Triggering: Has being bullied altered your personality?

[Catharsis.]

I wanted to ask this question, to see if anyone else has experienced something similar.

Take le derpy six-year-old Gareth. Le derpy six-year-old Gareth didn't give a **** what anyone thought of him, and was too focused on playing with the toys in the corner of the classroom. However, the other kids in the class picked up that Gareth was different, and thus Gareth suffered.

Fast forward ten full years of almost daily bullying and intimidation. The once carefree, happy moi, has become a withdrawn individual who is very anxious around people. On top of that, I can be rather cold, calculative and cynical. I don't have time for people and find them very hard to trust, because almost every time I've trusted someone, I've been stabbed in the back. I also have a quite a negative view of the world. I'm a real chip-on-the-shoulder sort of person at times.

Thing is, I feel that years of bullying has done this to me. Has this happened to anyone else who has been bullied in the past? I feel that they destroyed the person I really am, to be honest.

[mindflower]

Gareth

To answer your question, yes, I do think being bullied has affected me. Take little Taylor and place her in a situation where there's only 8 girls in the grade, and she's the only one who is different. Bam, not many friends at all. No one would really talk to this Taylor, and when they did it was mocking for being awkward and ugly and her skin being disgusting.

I'm gonna get out of third person now

But yeah, when I was younger people would call me an alien and it made me extremely self conscious about my skin. I kind of think that one reason the other girls in the grade left me was for the way I looked, but also for the way I played or talked to others and had this weird imagination. I'm now just an all-around changed person. I am really scared of being judged, but when it comes to my body, its not that I hide myself, because sometimes I don't, but when I'm not hiding I'm careless as to what happens to me. So I am called this awkward, shy, scared person sometimes, and other times I'm called this slutty freak. I virtually can't be accepted as anything, there's no middle. My skin is somewhat better, and maybe I'm not as awkward. But I'm never going to break out of this cage where I'm so scared of being judged.

[hocus pocus]

I used to be fairly more out going and approachable. I was happier until a certain point where the bullying and some other factors made me loose trust in everyone. When I was younger, I didn't really know what the world was like. I didn't know that my family and I were different. But as I got older, I began to recognize that and hate myself for it. I think everything came with all those words of hatred and age.

I'm now quiet; I don't speak up for myself. I was so quiet, that I lost points in projects and teachers used to accidently mark me absent. Due to being threatened before, I don't speak up for myself. I keep myself isolated and alone. And I cannot talk to people my age.

[MegaMadness]

You just described me in your post so yep.

[Broken Constellation]

I used to not care what anyone thought of me, but in 6th grade a girl treated me like absolute s***. I felt ugly, useless, and over all just terrible about myself.
Then there was a period in my life where my brother was bullied, and at home he'd take all his frustration out on me; calling me fat ***, b****, comments about my appearance and how I acted.
I have no respect or confidence in myself...and it's hard for me to blame my brother because of his rough past.
Bullying doesn't just affect it's victims, but the people close to them as well.

[Twinge]

Hah, I can relate a lot to this.
The bullying I've suffered is more discriminative-type. But there was a lot of verbal and physical violence involved. What I went through in kindergarten, continued ALL the way to high school. And it would be too much to describe it all, those 10 years (maybe some months less, I wasn't typically bullied from ages 7-11).
Has it altered me? Pretty much, it has. I didn't have much of a choice to develop in the opposite direction though. I can't say I wasn't like this my entire life. This went from the start, and I learned to dislike the majority of people. While it's not the main reason why I'm generally cynical in personality, it fits the rest of the factors. In the end the transformation is who I am.
Bullying has taught me this cruel wicked side of reality, of people, the flaws of our society. In reaction, I grasped the knowledge with appreciation. That's why I'm still different from most I know. I'm not afraid to be myself. If I want to be quiet and odd, so be it.
It's not pleasant to undergo, but it has its perks, and I'm happy I'm the way I am. If we weren't strong enough, we wouldn't have the chance to learn this.
Being bullied and isolating myself also allowed me to look at life outside the box. Where I stand watches from both positive and negative aspects.

[kaydee.]

I was bullied throughout my grade years (3-12th).
The most hardest year was freshman year in high school to be honest.
Students that didn't even know me called me ugly, stupid, idiot, all the names in the book. They also would steal my stuff, and kick me, and hit me.
The teachers never did anything to help me, they would just ignore it.
At this time of my life (now in college), I can say I am shy, I can't stand to talk to people, or even say my opinion because I feel that people will call me stupid.
I am insecure about everything, and I can't stand up for myself.
The only thing is that I am very nice, and I am funny.
I don't feel pretty, I feel completely useless, and dumb to this very day.

[Satine]

Hi Gareth,

Yes, I definitely believe that bullying changed who I became.

Our personalities are a set of adaptations that we learned in childhood. Because we learn them we can also unlearn them, but saying so is easier than doing it. I don't know what personality you would have had if you hadn't been bullied, but I hope you manage to remould your personality into something you're satisfied with.

[coolkid98]

Yes, since being bullied I have little self confidence, I even find it hard talking to people in public and phoning people. I also constantly doubt myself and think I'm not good enough therefore I think bullying has defiantly affected me... but I am getting better slowly
I'm always here if you want to talk

[Most Likely]

Me being bullied ended in killing any last scratches of self-esteem and confidence. Made me even more of a loner than I already was. I don't seem to recover, and I don't think I will. I'm not sure if I even want, people are not worth trusting.

[JustACityBoy]

I'm not sure if bullying made me more anti-social, it probably slightly did, however, it made me more aggressive. I'd get mad alot when I see two people arguing. One of my mottos are not to let anyone do bullshit to you.

[ReasonsForRecovery]

I believe my bully experience has changed me. I don't want to go into detail because its to painful and brings up some difficult emotions. I personally think that my bullying has caused PTSD. If you don't know what it is just google it. I went from happy to cold, angry, emotionally numb, disconnected from people and reality at one point. Everyday is a struggle you just have to learn how to cope with it.

[Jess~]

I'm so glad someone asked this, so I can finally tell someone.

Let's back up to meet 12 year old Jessica. She was an innocent, joyful, kind, and caring little girl, who loved everyone. She had a website...it was going great. It was popular, active...she thought she had friends on there. Then...it all started when two girls, who had played along the whole time, turned out to be mean, hateful, trolls. They made post after post, discriminating some members, but mostly jessica. They cursed her out at every opportunity, and broke her free spirit up. Why didn't the stupid kid ban them? Why didn't that 12 year old idiot just delete their accounts? Because she had been sheltered her whole life...she didn't believe that such good friends would betray her. She believed in the false world of hope.
So...months later, she might've actually been okay. But the bullies came back, convincing another member to hate Jessica as well. So more posts came...about how dramatic jessica was, how annoying she was, and how she should just go kill herself. At this point, there would still be some damage done...but not a lot. If only Jessica hadn't been bullied by her 'ex' daily...along with having her first broken heart. By broken? I mean crushed. Demolished. Beyond repair.

Fast forward to today, and I never make a big deal out of anything anymore. Guess they can never call me a pathetic, worthless, drama-queen again.
I now no longer allow myself to like people. I don't want them to text me anymore bad words.
I learned six new curse words, nine more sexual words, and was hurt drastically.
I'm now a compete disappointing failure to my family...and I don't even know who I am anymore. I just want the innocent Jess back.
Guess they got their way.

[Everglow.]

I don't really remember being any different to how I am, but I do think that how I am is the result of bullying since I don't remember a time before the bullying started. I was bullied from a really young age about my weight and such, so I've always been really self conscious as well as shy and anxious. I also kind of feel that the bullying about my weight led me to eat more since when I look back, I wasn't over weight at all, and now I am. So yeah bullying has impacted my life quite a lot.

[Doodle.]

It made me extremely self-conscious for years. I know it will sound cliché but I think it has now made me stronger. I now understand more about bullying and why people do it. I now feel sorry for them. I now realise just how self-conscious they were themselves to make me feel the way I did.

[RiseFromTheAshes]

I think bullying definitely impacts the victim. It could be positive (eg they support anti-bullying campaigns) or negative, like most of us have been describing. One way or another though, I think something like that changes everyone who has gone through bullying. For me it made me feel inferior and I have a very deep-rooted fear of rejection.

[Saoirse]

I feel exactly what you feel, Meteora. I generally have a very large issue when it comes to trusting someone to the fullest extent. I would say bullying has done this to me, along with some other issues on the side. I have issues and continue to bottle things up inside of me and it's very hard for me to let go until the bottle explodes. I usually either explode in emotions of anger or sadness and depression (usually the latter). Even though I have and still do get bullied, I've become a bit more outgoing to be against bullying and such as I don't want others to have to deal with that.

[Rockey]

I wouldn't say that bullying has affected my life as I've not really been bullied. I'm very different from most 13 year old kids (Or around my age kids). I've always been a bit more mature then most kids and have stayed away from trouble. Yeah.. When I was younger I wasn't the most popular kid and maybe some 'Pops' would tease me about something. I've always sat with the "less popular" kids because of my feeling of not being accepted. Not sure it's a bully problem.. But, it feels good to get

[Rivière]

Bullying has been a part of my personality change but it isn't altered it completely. It's made me tougher to name-calling and people who intend to hurt me solely for the benefit of amusing others. I've learnt to be less trusting to those who I would have called my 'friends' only to find out they'd lie and use me for whatever they chose. I've become a lot more cautious around people in general because I've learnt to understand and recognise what makes a good friend in some and what makes a bad friend in others. For this reason, for all the bullying I had endured throughout every single school I attended I chose never to get close to anyone, never to trust many people with my life or my privacy and so I have just 1 female and 2 male friends. All other 'friends' I had I lost contact with and I never bother speaking to again regardless of my past attempts to put effort into communicating with them, they chose not to bother with me.

Anyone who I know and see to this very day who had bullied me at school, I smile to myself and know I came off a better person I did. I know I grew up to become much stronger and overcame the abuse they threw at me and for that, I have become a better person.

Bullying always changes people in some form or another. It might be tough to deal with at the time but it's that tough experience which makes us a tougher and stronger person inside.

[NonIndigenous]

Yes.

At first it made me insecure, wondering what's wrong with me. Took me less than a year to figure out that there was nothing I could do to please them, so then I stopped trying. Then:

It made me less trustful.
Gave me thicker skin.
Gave me more stamina and stubbornness.
It made me go to the gym to the extent where I was able to bench press nearly twice my body weight within a year of starting training.
It made me pick up martial arts.
It made me more focused.
It gave me the motivation to push past my exams with some of the best grades.

I could go on. I feel empowered by it today, but not necessarily happy... because often I feel an undercurrent of hostility towards other people, especially strangers. But that's less of a problem. At most, it causes some very occasional friction with some self-important asshole who invades my space or some conman in a market for example. The bigger problem is people whom I know personally. When I get the gist that someone's f/ing and playing games with me, I do my best to break off contact, ignore and avoid them. It's the best and safest thing I can do before it escalates. But it's a rare event nowadays for me anyway. My distrust means not many people get close enough to get under my skin. And those whom I trust, I trust for good reasons and am very rarely disappointed.

[jakeyboii1]

yeah it really has affected me in alot of ways prior to moving schools when i was 16, i was realy fun life loving, outgoing, and i really did not care what people thought of me, once i moved schools i was getting bullied by boys a couple of years older then me, being alot smaller then them i was physically and mentally abused, it really does suck the whole bullying situtaion these days i just really sit in my room, doing nothing

[Skeleton]

I've never been bullied for a long period of time, it was usually just the odd comment here and there from the usual people and I'd say it has a bit. I feel like it made me even more shy, I find it harder to speak to people first or even reply in conversation sometimes because I'm so worried that people are going to think what I said was stupid or boring or wonder why I'm even talking to them and I feel that's stemmed from what people have said to me previously. I tend to just think that no-one wants to be friends with me/wants to talk to me and be by myself because I've had negative experiences with people in the past.

[Moxie.]

Being bullied has definitely altered my personality. I'm a lot less trusting of people than I used to be. On top of that, I'm almost always paranoid that I'm being talked about or laughed at. If I walk away and hear people behind me whispering or laughing, I automatically assume that it's aimed at me. A large part of the reason I'm so sarcastic is also a result of being bullied. I never really developed a thick skin, but I've trained myself to appear that way, so people can't tell if they're getting to me.

[dragonblood]

I was bullied for about two years in primary school. I'm still myself, however I dislike the girl who started the bullying. I don't trust people with any of my secrets but I've always been like that. Bullying has however made me want to help others more in different ways including this site

[Moon]

I used to be a happy, carefree child too, until kids started taking advantage of the fact that I had a very soft and caring personality, and started bullying me. I stopped being happy, and playful, and ended up being scared to death to interact with anyone outside of the internet.
Even the slightest touch scares me now. I can't even so much as look at people in public without started to feel anxious.