TeenHelp - Sometimes I feel like my parents should get divorced

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Sometimes I feel like my parents should get divorced

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]My parents are happy together for the most part but when they fight it's always about the same thing-money. My dad is a simple man with very less expenses and mild anger issues. My mom on the other hand doesn't spend extensively but she likes a good retail therapy. Almost twice a year they end up fighting over how much money is being spent in the household. It's not like we're spending money we don't have. All the spending is very controlled. I just feel like my dad's not being able to comprehend the fact that as the household income increases the expenditures also increase. He wants us to spend the same amount of money we used to spend 10 years ago. Which is not realistic. Sometimes I don't understand why my mom deals with my dad's anger issues. But the fact is that no matter how angry he gets he would still love his wife and kids. but everytime something happens my mom becomes his anger release. He takes out all his anger on my mom and she just takes it. I don't know what to do[/size][/color][/font]

Re: Sometimes I feel like my parents should get divorced

Hi,

Welcome to Teenhelp and thank you so much for coming on and telling us about what you have been going through and I am sorry about all of this and hope that you will be okay soon. One thing that everyone will get into fights about is money, it doesn't matter how much or how little you have, a lot of people are always getting into fights about this because they are upset with how much someone is spending in the family. When they are fighting try to get out of the house if you can and go for a walk or put on headphones so that you are not listening to this when they are yelling. Also try talking to them when they are calm about how the fighting makes you feel when they are in a good mood. I hope you will be okay soon.

Re: Sometimes I feel like my parents should get divorced

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear that you've been made aware of the fights between your parents. Finances can certainly cause strain and lead to fights, especially when two people have differing views on how money should be handled. That being said, this isn't something that you should have been made aware of, as it isn't something that directly concerns you. Because of that, any conversation about it should have been handled behind closed doors between your parents.

Because you are aware of the fights, it's completely understandable that you might have strong feelings about the situation. Is this something that you can talk to your parents about? While it might seem uncomfortable, there's nothing wrong with asking if you can talk to both of them (or one of them privately if that's more comfortable for you) about the way their fighting is impacting you. You can let them know that it upsets you to know that they aren't happy and that you are concerned about the impact it is having on your family. In discussing it with them, you may also want to express your needs, such as asking them not to fight when they know you are around. While it might not change everything, it may make things a little bit easier for you as they work out their issues.

Are there people that you can talk to or activities that you can participate in to cope when your parents do fight? Having a support system can be extremely beneficial and can be made up of people such as other family members, close friends, or trusted adults from school, church, or your neighborhood. While talking to others about it won't necessarily change the circumstance, doing so does provide you with an outlet to express your feelings and feel heard by others. Having activities that allow you to have an emotional outlet are just as important, especially in moments when your parents are actively fighting. These could include going for a walk or jog in your neighborhood, making something creative that expresses how you're feeling, or listening to music that helps center you. At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you provide yourself with tools to help cope with everything going on in your home life.

I hope this helped some! Please feel free to reach out again if there is anything else that we can help with.

Take care,
Sam