Triggering: Being bullied

[TheQuietGirl]

Triggering, just in case <3

So I moved to a new school last year, at the beginning of High School. Pretty sure I've settled in well. I have a great bunch of friends.
But there is this one girl. I literally talked to her a handful of times at the beginning of last year because I was new and didn't know *any body*.

This year, apparently she is talking to people behind my back, telling them that I am annoying, mean, and that they should ignore me all of the time. Luckily, a guy in my grade defends me, but still.. What if people are believing her? She has done this *in front of me*, so I know it is not a rumour.

I'm kind of done telling people about this issue, because all I get is "she has no life" and "she's just jealous of you." YEAH okay. That makes *perfect* sense. I'm not attractive by any stretch of the imagination (I'm downright gross) and I'm just average in every other way.

I'm quiet and I am nice! At least.. I think I'm nice. I try to be nice. I can't even kill a spider without (aside from fearing for my life because I'm petrified of them) feeling bad! I'm nice to strangers on the street because you never know when someone just needs a smile to give them hope!

I find it kind of weird to vent about this, because usually I'm the one defending my friends from bullies and stuff I just don't know what to do.. This on top of my E.D.? Like... Great. I didn't need this!

Thanks for reading guys. Love you <3
Abigail

[Amorphous.]

I have got to go at the moment, but everyone, pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase save the first comment for me LOL. Just know that I will be right back and that I have read this. I promise .

[Amorphous.]

Told you I would be back . Sorry it look so long.

Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooood morning Abigail. My name is Hamed and I know exactly how you feel at the moment. I was bullied for soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long, eight and a half years and as much as some people said "they are wrong", "don't listen to them" and so on and so forth, it was difficult to escape the fact that it was happening and they were bullying me explicitly.

Let me make one thing very very very clear. They are wrong. They have absolutely no clue what the flip they are talking about, they don't even know you. I know you have probably heard it a bajillion times and it may seem cliched or whatever but it is true!

I am telling the truth, what they are saying is wrong and frankly, they don't know what they are talking about.

Let me tell you this, you are a beautiful young girl, you are smart, you are a fighter and you do not deserve anything those bullies throw at you. You have probably heard that sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many times but that is the truth, I wouldn't lie to you, especially not about that.

But I'm going to go a little bit further than just the pep talk and the stuff you have probably heard over and over again, even though that stuff is true.

Probably the most important thing for you to do is just walk away. Whenever people tell you you are not good enough, whenever they do this stuff in front of you, escape the situation immediately. Go outside, go to the library, go to your studio if you have one and escape the situation.

Just go somewhere where you are alone and where you have the chance to recouperate before you explode on the scene. Look out for the warning signs that you are about to break and then immediately walk away to give yourself the chance to relax and regather yourself.

I think this is very important to relieve yourself and allow yourself the chance to self talk as well. Once you have escaped the situation, just give youself some positive self talk, it's just a way of telling yourself you ARE good enough.

Also, if you are feeling lonely at the moment, try change that. There are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many ways of belonging and finding new friends. You have passions, you have interests, so work from those. If you have a passion for singing then join a choir, if you have an interest in food, then take a class, train, work, whatever, but find people with similar passions and interests as you do, find someone you hae something in common wtih and that is the big thing.

I have said that these bullies don't know you. They have absolutely nothing in common with you, they don't know what your passions are and they have no clue who you are, who you love, these people are essentially strangers who want to get a reaction from you.

That's where friends are found. I mean think about it. Everyone here, we are willing to support you and you have a friend in us, because we have something in common. We all are fighters and we want to help people. By finding people you have thing in common with, it ebats all hell out of isolation and loneliness.

I have been talking for sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long but the thing is, you do not deserve it. Escape the situation and find friends who have the same pasisons and interest as you because bullies are not your friends, they don't know, they have nothing in common with you.

Sorry you have to go through this Abby. I have been there, it's painful and it can't happen to a less deserving person <3.

.

H.

P.S. I happen to think you look pretty in your avatar .

[TheQuietGirl]

Hey there! Thanks for the response

See, I have a hard time believing that. I don't see how you could know that I am smart, because you don't really know me, not like, in person or anything.

But thank you! It means a lot. It just kinda hurts she is doing this behind my back, and giving people the wrong impression about me.

[TheQuietGirl]

Oh, and BTW, I spell my name Abi

[L'Aviatrice]

Hello Abi!

You sound like such a nice person! Anyone who'd even think of being mean to you is just not worth being around or paying attention to. I know that ignoring a bully is easier said than done, but when you show this girl that you won't even listen to her nonsense, she hopefully will realize that you really are a strong person and you don't care what others say about you. Don't show any kind of reaction, because that is what she is looking for and you can't let her think that she has "won." Ignore it, and soon enough, she'll realize that being mean and spreading lies about you is a waste of her time.

Also... (and this is really, really important) keep on being the nice, kind person that you are! Do random acts of kindness, especially towards the people this bully could be spreading rumors to. They'll see firsthand how kind you really are and won't believe anyone who dares to say that you're annoying or mean.

The peculiar thing about bullying is that, no matter how hard bullies try to make you feel inferior to them, you will always be better than them because you know and understand the importance of respect for others.

I really hope this helps, and I hope this gets better for you soon!

[razors_and_rosary]

Hello there, Abi I'm glad you're holding up.

The thing to remember about rumours is that people take them with a pinch of salt. Anybody who believes what one person said, without considering if it's the truth, isn't really the kind of person you'd want as a friend. Somebody who deserves your friendship will put the effort in to find out what you're really like.

By the sounds of things, you are a nice person, and make sure you keep believing that. People will eventually realise that despite what this girl says, you're not actually mean and annoying. If you can muster the inner resolve, try my approach to bullying: smile and shrug. Make out that you don't really mind what they say about you. Show that you have confidence in yourself. Stay calm and walk by. People can't hate you for that.

If it starts getting to you, seek out someone you like, or a place to be by yourself. Then you can work through being upset where this girl can't see you. That way she'll think she's not getting anywhere. The other option, if you're willing to risk it, is getting really super duper upset very publicly to make people think twice about their behaviour. It all depends on how you want to play it.

I would expect, no matter what you believe about yourself (though I'm sure you're mistaken), that she is jealous of your friends. Trying to draw people towards her by driving them away from you. Fortunately, if your friends are worth anything, they won't give a damn about what she's saying. Remember that this is just one girl, and you have lots of far better people around you to support you.

My final piece of advice is to wait a little while. Even if this girl rides on in her grudge against you, other people will get sick of her. Rumours will die, especially as they are unfounded. You'll come out the other side looking pretty untouchable.

All the best,
r&r x

Ps: your signature is beautiful. I love it.

[TheQuietGirl]

Thanks guys. <3 I kinda teared up reading your responses.

I just don't see why she has need to be jealous. She is pretty, she has some friends, and she is openly mean to other people some of the time. Like.. If she was jealous of my friends or whatever, maybe she should be fixing herself? How does she not see that?

This little boy may have said something towards me today.. I was on the bus home, and there are some high school and lower school people in the back. A seniour was talking to the little boy, and all I heard him saying at first was "You can say that to a guy, like a friend. But NEVER to a girl." The little boy said "That girl up there is ugly" (I sit in the front of the bus, and I am the only upper-school kid up front. VERY small number of people on the bus) and I hear the senior say "Don't say that. She's actually really pretty." And I glance back to see the guys looking at me other than the little kid.

....What?!?! Ughh k. I don't know how to not let this get to me. I can't take all of these people being mean to me. I honestly don't know what I have ever done to any one to be treated like this.

About the girl, yeah. If she does it in front of me again, I will definitely call her out on it. I almost never do that if people are bothering me, but it's getting too far. Her friends (who once liked me) now walk by just staring/glaring at me, and don't talk to me if they don't have to.

[Validity]

The thing about bullying is most bullies are insecure, perhaps having a tough living situation or some petty little excuse by whish they take it out on other people rather than deal with the problem. I know how hard it is to be bullied. I was bullied right from year 1-4. Which ended by being put in child sevices and then afterwards moving schools. But, it is no fun being the victim. I myself has never bullies anyone, but I've been in a fistfight after being bullied, but what happened to be three of my closest friends. It doesn't do very well to your self esteem when they point out your flaws and the things that you hate about yourself. But, perhaps talk with that guy who sticks up for you. Maybe hang out with him sometimes.

Best of luck,
Jay.

[razors_and_rosary]

Me again

This little boy made a single passing comment. On top of everything else you've got going on it's going to feel horrible, but try and focus on what the senior said. Kids talk rubbish all the time, I wouldn't value their opinion as much as someone closer to your age. Considering this senior is going to be interested in girls, he's going to have a properly formed opinion of what's pretty. And besides, these things are a matter of opinion - nobody is pretty to everyone, and nobody is ugly to everyone either.

About the girl: sadly, she probably is aware that she has her own faults. But telling people that you have them instead of her will make her feel better. She is taking the easy way out, but I still think people will realise eventually that she's talking rubbish. If people glare at you, smile politely back at them. Smiles are disarming. Or you could pull a confused face.

Remember that there is no reason that you should be treated this way. It happens to everyone, even when they've done nothing to provoke it. You don't deserve this. Don't believe that you do.

Stay positive.
r&r x

[TheQuietGirl]

Thanks again guys <3

I know it was a passing comment. But the most honest people are drunk people and kids. And the fact he could turn around, and chose me as ugly just totally got to me. When I think about what the senior said, after getting a slight smile from it, I shrug it off that it probably *was* someone else and I'm imagining things. So I take the bad comments, and not the good. What a lovely quality.

I hope people see that it is rubbish.. I think people are starting to realise that I'm not all bad haha. I don't know.. I talk to more people now. And the new guys (who used to seem afraid of me) talk to me without looking all guarded like I was going to start spewing out derogatory remarks that them at any second.

What if there is a reason? What if I actually am mean and I just don't realise it? Or that I'm uglier than I think and I'm in denial.. Which is actually *super* bad denial, because I still see myself as ugly haha.

People should just man/girl up to their problems and not take it out on others. Like.. What does that do?

I love you guys <3