How do I avoid toxic situtions?

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]I've noticed a pattern in basically everything involving relationships with people, including teachers, family, friends, dating, jobs, and housing. I always end up being taken advantage of. I don't have much control over family being toxic (those who were, are cut off from me) and teachers, but i can just drop the class now that im in college.

but for everything else, the toxicity sneaks up. Like it's there but I don't perceive it as bad until it's too late. any tips on how to avoid more of these situtions?[/size]

[Mallika]

Hello there,

Thank you for reaching out and I'm sorry that you haven't got a reply yet.

You're definitely not alone in feeling like you're always caught in toxic situations. I too have been in situations where people have taken advantage of me.

In reality, navigating such situations comes with experience. Now that you've been through many instances whereby you have felt that you've been taken advantage of, you would eventually come to learn about dealing with people more carefully. I can share some things which I have learned from my own experiences and hopefully they might help you:

- Think twice before committing to something or someone. While it's important to be affable and it is an asset to be an easy-going person, we still have to be careful before getting too close to people. And this is not just for romantic relationships, but friendships as well. It's not always easy to learn about someone's character especially if you've known them for a short period of time, but it does pay to understand who their company is, what their general tendencies are before you get close to them.

- It's okay to say 'no'. Sometimes, it's important for us to put our foot down and say 'no'. For example, someone asks you for a considerable sum of money or asks you to do a task that they were supposed to do, simply because you're a nice person, you have all the rights to say 'no' if you're not comfortable. Saying 'no' doesn't make you a bad friend - rather, it just reinforces that you value yourself. You come across as a confident and clear-headed person to others, who will then think twice before trying to manipulate you.

- It's okay not to get too close to people. In my life personally, close friends have come and gone. Do I value friends? Of course I do; they're such an important part of my life. But the consequence of best friends coming and going is a realisation that one has to be his or her own best companion. I love my friends, but I'm also perfectly comfortable in my own company. I find that this helps me stay content and peaceful. As such, I don't have to be caught amidst friendships dramas and whatnot (I've been in those situations before and they're not fun!).

Take care

[Rivière]

I completely agree with Mallika. Experience plays a huge part in knowing what kind of friendship is going to be good or bad. I've had my fair share of terrible friendships, and only a handful of good ones.

First and foremost, I've learnt to accept that friendships come and go all the time. It's rare to have a friendship that lasts years, even decades. I have just one friend whom I've known for 12 years and even then it's because we're online friends. In-person friends, I find, are much more short-term. It's difficult to find a friend that's truly going to be 100% amazing and works well with our personality. Our exposure to potentially good friends is limited to our every day life, whereas online, it's not.

I don't think there is any way to avoid toxic situations in general. We're always going to find ourselves in a situation where there will be somebody who is more selfish, self-centred, and uncaring about others. Every single person we meet is going to be completely different. However, once you get to learn how people behave in general, you start to notice patterns in such behaviour, and learn to determine what kind of engagements are good, and bad. Again, this comes with experience gained over the course of time.