Triggering (SH): my stepdad.

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Hello, I am a teenage girl in need of help over my stepfather. He's not exactly a horrible person. He doesn't hurt anyone physically and treats the family to activities and such all the time. But the way he's treated me emotionally since a young age is confusing me over if he's entirely alright.

In elementary school, I was bullied to the point of tears on a daily basis. I was scared to go to school, and at school I didn't want to go home. The reason for that? My stepdad. He would yell at me, and ground me for up to six months over "talking back".

Generally, this was me telling him to leave me alone. He would back me into corners if he got too worked up and get so close I could feel his spit on my face. It terrified me. Sure, he would buy me things and treated me mum well. But it got to the point that I was sad whenever he'd come home, and I still have the knee-jerk reaction to hide whatever I'm doing when he arrives out of nervousness. I never do anything incriminating with my hobbies or when I browse the internet, but I was always worried, however irrationally.

As I got a bit older, I suffered from extreme problems with a mental illness. It was OCD, and I was terrified of germs. I would force myself to stay in bed from when I woke up to when I'd go back to sleep, I wouldn't touch anything, and many of my possessions I had to get rid of because my mind solidly decided without my imput that they were "ruined". This made my childhood even worse, as you could probably guess. It worried my parents, it worried me, and for multiple years we all suffered. I believe this could have added to the anger he often has at me. So I do believe that this could at least partially be my fault for causing all that negativity with my issues.

I would like to mention that I am neurodivergent. My stepfather says I am using my neurodiverisity as a crutch. I think I shouldn't make jokes about it or have fun talking to other neurodiverse people about our stims and such around him. He tells me repeatedly it's not that hard to pay attention, the noises I can't stand aren't that bad, and that I'm generally overreacting. I don't believe that he has ever tried looking at resources or understanding, and I am proud of my neurodiversity, which I don't talk about around him. He's not explicitly against it, he doesn't have a huge problem with it, I don't think. It's just that he doesn't want to recognise it at all.

Some of the things he speaks about when he yells at me include the following. He constantly brings up how he pays for everything and owns everything in the house, so everyone should listen to him. He says my eating habits are piggish and has called me a pig. He has called me selfish many times. A lot of stuff about "you're the kid and I'm the adult" or my not having any power over him but him having plenty over me.

A year or so back, I self harmed quite a bit. I will not go into detail. When it was found out, he spent weeks trying to guilt trip me and not giving me any help other than bringing it up a bunch in an attempt to make me feel bad. My mum, although she did join in on the guilt tripping, organized in-school therapy for me. Thanks, mum!

I don't really know. He takes us on vacations, though they seem to stress him out and he gets upset pretty easily during them. He buys us things, which is nice of him. My little sister, who is five, got a phone and is generally having a good time, though I'm worried the love felt will dwindle in her teens like it did for me. I don't want to ruin this family. My mum says I'm overreacting and he's trying to be better.

A few minutes ago I was peeling the shell off of a boiled egg, and he said I was making a mess. I said I'd pick it up and throw it out when I finished peeling it, and he got pretty mad. Before I had finished peeling it, he grabbed my phone and locked my other devices using Family Link, then told me to go clean my room. I am typing this on my school device, which I didn't tell him I have because he's overly paranoid about technology in general.

Anyways, thank you for reading through this if you're here, and I hope I can get some help from you guys! I hope you have a nice day, strangers.[/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello,

Thank you so much for coming onto Teenhelp and telling us about what you have been going through and I am sorry about this and hope that you will be okay soon.

Your stepfather should not be acting or doings this to you. As a parent they should always look out for us and never hurt us like this. They should be looking out for us and when we need some help with something, they help us and never put us down in any way. Are you able to talk to anyone about what has been happening to you? Can you talk to your mother or if you have any siblings or can you try talking to your friends or friends parents or your favorite teachers at school or the school counselor and let them know about all of this and see if they can help you out and talk to your stepfather too? Also when you are having trouble with OCD, you can try talking to the school counselor because they are very nice and know so much about everything that we are going through and they would love to help you out with this, so that you will be okay soon. When you are having a hard time with all of this try to find something to help you get your mind off of this for a while, putting on music or watching movies or TV shows or calling a friend or drawing or painting or something else that you enjoy doing and hopefully this can help pick you up. If you ever wanted to join Teenhelp you are more than welcome to. You can talk about anything that you or someone you know is going through. I hope you will be okay soon.