I feel like they have forgotten me

[Ragamuffin]

I was very close to my colleagues in my previous job, we were like a family. However, I haven’t really heard from them in a while and I’m starting to feel like they have forgotten about me. It was my birthday yesterday and not one of them messaged me despite being online. I can’t help feeling hurt. I keep thinking about my last day and how nobody seemed to show any sadness towards my departure or tried to comfort me when cried, even after all the times we laughed and cried together. A couple of them said they would miss me and did ask how I was doing in my new job when I first started, but now I don’t hear from them unless I message first and I’m starting to question if they really do miss me.

I guess the purpose of this post is just to vent more than anything else. I don’t really expect any advice, just needed to get this off my chest.

[Everglow.]

I'm sorry to hear your colleagues from your previous job haven't been keeping in touch. I can understand why you feel like they might not miss you and that's not a nice feeling to have considering you were all so close.

I think sometimes with work colleagues it's tricky because when people leave and move on to do new jobs, it puts a lot of distance between people. I know that when I left my previous job, for a short while I was in regular touch with many of the people I worked with, and over time that drifted away and we just stopped talking. The same thing has happened to people who have left the job I'm in now - we stayed in touch for a while, and then it just kind of fizzled out. It's not a nice thing to happen, but I think sometimes work colleagues are good friends while you're working together, and after that people do stop putting in the effort. I don't think this means they don't miss you and I don't think they've forgotten about you either, I think sometimes it's just one of those things. Jobs change quite a lot for people, and so especially in some work places there's such a high staff turn over that staying in touch with everyone is hard.

That obviously doesn't make it any easier on you, but I do feel for you because I've been there, and the feelings it brings on are not nice.

[Stacey]

Hi Scout,
I'm sorry to hear you are feeling that way. It's always hard and tricky to navigate friendships especially in a work setting, I know I've definitely dealt with this myself.

As Hollie said, there are a lot of factors that make keeping up with colleagues even ones that you form relationships with, a bit difficult. From high turn-over to increasing work obligations. In addition to that, in the last year and a half especially, a lot of people have had to work hard to create the boundaries between work and home since many people are now working from home or working in situations that have had to drastically adjust to the current issues and that can be stressful. In creating those boundaries sometimes people can create that association that "even though we have a good relationship, they're my colleague or old colleague and that's work-related." That means that when they're in work mode they may be busy and reaching out slips their mind, and when they've left their work environment for the day they quickly fall into their home routines.

I know that may not seem helpful, and the feelings you're having are valid, but hopefully, it will make it a bit easier to understand where they may be coming from. While it may feel bad to be the one to reach out all the time if you're thinking of them sending them a nice message to check in may be a welcome surprise.

[Mallika]

Hi Scout,

Thank you for reaching out. Firstly, your feelings are completely valid and natural. It is clear that you were very close to the people in your previous job.

I can imagine how much it hurts. I've been in jobs where I've been pretty close to people and yet no one messaged me on my birthday though I was still on that job though everyone gets a Facebook notification on my birthday. But as I've had to learn the hard way, not everyone values friendships as much as we do. Especially in the workplace setting, people tend to move on quickly with life. This is so especially when you move on to another job. You know the saying 'out of sight, out of mind'? That's unfortunately the harsh reality. This is so not just for the workplace, but even in school/college. After graduating, a lot of people just don't talk to the same bunch they were once so close to in school/college.

It is of course sad that they do not seem to hold on to the friendships you forged when all of you went through laughter and tears in the past. However, it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't like you. While it definitely hurts that not even one person wished you, sometimes people just seem to focus on their present work and colleagues. That being said, there are definitely people out there who will treasure your company and presence, even long after you are no longer immediately involved with them as a colleague. Such people may not have been present in your previous workplace, but you might meet them in the future.

The fact that you miss your previous colleagues and wish that they didn't forget you speaks highly of your character - you're certainly one who cherishes relationships. You don't have to let go of that streak because of this incident or because of your previous colleagues. It will help to accept that unfortunately this lot wasn't so appreciative of you, but that is their problem, not yours. It doesn't mean you are not worthy or special.

Take care and feel free to PM me if you have any questions!