I don’t know what I should do with her

[Gris]

I have this friend and I take friendships really seriously. If I like somebody as a friend a lot in my mind that automatically means they’ll be my friend forever, this usually doesn’t end up well for me but that’s just how it is. In the past, I have been ghosted randomnly by my best friends without explanation. I’m talking 5 year friendships, just gone randomnly one after the other. Because of this I like to be brutally honest with my friends so they do the same with me, if they want to never talk to me again I prefer they say that rather than ghost me. Now this friend I met her in quarantine and we talked for hours everyday, but recently she’s been answering me once every five days. I know she doesn’t like texting so although I was sad, I just waited for her to do whatever she wanted. Today basically she told me she wants to drop her 3 year relationship with her best friend. The reason for this was because of factors that are unknown and that she wants a new life. She wants to get rid of everyone she knows and meet new people, so she’s ignoring everyone she knows because she basically wants to be alone. She says that once she distances herself, she doesn’t care about that person anymore. She says she doesn’t want to do that with me so she’ll try to keep our friendship but it might happen. On one side I’m happy she was so honest with me, on the other hand I’m disappointed she might drop me randomnly and forget I ever existed. She said she doesn’t know what will happen, meaning that I’m supposed to talk to her and just wait for her to get tired of me? Or there might be a chance she might not drop me. I’ve been dropped before, and I don’t want to go through it again, but at the same time I don’t want to ghost her because I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt. I just really don’t know what to do, she basically told me “Hey I’m gonna ignore you for weeks and I may or may not stop giving a f**k about you and forget about your existence.” I’m also sad it seems she won’t keep her promises. We told each other we should interchange bracelets, I made her one but she made me nothing, I ask her to go out and she never wants to go, she told me she wanted to be friends when we are adults, yet she told me she eventually wants to get rid of all her friends. It’s a contradiction, she says she wants to try to be my friend but she eventually wants to get rid of everyone she knows. Do I keep talking to her like nothing happened? Do I ghost her? So I tell her I can’t deal with this straight up? I like to think I can deal with it, but I don’t feel like talking to her if I know she’ll just one day get tired of me and drop off the face of the earth.

[Oneirophobia]

Thank you for reaching out, friendships can be tough.
Its all honestly up to how you feel about the situation. If its already bothering you, what is in your best interest? There will always be other friendships, so is this one something you want to continue knowing this is how the other party feels?
If so, maybe tell them how you feel, if you do not think its a good idea to talk going forward while they is figure it out.
Its your life, your well being.
If it was me, I'd be kindly telling them that I would step away until they figure it out, if they do not want to talk to me I wouldn't continue to try and force the friendship, imo.

I hope this helps ,
-Christine.

[Rivière]

It sounds like your friend has a lot of issues of her own. If she's the sort of person that's dropping friends and making sweeping statements such as those that you've mentioned, where she claims she just forgets they ever existed, then you have to ask yourself, what attracts you to her and makes you feel like she's worth the energy?

You mentioned that you're brutally honest with all your friends, but here you haven't mentioned doing so with her. You've brought up all these very good questions, but if you want to be honest, these are the questions you need to be asking her, as well as telling her how she's made you feel.

Friendship is a two-way thing. If she reaches a point where she isn't interested in putting in energy after a while - for whatever reason - then you need to consider asking yourself why you should do the same.

[Mallika]

Hello there,

Thanks for reaching out!! I completely agree with what Christine and Sarah have already said here.

I've also been ghosted before after a 5 year friendship, so I know how tough it is. And I really appreciate your attitude of being honest with people, because at the end of the day, friendships are relationships that we invest so many emotions in.

As a third person reading all that you've written, I don't think this friend is worth keeping. Clearly, she doesn't seem to respect others for their time and efforts and just does what she wants, having little regard for the emotions of those she'll "use" as a friend. Like Sarah said, it appears she has issues of her own. If I can be honest with you, staying around with someone like this can become very toxic for your mental health. You don't deserve to be with someone who might just "dump" you and all that you've shared together according to her whim. It's better to have no friends at all than keep someone like this close by.

I suggest you tell her upfront that you are not comfortable with her attitude regarding your friendship and would much rather go your own way. Trust me when I say this - there are great people out there who want to keep you in their lives. These are people who value you, your time and friendship. That's what you deserve.

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions!!