Triggering (Grieving): Cousin Grieving and I'm unsure how to help..

[alonealways]

I'm really really not sure this is in the right section but my cousin recently experienced a death in the family (unrelated to me..) and I want to help him so bad but distance prevents me from physically being there for him and due to money issues/travel issues/ time issues/ and all that.. I can't go visit him to be there for him.

He's not acting like himself though and I want to help him but I have no idea what to say to him and everytime I do say something that I think will help he just says "thanks" or "haha thanks" and I'm not quite sure it's helping. If he keeps saying that do I let it drop? I tried to go onto another conversation but he didn't want to and at first he didn't want to talk about it at all but he opened up a little. Plus if this conversation ends.. and I go to talk to him another time, can I ask how he's doing without bringing him up or should I just start a normal conversation or I'm so confused and in so much pain for him. He was really close to his grandfather and he saw the body and he thought the body was going to be covered..

What do I say? I feel so miserable. I told him he could call me or text me or whatever and he said thanks but I still feel so bad..
I don't know what to do.. the only thing I can do is sit here and try to help him and be there for him right?? That feels so incredibly wrong!! Please help..

[Jen]

Hey,

I'm sure it's so hard sitting by while he is grieving so much. Unfortunately, it IS like you said--to an extent, you need to sit there and wait until he's ready. Grief isn't uniform and it can take many different pathways and avenues. Sometimes a person might want to talk, other times they don't. They might cry, or they might laugh. It's very unpredictable. So the most important thing is that he knows you're there for him--which, thanks to your wonderful caring self, he does know. And it can't hurt to remind him of that periodically, but other than that, follow his lead. If he's joking around, go with it. If he isn't talking about it, don't push it. When he is ready, he'll know you're there. And in the meantime, you're doing the best thing for him.

Remember to take care of yourself, too! If this is affecting you a lot, don't hesitate to reach out to someone.

<3

[Jacksonian]

Originally Posted by Jen

Hey,

I'm sure it's so hard sitting by while he is grieving so much. Unfortunately, it IS like you said--to an extent, you need to sit there and wait until he's ready. Grief isn't uniform and it can take many different pathways and avenues. Sometimes a person might want to talk, other times they don't. They might cry, or they might laugh. It's very unpredictable. So the most important thing is that he knows you're there for him--which, thanks to your wonderful caring self, he does know. And it can't hurt to remind him of that periodically, but other than that, follow his lead. If he's joking around, go with it. If he isn't talking about it, don't push it. When he is ready, he'll know you're there. And in the meantime, you're doing the best thing for him.

Remember to take care of yourself, too! If this is affecting you a lot, don't hesitate to reach out to someone.

<3

What needed to be said has been said by Jen and it has been said well. But be strong young one.

[alonealways]

Thank you both for the advice, he is doing pretty good.. hangin' in there. I still feel so bad for him.