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[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Start when I was five years old, my older sister would touch me under my outfit in my bed. She said it's ok because we are sisters. I hated it and I had to touch her. I feel like something is wrong with me now that I'm older and it upsets me. Sorry if it's stupid.[/size][/color][/font]

[Everglow.]

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out, it must have taken a lot of courage to do that. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this, but there is definitely nothing wrong with you, and it's not stupid for it to be upsetting you now that you're old enough to understand what happened. This is definitely not an okay thing for any child to do.

Is there somebody in your family who you could talk to about this? Maybe a parent or trusted aunt or uncle, or a cousin for example? I do feel like talking about this could be really beneficial as you've kept it a secret for all this time. They may even be able to help you receive some professional support for this. Sometimes it takes many years for things like this to fully become understood, especially as you were so young when it happened. Because of that, it's a lot to cope with all on your own when the reality of it hits you. A professional, such as a therapist or counsellor, may be able to help you process this in a healthy way.

Depending on how old your sister was when this happened, it's possible she didn't even understand the reality of these actions herself. But regardless of this, how you feel now is not stupid and you should never have had to go through this.

[Mallika]

Hello there,

Thank you for reaching out. You are definitely not stupid for feeling this way. This is a valid matter to talk about.

Firstly, how old was your sister when this started? If she was going through her adolescence, she would have been at an age where sexual interests begin forming. Like Hollie said, she might not have understood the repercussions of what was going on, but would've carried on with what her mind and emotions dictated her to do. However, it was clearly not right as you had to do something that made you extremely uncomfortable, without your consent that too at such a tender age. It is natural that even after many years, you are plagued by complex emotions. Your feelings are absolutely valid, let me assure you of that.

It would be ideal if you could get professional support for this, to help you cope and eventually come to a better mental plane with regard to this. Are you in a position to talk to your parents? Or if you are in school/college, could you meet with a guidance counsellor? Alternatively, you could also contact your local sexual assault crisis centre for support. We have a page listing several hotlines that you might want to check: http://www.teenhelp.org/hotlines/

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk it out! Take care