Triggering: Grieving, Substances, Language, Disturbing Imagery. PoW

[Autumnwind]

Would like a lot of criticism on this as I worked on it for almost 8 hours on and off =p. I feel this is one of my greatest achievements in writing, also I would love to get your take on what I'm writing about. Would love to hear the many answers

I still hear the whispers he sang, "I never came back"
He's still walking through the valley of death in his mind for payback
He's laid back but stay back from every one of his playbacks
They implode your brain on impact like just another frayed trap
Can't keep his mind on the prize but he'd never say that
Denial in his eyes reflect the skies and you can't change that
He can't relax, bullets replay and lights him up like a camera flash
He's stuck, he's candle wax, he's fucked, but he can handle relapse

The next day his tone is clear, a little too perfectly clear
With no inflection or passion no reflection of any cheers
He doesn't believe what he hears let alone his filthy peers
Never tries to swallow the pills they filled just to have their dear
With his eyes shifting he tries to calmly slay every fear
He whisped in my ear "I can see them, with every step they feel near"
I watch the tears become more real as he peals back his deadly years
Tries to sear every ghost of past so the future wont leave him here

He's having trouble grasping reality in his shadow-casting mentality
He feels like he's trapping insanity in all of his collapsing vanity
Feeling crotchety, pacing anxiously, waiting for his plastering apathy
Tries to kiss death with a hug goodbye from all of his encased calamidy
Would have been a tragedy watching him leap, bypassing agony
Honestly he forgets his family helps him escape from his fantasy
He constantly watches me makes sure I'm passing cautiously
If I stray off his path he screams until the shards rub off of me

I'll always remember him for what he was and not for what he became
But who's to say that's any better when all he knows is a bloody face
And all he can retrace is the maze he had to suddenly had to race
To watch the craze flood the parade of the pungently insane
He had to refrain from all the claims of all their brains becoming stained
They put him in chains so he can't change the anomaly so they stay the same
But I can see it in his eyes when he can't stop playing the fucking games
This man his dead, but his body lives on, he's still drowning in the shame

[Le Papillon]

i love this :3 i loved it last night too :P very very good!
an thanks again for the tips c:3

[Autumnwind]

Thank you so much and no problems!