TeenHelp - My friend feels like I am using her

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My friend feels like I am using her

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]I have had been friends with a girl since 7th grade currently I am in 10th grade(giving final exams). We were actually a trio and we were super close in 7th and 8th however in 9th grade I had a hard time with some family stuff and I got distant from them and found a new friend(it was also lockdown). The new friend and I grew really close and she had a problem with me talking to my other friends and so i had to distance myself from being a part of that trio and last month this girl called me and had a mental breakdown and told me how it hurts her and I realised my mistake and i started going to them both more often and usually it's with my problems...other than that we hang out too but we were never really the deep conversation type of friends. Things between us would always feel the same to me it's like a feeling of returning home and not being left out even if you haven't returned in years. And the day before my new friend had a problem so the girl (girl from seventh let's say A),she said she would help with the other new friend who was clearly being toxic and i agreed to it but at the last moment i backed out because i felt like i wasn't ready and she got really sad and hurt and told me that she doesn't want to hear about me or my problems anymore and that she feels like I am only using her. I tried to explain but she said she doesn't wanna be friends with my anymore because I am hurting her....But I had no intention of hurting her or making her feel like I am using her what do i do to solve this?[/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]

Re: My friend feels like I am using her

I’m sorry to hear that you are having conflicts with your friend right now!

Maybe it would help to give your friend time to cool down before approaching her again. It doesn’t have to be a long time, but just enough time for her to breathe. During this time it may help to think about why your friend may be feeling like this, such as if she feels frustrated that you didn’t take her support after talking to her about it.

I’d talk to her after the cool down period. If you’re not sure why she’s upset, let her know that you want to understand more about what’s going on and you’d like to know how she’s feeling. I’d let her know that you’re sorry for not taking her advice and recognize that this can feel frustrating (referring to the advice about the toxic friend). You can let her know you had no intention of hurting her or using her and let her know some ways that you can change things, such as by making sure she knows she can go to you for support too. Let her know you’re willing to set healthy boundaries with her and ask if you can come up with a solution together with her. Make sure that if you talk to her you use “I statements” like “I feel (emotion) when (action).” Don’t use “you statements” like “you make me feel (emotion)” because this can lead to defensiveness. Try not to be defensive when she speaks to you as well. Staying calm will help the situation.

If she doesn’t want to talk you can’t force her unfortunately. You can either try again at a later date (but don’t be pushy), or let things go. If worst comes to worst and she doesn’t want to repair the friendship, know that you at least made the effort and you still have the good memories with her. You won’t lose those. It’s okay to grieve the friendship and take time to process what’s happened. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that though!