Add on from previous thread about my friend

[bringmethehorizon♥]

Hi everyone

I made a thread earlier last month about my close friends he’s my old manager from a past job we are quite close.

He got offered a very high paying job and then Covid happened and he was redundant

He had hundreds of bills mouths to feed and was borderline about to go bankruptcy

I had 10 thousand pounds in my bank in spare cash I’m fortunate I earn high levels of income.

I lent it to him to sort himself out

I’m looking at his situation now and he’s got a job which pays not even half of what he was earning originally just to keep a roof on his head

I feel like I am never gonna get a return on my money and I could of invested it or something to help me for my future

Would love to hear thoughts

[Rivière]

I get that you feel like you probably wished you hadn't invested in your old manager like that. You feel like you're never going to see that money again, and at a time like this, you feel like it was a lot of money to give away.

In my personal opinion, generosity has a purpose. You gave to him at a time when he truly needed it and you didn't think twice. Maybe £10,000 isn't a lot to you or to a lot of other people, but it will have been to him. You helped him get himself back on his feet. Sure he might not have a good paying job anymore. Sure you may not receive a return on your generosity... but to give to somebody, in my opinion, should be without the desire to see a return on that which you gave.

Back in 2019 I was still in university and I'd decided I wanted to become a personal trainer. Being a PT is an investment with a long delayed return. It's a lifestyle job, and not a very high-paying one to begin with at that. I only had £1000 spare and it certainly didn't cover the cost of my PT course, my PT license, my first aid certificate, nor my PT insurance. Fortunately, like your old manager, I had a friend who was like you. He was kind enough to loan me money without a second thought because he could see I needed help.

I'm going to be very honest with you. I still haven't managed to return the £1.7k I loaned from him. I have a lot of bills to pay, transport to and from work to pay, and a family to take care of. He gave me that money knowing he may never see it again. So far, he hasn't.

Giving somebody a large some of money isn't something you expect a person to return to you so easily. When we're faced with a decision to support our family with the money we've been blessed to finally get, or to risk starvation, red letters from being unable to pay bills, or even worse, naturally we're going to choose our family first... no matter how much we've been invested in by a friend.

I'm 100% committed to giving my friend his money back and though he keeps reminding me I don't need to, it's a matter of principle. I won't ever forget his generosity. Just like your old manager won't forget yours.

It's ok to wish you hadn't given him all that money. And it's ok to wish you could get it back. Just remember why you gave him that money. Sure his job isn't as great, but you saved him and his family. Be patient with him. Knowing he has that high a fee to repay you, it's going to take an exceptionally long time, especially in a pandemic.

What you did was a selfless act.

As I said in that same thread, it is the absolute worst idea to give people money of any amount! $5, $20, $350, $10k; whatever it is, there's always going to be something weighing on the giver's shoulder... that need for a return on the loan or gift — which this was. How you are feeling right now, wondering if you'll ever get that $10K back, is exactly what I see in so many episode of those mid-afternoon courtroom drama shows.

Person A (plaintiff) suing person B for money they "loaned" them.

Person B (defendant) is saying that Person A gifted them the money when it was needed.

Person C — the Judge — is shaking her head because how many times does this need to happen?

It was a gift you gave your friend when he needed help. If you were expecting money back, then that becomes a loan; not a gift.

You are perfectly valid to how you're feeling, because I'd be feeling kind of foolish too! Maybe you weren't expecting him to pull in the amount of money that you paid him in such a short amount of time; and you're almost like... hey!

This is a good lesson learn... I'm sorry it had to be the hard way, but it is what it is.

Never give people money, either as a gift or a loan, because there's always some sense of confusion.

The only thing I would ever gift of monetary value would be a gift card to Starbucks or a restaurant — never more than $50.

[Everglow.]

I think how you're feeling is very valid and I can understand that in hindsight, you might not have loaned your friend the money or would have done so in a different way. I think both posts above sum up quite well the problems people may come into when laoning money to someone without knowledge of when or if that money can be paid back. Unfortunately, with your friends current earnings it sounds like repayment might be a struggle, so being upset and even regretting the loan is understandable. From my minimal legal experience (basically from watching judge Rinder on my days off work...) having something written up and agreed upon mutually by both lender and borrower is the best way to ensure money is repaid and not taken simply as a gift. I can understand it's frustrating for you though. Perhaps you could speak to your friend about this and see if there is a way you can both come to an agreement about repayments though. Communication with him is probably the best way to judge how likely it is that he will be able to pay you back.

I'm sorry this is something you're dealing with and I hope you find a way through this.