly brave of you to give it a try. it's not right that she's making you feel you need to hide from people in the stalls all day- don't let her make you feel that way! try and drag out that Elanor Roosevelt quote- "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent" and repeat it to yourself. i KNOW how much it can hurt and eat at you just dwelling on one persons hostility towards you sometimes, but it is possible to change your focus, and realize that you have worth and value quite independent of other people's opinions, especially mean people's.

as for what to do now...here's how i would look at the situation. i think at this point i would give up on confrontation in the future- she's too entrenched and you are not going to make her like you or cause her to turn kind by complaining to her about her own actions. but that's ok. who cares if she likes you.

i would ignore the postings to some extent. whether she did them out of anger, hate, resentment, or jealousy (yes this as quite a possibility, she might wish she was as sincere as you so she calls you a poser...), she was probably hoping to get some kind of rise out of you. to see you suffer from it. how do you thwart her? don't suffer. act like you have suddenly changed your mind and it doesn't bother you in the least. talk to all the people you would normally talk to and go about your business at school normally. don't publicly complain about what she wrote.

if someone asks you about it, or brings it up in front of you, just calmly explain that you saw what she wrote, and it isn't true. you can employ things like "i don't know why she thinks that. it isn't true." or "yeah, i know, but it isn't true so i don't want to dwell on it."

you might want to get a few friends to help you and repeat these lines whenever they become necessary. with you and your close friends repeating the same thing whenever it is brought up, the topic will get boring. not only that, you will look like the cool and level-headed one, and she will look like the hot-headed one. who has more credibilty? you. and you are calmly stating that what she wrote isn't true.

if she makes another "attack" and writes other unjust things online, stick to your guns, keep your calm, and keep repeating the "it's not true, therefore i don't care" mantra in school. it might take a while, but eventually SHE will get bored and fed up with slandering you too. its just no fun if the target doesn't get angry, right? she may still resent you. she may strongly dislike you. but she will probably do so quietly and for the most part leave you alone. and then you will be the winner.

[Kyle11]

Sweety, I know you don't want to hear this, but ignore it!

This is Highschool drama and you will be plagued with it for the rest of your life. My best advice is to ignore it and concentrate on the more important parts of life.

[leftinthedarkXxX]

it's hard though when you have to leave your school [im leaving my school next year] because of this

[Ryan M]

Originally Posted by Kyle11

Sweety, I know you don't want to hear this, but ignore it!

This is Highschool drama and you will be plagued with it for the rest of your life. My best advice is to ignore it and concentrate on the more important parts of life.

/\ Honestly soo true...

[MadPoet]

Hey Adri. I know how hard bullying is, and how much it hurts, whether it's mere high school drama or not. When someone hurts us like you were hurt, it's not easy to deal with. I think the most important thing to think about is that this is obviously hurting you.

First of all, try not to let one person persuade you to completely leave your school next year. I think it's important to remember that this girl doesn't deserve that kind of control over you. While I can't blame you for being hurt, I'd try to remind yourself that the things this girl might say about you are definitely not in any way true.

If this really is hurting you, I'd recommend talking to someone at school about it. Now that this idiot girl has now also insulted you in school, they can probably do more to stop what's going on. This girl doesn't have the power to hurt you, though. With every insult she throws at you, and makes her the bad person, who deserves those exact same insults that she's been giving you.

[sre_uk]

Yes. This is bullying.

[leftinthedarkXxX]

thanks guys. i took all your advice that you have given me and applied it to her..it worked..
she apologized.
we dont talk at all, but at least now i know that i dont have to go around walking on eggshells with her..and the rest of the school
thanks so much for the help

[ForeverAutumn*]

I'm really glad to hear things worked out, Adri!

Since the original problem seems to be solved, I'm going to go ahead and close this to prevent any chit-chat. That being said, if anyone wants this reopened, feel free to drop me a PM.