Friends making me pick one of them

[Nikkkkki]

The names used are not real.

This is quite a long and complicated situation so i'll try to make sense.
I have two friends who are dating eachother. One of them, i"ll call them Sam, has been my friend for a few years. There was a point where we had a crush on eachother, but that has very much passed. The other one, I'll call them Alex, i met because Sam was dating them. We have known each other for a few months and have gotten pretty close. Here comes my problem. Sam is very jealous that i hang out with Alex often, they refuses to speak to them if we are hanging out and are mad at Alex. It makes Alex very very upset. I do think they are quite toxic for eachother. Sam thinks Alex will leave them for me and doesnt let them hang out with anyone. The problem is Sam is on vacation for a month and knows very well that i have no other friends.
I am very scared that Sam will make me choose between them and Alex and i wont know what to do. Anyone have any advice?

Hey there. I am sorry you are in such a complicated situation. I hope we are able to help.

I agree with your opinion that Sam and Alex's relationship is a toxic one, especially on the part of Sam. The behavior they are exhibiting is quite concerning, to be honest. They seem to be trying to control their partner and that can lead to abusive behavior. I don't feel it's safe for them to be together, and I don't really think it is safe for you to be in the middle, either.

All we can do in life is make our own choices, to the best of our ability, given the resources we have at that time. We can't let other people try and control our lives; it just doesn't work. Sam is out of line, and honestly I think it's safer if you and Alex are away from them. I wouldn't get in the middle of this if you can help it, because Sam's actions are stemming from their own insecurities, and they need to have an open, honest talk with Alex about what is really going on with them. But I will say this: if Sam gives you an ultimatum, I advise you pick Alex. Ultimatums are inherent unhealthy and generally relationships don't repair themselves well after one is given. Sam is in the wrong here, and if you are forced to choose a friend in this situation, I would choose the supportive one who is not exhibiting abusive behavior.

That's just my two cents, but I hope it helps you. Again, I am sorry you are in this situation. It really sucks, but I hope you choose to take care of yourself as best you can, because ultimately you gotta look out for number one: you.

[katiemoor]

Ohh, friend

I am sorry to hear that

really sad

It is a really difficult situation

I hope you will decide what to do

[WhisperingSilence]

Hey, I've been in a similar situation, when two of my friends fell out, they didn't want to be around each other and they would both get upset if I spent time with the other one, eventually I spoke with a adult I trusted (in this case it was a staff member at my supported living home) and they helped me, we decided I needed to like basically tell both of them that I want to be friends with both of them and it doesn't mean that I am going to ignore one or the other, and that I will still be friends with both of them. I then explained to both of them that I do not want to be put in the middle and be made to pick sides and listen to them slag each other off behind their backs as it puts me in an awkward if not incredibly difficult situation, sadly the friendship with the other girl who I was not as close with fizzled out as she kinda like began to shut everyone out..
I think you need to sit down and talk to them both individually and explain you wish to be friends with both of them and explain that you are not going to leave one for the other and just ask them to trust you and explain to them that you will hang out with them separately and its not that you are picking sides or choosing one over the other.

if they are real and true friends they will respect this and your decision.