am i a bad friend for losing patience with a friend?

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Hi. For context, my friend Jeanette and I are in high school and have been best friends since middle school. We’ve shared everything, but we've had disagreements—many from miscommunications. For example, once I didn’t meet her at our usual spot because I had to stay back in class, and she started avoiding me. When I asked why, she said I wasn’t talking to her, so she didn’t talk to me. I explained, we cleared it up, but this cycle happens often—she assumes I’m ignoring her and shuts down. I try to move past these moments, but it still affects me.

Anyways, yesterday, I was at school. I had found out that a really close friend had betrayed my trust, and went behind my back. It was something pretty big, and its impacts/consequences hit my friendship wth her and others deeply. Unfortunately, this is not the first long-time close best friend that has done this to me this past year. I was very hurt and had trouble processing this betrayal. I never cry at school, even when I've had to receive terrible, life-changing news. But yesterday I was getting so fed up with recent events, with having lost another best friend a few months back because of a similar situation with lying to me or going behind my back. I was already developing issues with trust and this new situation just made me feel like I really have no one. I felt manipulated and alone. I was spending my classtime dozed off while trying to keep it together, because this situation came from someone who I would never except to do me like this. I was questioning everything Id ever told her, and regretting trusting her so deeply despite being very close friends for 6 years.

I had found out after 4th period. I called Jeanette (we usually call to meet up or ask where the other one is during passing periods). She had answered and hung up so I assumed she was busy. I then texted her, "im actually so done" "i don't understand people". She didn't read or respond to these messages, which I assumed she was busy and didn't think anything of it. Then 6th period came, and I ended up having a talk with the friend that did something to me earlier. And it did not go well. After 6th period, Me and Jeanette usually see eachother outside our classes. She was standing with our other friend, ill call her Bailey. Bailey and Jeanette both saw me but I was looking at my phone, honestly, trying not to cry. I was standing with them though. I showed up to the meeting place.

Then after 7th period, I went to our meeting place, and we were with our guy friend. I wasnt talking or engaging at all. I wasn't trying to look sad but I couldn't even think about anything they were talking about. I just felt so incredibly alone. I wasn't trying to get attention I just couldnt speak. Its like when if you try to talk youll just cry. And I wasn't going to cry because I dont normally do and I dont exactly enjoy it either. When the guy friend walked away, Jeanette turned to me and asked, "What's wrong?". However, coincidently, the bell that says we have 1 minute to get to class rang, and my 8th period teacher is very strict (Jeanetee knows this). I wanted to reply but tears were about to pour out the second my vocal chords were preparing to make noise. I couldn't. (I also have a history of panic attacks but haven't had any in years. However, I had a similar feeling in my chest in this moment). I had shook my head to signify no and that i just didnt feel like talking, and turned to walk away to head to class, because I was really trying to keep it together. You know when someone asks if youre okay when youre not, and all of a sudden you just want to let everything out? That's how it felt. I undertand how that would look but I couldnt do anything else. I didnt think much of this encounter because I thought she would understand that I was trying to say I couldnt talk, ive done it before when im upset and i thought she understood that, especally given the messages i texted her earlier and my recent behavior.

After 8th period, its dismissal. We ride the bus home. At the area where the busses load students, I saw Jeanette. Me and my friend waved/smiled at her, and she only looked at my friend and brushed past us. I turned around and looked confused, and she just kept walking. Then on the bus she didnt sit by us. I said bye to her when I got off on my stop, to which she also replied saying bye. Later that day, she left my messages from earlier on read.

Now today comes. I text her hi. No response. I go to our meeting up places, no presence. I text her again and she finally repsonded.

I asked if everything was okay, and she replied “just tired.” But then she said I ignored her and walked past her. I thought she’d connect the dots—that I was clearly upset from my texts and behavior and couldn’t speak at that moment. This always happens. When I’m upset about something else, she thinks it’s about her, and then makes it about her. It’s exhausting.

I get that my silence may have hurt her feelings, but I really needed a friend and some grace in that moment. I tried to get her to understand that by pointing out how she always does this, and she responded by saying those small things hurt her too. I snapped and said, “Not everything is about you.” I know that wasn’t the best thing to say, but I was overwhelmed, hurt, and frustrated. She left that on read, and now I don’t know what to do.[/size][/color][/font]

[Xx_darkflameninja_xX]

okay so
i know your in a bad headspace which is fine
you dont gotta be happy all the time
but your right then you did somethings wrong
and jeanete did somethings wrong to


not every friend is someone you can cry on
some friends have hard lifes to
when you wanted to break down i dont think you wouldve been ready to help someone else wanting to break down
and jeanete did at least ask you whats going on
even if the bell rang at a bad time she did at least give you a chance to ask if you can tell her about it later


but maybe jeanete is in a bad headspace right now
maybe she isnt a friend you can cry on
but if you both keep trying to make your friendship work
then that means you gotta see something good about her
and shes gotta see something good about you


im not gonna tell you what to do because im not your boss
but i think if you told jeanete why you didnt talk when she asked whats wrong
and that her friendship means alot to you
and that you didnt mean to hurt her when you were hurting
that would be a good start
and if that ends on a happy note
maybe then you can jeanete about the betrayel
and how you feel alone
and then tell her again how important your friendship with her is
that would be a good end