Asking for a punishment?

[MargaretM]

My mother has always threatened to spank me but never did anything. I’m about to go off to college and want to know if she’ll continue to discipline me even then. Should I ask her for a spanking?

[Everglow.]

Hey there.

First of all welcome to TeenHelp. I'm glad you've reached out to us and I hope you get the support and advice you're looking for!

I am glad that the threats to spank you have never been acted on, and I think quite often parents use empty threats to try and keep us on the straight and narrow. My parents definitely threatened punishments they would have never carried out to try and get me to think twice about behaviours they would prefer me not to have. Perhaps this is one of those situations. It's possible they'll continue to try and guide you to behave and act certain ways even when you're at college, because parents want what is best for you most often. But depending on your college arrangements, for example whether you're studying at home or on campus, she may have less ability to enforce punishments and threats. If you're not living with her, there is less she can do, but she may still try to guide you in the direction she thinks is best. If you're living at home though, it might be different. My mum always said to me "my house my rules"...I'm almost 26 and this is still the case!

I think it's a good idea to keep communication channels open between you both though. If her threats or punishments are upsetting you, try speaking to her so that you can find alternative ways to deal with possible problems. That way, it shows a level of maturity, but it allows you to acknowledge her thoughts and feelings on certain issues and accept responsibility if you need to.

I don't think it's necessarily something you should ask for, nor something she should necessarily be doing. Spanking isn't something I would necessarily encourage any parent to do to their children, but you're also 17, which means you're not far off of being an adult. Again, I would encourage you to communicate with her if this is something that is on your mind a lot or worrying you.

I hope this has helped. Feel free to let me know if you'd like to chat.

[Dawn.]

Hello there,

I'm also glad that these threats haven't been acted on either and I feel like a lot of parents often threatened their children to keep them in line. I agree with speaking to your Mum about how this makes you feel and compromise on keeping an open communication with each other.

Like the two members who posted before me, I am also glad that your mother never carried through with her threats to spank you. You're seventeen, nearly an adult, you're old enough to sit down with her and have a conversation about how this is making you feel.

It sounds like there may also be some underlying issues that aren't being addressed. Is this something you would feel comfortable speaking to your mother about? If you have a trusted adult at school, I suggest speaking to them too; but make it clear to them that there are no indication of abuse taking place.

I hope things work out for you, best of luck.

[MargaretM]

So I had a talk with my mother. She apologized for ever making me feel scared or unsafe by threatening to spank me. She never meant that in any way. We hugged it out. My mom also said that if I ever felt I needed it, I could come to her and talk about what’s going on or what’s troubling me. She also said that she’d spank me if I felt i needed it too, which was relieving.
And... she spanked me then and there to prove it