i dont fit in with my family

[velma]

i have some cousins around my own age but theyre all a lot more intense than me, theyre 2 girls. recently the entire family went on a trip together to try and get closer together and before that i hadnt seen my cousins or more-so talk to them in like 2-3 years(?) and i thought we'd all get along and become best friends or something which is embarrassing to admit after seeing them..
theyre all a lot more. 'mature' than me. they like to drink and smoke and i wouldnt be surprised if they were already sexually active.. and when im around them i feel like a brown stain on white clothes, i dont fit in at all.
they find my interests weird, or they would if they even tried to ask me about them.. theyre like popular girls who are sporty, and know how to do makeup, and are pretty theyre like gymrats and they love social media like instagram and tiktok. which is fine, but its none of the stuff i like and i was willing to put all that aside but they clearly have no interest in being around me, they just hang out with eachother. the most recent family gathering i brought my bf to and suddenly they kept trying to be around me and trying to initiate conversation (i didnt get the hint though.. so we didnt talk much) but them finding out i had been dating this guy longer than my (1 year) older cousin had been dating her boyfriend.. they looked shocked. as if i am just so weird how could i ever have a boyfriend for so long?? i dont know.. they dont really seem to like me until they notice im kind of a human being. but maybe im overthinking about this? id love to be friends with them and have them teach me makeup and how to be pretty and i could show them stuff like rock music or interesting storys about those rockstars (or how to dance bc those girls NEED IT. lol) but i feel like theyll never see me as more than the weird nerdy cousin.

[Moxie.]

Hi Velma,

Thank you for reaching out to us on TeenHelp!

Family dynamic can be tricky. Personally, I have cousins that I was really close with growing up and cousins that I didn't become close with until adulthood. The latter was for a lot of the same reasons you described - we just didn't have a lot in common. While it can feel incredibly hard, it definitely is possible for you to form a relationship with your cousins.

It's entirely possible that they may be feeling the same as you. If your cousins also think you don't have common interests, it might also make them unsure of how to get close to you. That might be a great place to start! You mentioned that you'd like them to teach you about things like makeup. That sounds like a great place to start. If you live close to each other, perhaps you could reach out to them and let them know that you noticed that their makeup always looks incredible and that you would love it if they could teach you how to do a basic look. If you're not in close enough proximity for them to be able to show you how to do it, perhaps you could do it over text or a video call. You can also ask them questions about things like how they got into makeup, if they have any favorite brands, etc. Hopefully, by taking an interest in the things that they like, they will recognize that you're making an effort to get to know them better and, in turn, ask you questions about some of the things that you enjoy. You may not have a lot in common right now, but it's definitely still possible to form a bond through making an effort to get to know each other.

I hope this helped! Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions.

Take care,
Sam