Triggering: 15 with divorced parents

I’m new to this forum so I hope I’m doing everything correctly. In short, my parents have joined physical and legal custody over me and my three younger sisters. My mom is Jewish and expects me to follow her values and beliefs, which I don’t. In my dad’s house I’m excepted. When my mom gets mad, she never abuses us, but her anger gives me panic attacks. One incident happened like this: she was holding tight on to my youngest sister to “make her calm down from her anxiety attack”. My sister was yelling “stop it” and “let me go”. This triggered me and I lost control. I ran to where they were and yelled at my mom, she first threatened to sell my rats if I didn’t leave, when I didn’t, she made a move towards me. I ran upstairs and had a full-blown panic attack: crying, screaming, shaking, and hitting my head against the wall. Eventually, everything settled down again. - I guess that wasn’t so short, but, in conclusion, how can I convince my mom to let me live with my dad? Do I have a valid reason to want to live with him?

[Kate*]

Hello there and welcome

Yes, you deserve to feel safe and comfortable in your home, and at 15, you're able to make the decision on where you want to live. If you aren't sure where to start, I'd suggest talking to your dad first. You can see if it's possible for you to move, start the process of figuring out how it would work and how they need to go about it, and having him talk to your mom, or talking to her together might help you feel safer incase she reacts badly or things escalate.

[Hiding in the Dark]

Thank you for your help. Yesterday, I talked to my school counselor who said she'll talk to my dad and see how she can help. I feel ashamed to be going behind my mothers back like this, I don't think she's a bad person, but I'm not happy in her home. I'll update when I get new information.

[Rivière]

Please don't feel ashamed. From what you've written, it sounds like you can't really discuss your situation with your mother anyway. Her behaviour is completely unacceptable and it's making you feel unwell. I also agree, it's definitely worth speaking to your dad and informing him of the situation, but maybe try and ensure he doesn't bring up what you confide in him with your mother as it could make things worse.