Not friends anymore...?

[Starseeker]

I’ve known A for four years and we’ve got very close during the last year. He’s the one I wrote a letter to in June, admitting that I liked him (some of you may remember that thread). We met in July, cleared it up and things between us seemingly returned to normal.


In winter I met a girl (I’ll call her E) during a party hosted by A. We instantly connected and quickly formed a friendship. She’s the girlfriend of A’s best friend (I’ll call him C). Sorry it’s getting complicated



So during the past year I partied and generally spent quite a lot of time with those three and I invited them to my summerhouse at the beginning of holidays. I felt like they were really my friends. After that trip we were all travelling on and off, so I only got the chance to meet them again a week ago. I had been anticipating the meeting throughout the whole July & August. A invited me and E to his place (C was away). We had a really good time on this ‘surface’ level, but in fact I came back home the next day super anxious and upset. Here’s why:


- I told them about my interest in astrology, spiritualism etc. I’m quite deep into those things but I never tell people because they’re quick to judge and I feel like they don’t take me seriously after they know about it. So even my closest friends didn’t know. Especially A is super rational and science-oriented (of course I believe in science too but that’s a different topic). I had had a few drinks and I told them, but immediately after I knew I shouldn’t have done it. They started prompting me to tell them more and more and honestly I felt like a comedian during a stand-up, making a fool of myself for the sake of their entertainment. I really regretted starting that conversation at all. Later during the night they made a joke or two on that topic and it really hurt.
- It turned out they were planning to go on a trip to the mountains with C and some other friends that week, but decided against because of bad weather. I hadn’t known and that hurt too. I didn’t have the guts to admit it and ask why they hadn’t invited me.
- A&C study in a different country and I really wanted to visit that country as well, so I thought I could go with A at the beginning of September and return after a few days or so. I had to resign because of strict covid measures (I’d have to pay a lot for tests). During the meeting E told me she’s going there with C in September to sightsee a bit and then come back. She hadn’t known I wanted to go there too, but A had known, and he didn’t tell me that E was going. If I had known my decision could have been different.
- Also, A invited E&C and some other friends to his summerhouse just before the trip to mine. He had not invited me. I found out in July, but I shrugged it off, maybe he had his reasons. But now it seems he hasn’t invited me not on one, but three trips.


On the other hand, he invited me to his house last week so it doesn’t seem as if he dislikes my company.
To sum up, all these things combined hurt me a lot and I’m at a loss. I don’t know if it makes sense to engage in these friendships anymore.

I'm extremely grateful for reading the whole story, I know it's long. I'll appreciate any advice and your views on the whole situation.
xxx S

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

It definitely does hurt when friends invite other people to things and then don't invite you, especially if it's something really big and they assume you don't want to/can't go. I've had that happen recently in one of my friend groups!

Do you think it would be worth it to talk to them about how this hurts you? It may not be that they don't have to be friends anymore, but it may be that they genuinely didn't realize how much this would hurt you. If they don't know, they'll never be able to rectify the situation. Maybe let them know that even if you may not be able to go for whatever reason, you still appreciate the invites and being included in things.

I know this wasn't super detailed advice but I mainly wanted to let you know that you definitely aren't alone in that, and your feelings are very valid!