Triggering (Suicide): I'm scared for my dad

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]My dad is a great guy, he's the most caring loving parent I could imagine. He has always been so wonderful and kind, but now he's going through a tough time and I don't know what to do or how I can help him. He is not the kind to really share his problems with us, especially because he is a doctor and there are a lot of things he can't tell us. What I do know is that some nurse who used to work for him stole things from the practice and filed a lawsuit on him. She did this to other doctors too.

Now the medical board won't leave him alone, even though the nurse is the one who did the wrong thing. They keep on 'testing' him and even when the assessors said he did good, they don't let him be in peace.

I read a news article about a doctor who went through something similar, and he died by suicide because of these stresses. I really don't want that to happen to him...

Simply telling him we are always here for him won't work because he would shut himself away I think. I've tried to be happier around him, but the truth is I'm depressed too and this is really hard for me. I know that when he was in his 20s he went through a depressive period and I'm scared this is the same thing, and that he might be thinking of suicide. Today he was really really sad.

I don't know what to do...[/size][/color][/font]

Hey there, first I want to say I am so sorry you haven't gotten a response yet.

What your dad is going through sounds very stressful, and it seems like this nurse has targeted other doctors in the past and not just your dad. This individual clearly has unresolved issues and it might not have anything to do with your dad at all, just like it might not have anything to do with those other doctors; but this is clearly — and understandably so! — having a profound negative effect on your dad. I am so sorry you're going through this.

The important thing is that you and your family should keep reminding him of how important he is; but as you said, he will shut himself off and especially if you're overbearing. As a young person, this is certainly not something you should be dealing with; you should be focused on things such as school, career, employment, social life, etc. It's's really nice you're taking time out of your life to provide support for your dad and thanks for reaching out on here!

Could you recommend he speak to a therapist? It sounds like he has a lot of unnecessary burden, and you're carrying some of it when you shouldn't be. I think it would be extremely beneficial for him; and as an older individual, it's understandable he'd have his doubts about therapy but I think if you sit down with him and the rest of your family to have a chat, it'll be more productive as opposed to say... you talk to him by yourself.

I'm sorry if this wasn't super great advice and I hope someone else comes along with their insight.

Wishing you good thoughts and feel free to reach out again.

[Rivière]

Sometimes there's only so much support we can give a person. Even if they are a member of our family. There's only so much we can do and say. Sometimes, whenever I'd see my mum having a down day or just feeling crap, or my uncle would feel stressed because of how bad his workplace had been, I'd try and support them less with words and more with actions.

Works are great but they can only provide a certain level of support. Actions speak volumes. And I'm not talking doing some amazing gesture that somehow fixes all his problems, because something like that would likely be impossible. I'm referring to the little things. Cheer him up with a bar of chocolate or his favourite food. Make him a hot drink to keep him going. Replace something old with something new. Buy him some new clothes. Most of all, just be there for him. Sometimes a person's presence is all somebody needs to help make them feel like they're less alone, even if their burdens are ones that can't be shared. The fact he knows you're there to support him is what can help keep him going. Especially on a rough day.

[Mallika]

Hello there,

Thank you so much for reaching out. I can imagine it must have been quite difficult to share something so deep and painful.

First of all, you're being a wonderful child to your father by being so thoughtful and worried about his plight. He seems to be going through a lot by himself. I would say that your best bet is to get him to open up about what is going on in his life, because only then can the conversation about next steps (towards recovery, seeking help, etc.) come about.

You would need to find a quiet time where you can talk to him personally, face-to-face. Try asking him if he will be free any of the upcoming days, and if so, a convenient timing for both of you to talk. If you feel it might be challenging to have this conversation with him alone, you might want to ask your Mom or any other reliable person to be with you. Just the way you expressed your concerns to us here on TeenHelp, tell him about your concerns. Having been trained in suicide intervention, I can tell you that one of the best ways to step in and help someone who might be in dire need of it is to get them to open up. You may then tell him that help and support is always available should he wish to speak with a professional, and that you wish that he seek such support for his own (and your) wellbeing. You can even send him some links where he can access counselling support. I'm attaching two links here, and you can send him these:
https://www.betterhelp.com
https://www.7cups.com

Remember that he's your father at the end of the day. Parents naturally tend to put their kids before themselves. If he can understand how concerned you are, he might be prompted to seek help bearing you in mind.

Take care and feel free to PM me if you have any questions!