Triggering (Abuse): I’m hurt but also jealous?

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]For context this is about a friend of mine.

In terms of hurt: there was a bit of a situation where this friend was very focused on boys, it got to the point where she would constantly check her phone or texts, join live streams and leave for hours then come back to “say hi” to them in the middle of us hanging out. We had no more conversations about interests because everything tied back to the guy she was seeing that week. I overlooked this and was happy that she was excited and that the constant break offs didn’t dim her spirit but I felt very used as a friend as it was obvious that she only hung out or called when she couldn’t be with who she really wanted to hang out with. She also offered to take me on a trip for my birthday (I was paying, she was the ride), however when I reached out about it it turns out she booked a concert on my birthday. It hurt but I overlooked it again even though I would be able to see my sister who is going through breast cancer treatment if we went. I asked friends if I was being irrational and they said I was only being to nice and giving her to much empathy. After she realized she missed my birthday I never got a happy late birthday or an apology, just a message of her fishing for me to tell her it’s okay. After not responding for a bit, she reached out- I assumed it was another “I can’t have the attention from the ones I want so you’re my best option” so I responded cautiously only to be proven right.

In terms of jealousy: I have recently let her back into my life but less closely. I don’t want to be mean but I also don’t want to let her back in. We had a good time and when boys were mentioned I brought it up and she had seemed to matured. This was a short lived moment in the grand skim of things but during the hangout we talked about money and home life. I grew up poor, on the street unsure of my next meal, working as much as possible in high school to not hear my siblings cry in their sleep of hunger. On top of that I had a very traumatizing childhood full of many types of abuse and neglectful parents. She is about middle-middle class and has other privileges and life opportunities I never got (house, car from parents for both siblings, college paid for, teams in school that parents paid the fees for). When were talking about economic background, after I stated that I grew up poor she mentioned how her family is going through a rough patch and explained a situation that sounds like a blessing.

I think that was the straw that broke things. I feel like she’s had every childhood wish, potential relationships left and right (which might not count to many since they don’t last very long), and is just one of those people that started out ahead rather than in survival mode. I know I’ve come and I did it on my own, I don’t want to feel like People around me need Be great fil for parents doing their job, I’ve spent most of this energy investing in myself from appearance, to finances, and college classes. Im back to that mind set wear I was constantly achieving, winning, and proved myself over the people I was jealous of- just to feel like none of it mattered against someone that had a mom.

The good news is I am healthy, in therapy and probably have nothing to be jealous of, but I still feel hurt and like privilege of economics and a safe home are being rubbed in my face. Any advice? She’s a very nice person, just young and i want to have a healthy relationship. I think I tend to get snappy so I’ve been really thinking on it before doing much but honestly I’m unsure. I don’t want to hold hate in my heart.[/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello,

Thank you so much for coming onto Teenhelp and telling us about what you have been going through and I am so sorry about all of this and I hope that you will be okay soon.

When we are getting together with all of our friends and we are hanging out or watching movies or playing games or just talking and we have one friend who is always on the phone, it can be hard to not get upset about this. Because they are with us, but not really because they are talking to someone else. Would you be able to try talking with her about this when you are all together hanging out? Let her know how this is making you feel and see about if she can not be on the phone so much. If you do not want to be friends with someone, you can stop being friends with them and say why you feel like this. You want to try finding friends who want to be with you and have fun and if this is not happening, try talking to them about it and see if this can change. I wish you the best with this and I hope that everything works out for you soon.