Grieving my exbestfriend...
 

I hate myself that I need to write another thread here but I need to seriously get it out before I do something I won't have time to regret...

Okay, I was friends with this girl for three years, closely, and then when I left our school we stayed in contact but she'd moved to the popular bitches group and hated my other bestfriend, I tried to repair their friendship but instead it drove S from me. T is still my friend.
S's family was falling apart when I was there, her mother was diagnosed with bowel cancer which went to her ovaries and the marriage wasn't working. So the dad split, they lost their house and was forced to move.
Today, I found out that the older sister F had taken the car, most of their mother's money and then moved out. S (older brother) started smoking and drinking due to what was happening, and T (little sister) ran away and hasn't been seen for three months now :'( and NOW, S, my exbestfriend attempted suicide and succeeded :( and now I don\'t know how I feel, angry, shocked, sad, I have been crying off and on since I heard and I just can\'t help thinking about tearing open my veins with a blade or downing my pills again... this time I have more to ensure I die... I DON\'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I snapped at my brother/bestfriend! and Now I feel guilty over that! I\'m angry at myself, I tried to help S when I moved but it just made things worse! I just want to die and see her again so I can repair OUR friendship! I vowed to do that and now I missed my chance and I didn\'t expect to hurt so much :\'( how can I start to heal? I\'m not even able to go to the funeral!

Thanks for any help...

Jay.

Re: Grieving my exbestfriend...
 

Hey there,

I am sorry that this happened. It can be so hard to lose someone but you have to try and remember that you deserve to live. You have so many people in this life that love you and want you around that if you were to harm yourself they would be hurting.

I know that when a person is struggling with depression it can be really hard to see past the depression but remember this sadness will pass. Also, I honestly don\'t think that your friend would want you to harm yourself. I know that I think about harming myself sometimes but I could never fathom one of the people I\'ve cared about in my life doing the same thing.

Is there anyone you can talk to about this? I know it might be hard to do but reaching out could do so much good. Maybe you could talk to your brother about this and explain why you snapped at him and go from there? I think that will help with some of the guilt you are feeling and it will probably give you someone to lean on.

Also, do you think you could try making a reasons to live list? I know that in the past this has helped me and maybe it will help you. Here is the link to teenhelps reasons to live link check that out and then try and make your own link and remember that no reason is too small.

I hope that this helped and if you need anything please feel free to PM/VM me. :hug:

Re: Grieving my exbestfriend...
 

Thank you for your reply,

I talked to him about it and he said he didn't care that I snapped at him but I still feel guilty because he is going through his own crap as well. Also, some of my anger came from me, I have empathy and he and I have a strong enough bond to have his pain transfer to me and add to mine.. It's annoying but I have to get used to it...

I only have a few things to look forward to, J and I don't know each other but we call each other bro and sis because we are so close and I'm going to go see him in a few years, that is if he keeps fighting.. I'm just worried I have no future to look forward to...

Jay.

Re: Grieving my exbestfriend...
 

Jay,
You have so much to live for you are a great person. You have so many people that care about you. Plus, you get to come see me in two years XD I am sorry about your friend, but even though you all had a disagreement she was still your friend and would not want you to hurt yourself.

Re: Grieving my exbestfriend...
 

I suppose that's true :) Thanks Tanya :) and yeah, I can't wait to come see you!

Jay.

Re: Grieving my exbestfriend...
 

Re: Grieving my exbestfriend...
 

Thank you so much! I just need mourning time.

Jay.

Re: Grieving my exbestfriend...