Triggering (Abuse): Awkward situation

I've had this group of friends since I was nineteen, twenty years old. Over time we've drifted apart a bit, but we still stay in touch via social media. Anyway, a few years ago one of my friends, we'll call them N, came forward and said that another person in the group, we'll call him J, cornered her at a party and attempted to sexually assault her. Knowing how J is I can believe it, and I choose to believe victims of abuse anyway, so on social media I unfriended J, his girlfriend, and another friend who was really close with them.

I haven't had to worry about it much because I haven't hung out with these people in person in years. I know J and his girlfriend are the godparents to my friends' baby, so I was worried that would be awkward if I ever went and visited them, but they live a couple of hours away, so I wasn't too concerned. However, in the last year I've been talking to someone we will call C. C and I are planning on hanging out and maybe dating, if things go well. However, C went to high school with J, and they've been friends for many years. They are only in occasional contact, but they still talk.

I am not sure what to do. I think J is an abuser, and uses the fact he is charming and attractive to lure victims. I want to see C and maybe my other friends from that group but I have no idea how to interact with J or explain to him and his friends why I unfriended them on social media. I don't want to lose these friendships (minus J, of course) because they were an important part of my early adulthood, and I still like them all. What do I do? How do I handle this situation in a way that I can preserve my integrity, but no one gets hurt?

[.Brittany.]

Hi Eli,

It definitely sounds like you're in a difficult position currently. I'm wondering if it may be possible at all to reach out to J's friend, and talk to them about what N told you. Just to be able to get to the bottom of this.

Thankfully, Facebook among other social media platforms is notorious for 'unfriending' people without you meaning to. This has happened to my friends and I many times. This could be a good reason as to why you're no longer friends on social media if they were to ask about it. You could also talk to C about it and see what they think.

I hope this helps! Please keep us updated.