Grieving the loss of someone I didn't lose

[out-of-ideas]

Well, yeah... as the title would conclude, I'm sorta grieving the loss of my grandmother, who is still alive, and NOT sick/near death. She is, however, losing her short term memory. It's extremely saddening when I get up to leave the room and when I come back she asks if I just got there. She'll ask the same question 2, 3, ...4 times. I don't see her that often, partly because I have little time, and mostly because it bothers me. It bothers me more that I DON'T see her as often as I should, and can.

But then I stumbled upon a song from my favorite band while shuffling through my ipod. Say My Name - Within Temptation. That really hit hard. I can't stop listening to it. It makes me think about her memory loss progressing (or potentially progressing to the point where she doesn't know who I am anymore). It then made me think of losing her. And now everytime I listen to it, I picture her funeral in my mind. I start hearing myself giving a eulogy. I cry. A lot, sometimes. I see myself at the funeral home, probably hysterically crying. In a beautiful dress, so that I look nice for her. I grieve the loss of her each and everytime I listen to the song. That, and another song by the same band, called Memories.

I don't exactly have a problem with it, I'm just worried that it is a problem. Or could turn into a problem.

Has anyone felt this way? Had this experience?

[mommieof2]

I have. It's hard seeing a family member or someone you love slowly slip away. And it hurts even more knowing that there is nothing you can do about it. You could always call and talk to her if you can't make it over to see her. I'm really sorry that you're going through this. Maybe try not listening to the songs that remind you of her so much. It might help a little.

[Katie]

yeah, my great aunts's going the same way, and i cant bear to think bout loosing her.
alot of ppl mourn 4 some1, despite the fact that they're still around. stuff such as memory loss or personality change, PTSD or severe depression can take a huge toll on the ppl round the one who suffers. personality change and stuff like that can seem like the perosn u knew and loved isnt there anymore, depite the fact that they r.

im rambling. the point i was trying to make,(but not very well) was that it is normal, i have it with my great aunt atm,and im sendin u some love, and hoping that things dont get any worse 4 u or ur grandmother.

much love
x

[Strider]

Hi Jessica,
Welcome to TeenHelp

I wouldn't normally suggest this, but do you think it might help if you listened to some other songs instead? It is good that they have touched you in this way, but don't have them make you forget that your grandmother is still here and loves you very much.
It's tough when people start forgetting, but it happens sometimes. It's really sad, but just remember all the good memories you had with her and try and spend some more time with her before her time is up.
Stay strong and all the best to you and your grandmother.

Nat.