Triggering (Bullying): Our Narcissistic Mother: Parts One & Two

[DeletedAccount53]

Part One.


My (late) mother always got angry when something good happened to me because like a typical narcissist, she couldn’t understand that I could be good - but also that she could be good at the same time. Mother never saw that. All she saw was me having what she couldn't, and I loved my hoodies and fashionable trainers and the kind of tech that during her years was never attainable. This was exactly where jealousy started putting down deep roots. Roots of resentment, culminating in downright nastiness. Long before our birth mother collapsed and died from cardiac arrest, my twin Julie and I began learning how to handle her highly unpleasant manner.

Narcs think of life in terms of pie. If I took a big piece of pie, then it was less for her. Obviously, life is not like a pie because everyone has to live it, but try to tell that to a narc!

Narcs have always carried huge jealousy problems because of this line of thinking. Narcissism is a personality disorder. So to them, life is like a pie and no one should get any of the pie if they are hungry. If someone is awarded money, or gifts or love or happiness, this could very much set a narc off. Their way of thinking way, why were those good things wasted on anyone but them?

Narcs don't respect boundaries. The reason for this is because to respect the boundaries of others is to channel one’s shame, which the narcissist avoids like the plague. Mother saw me chewing my hoodie strings and inside she cringed. She got irate when catching me because in her mind, chewing strings was perceived as dirty, and the hoodie she paid dearly for cost money she barely was able to afford, she said while ignoring the fact she was a very wealthy woman. She lashed out at Sis and me because underneath she felt bad for herself.

Mother was also annoyed because she thought she raised us to her own high standards. In her mind we were beneath those standards expected of us.

Boundaries are really tough for a narcissist. If you tell them "Do not cross this line", I guarantee 30 minutes later they'll be a half a mile over the line.

What kind of boundaries are reasonable?

How about, (A: "Speak and treat me with fundamental respect" and/or B) "Do not yell at me or put me down."

Obviously the specific boundaries depended on how my mother was hurting me the most.

Most importantly, beyond coping, I had a life to live. I realised my mother's narcissist issues were not my fault. This is why our care and healing and ultimately self-care, should become the number one priority. A long term commitment to meditation and studying the effects of being raised by a narcissist got Sis and I on that path. After some searching around on You Tube, we found Lisa A. Romano to be highly recommendable on dealing with manipulators and narcissists.

Mother searched for information behind my back, without asking me. She was also very good at baiting. I expected her to make more or less obvious jabs at my weak spots, stabbing at my Achilles Heel. I learnt not to be surprised, and I did not react, lest I provoked her wrath. In order to learn how to do that, I went looking again and discovered Richard Grannon. He has considerable valuable material that's accessible for free - again, it's on You Tube. Just key in 'Richard Grannon Narcissism'.

If Mother didn’t agree with anything I said, she would most likely give me, or Julie, the silent treatment. And this could go for days. When she hid her feelings, or when I confronted her, she wouldn’t talk. Mother said I was dirty for chewing my hoodie strings and threaten to take things away from me. Worse, withhold love until I got to do what she demanded. I lived through a painful time, one in which I thought I could not survive. I hid things. Especially my well loved hoodie. I learnt to become artful such as hiding it inside the button-on lining of my overcoat. Mother never found the hoodie, during which she went ballistic, demanding where I hid it. I gave the silent treatment until her rage blew away. Most days it was cat and mouse. But I decided it would be me who became the cat. Because like Julie I was learning, teaching myself with the aid of YouTube how to deal with my narc of a mother.

In everyday life, narcissists hide how they act, what they think, and ultimately their own shame and incapability. When they want to do something that involves someone else, they don’t ask, they just go ahead and do whatever comes to their head, as if they are entitled to do so. It's a narcissist's trait, so common.

If I confronted Mother about her behaviour, of trying to undermine my personal life, she would place representatives such as grandparents or ancient aunts to speak to me, so I just listened and gave impression of agreeing. There was no way to resist, neither reason. My aunts and grandparents were all tarred by the same brush, I told Julie who I protected. Narcissists’ confidence lies in their belief that they can deceive others, such as my identical twin and I. Our mother thought she was clever getting family members to support her, because this was the way she thought was correct. Which was quite evil really, by deliberately causing emotional distress to the other, usually saying something personal about them to rub it in further.

This way, narcs "stun" the other person, so their victim doesn't ask questions about what the narcissists actually hide for the fear of recriminations, of being punished all over again and worse, narcs will use their allies, sympathetic family members to back them up. Thankfully though this may sound heartless, but Julie and I didn't feel bad when our aunts died. They were the blueprint of our narcissistic mother.

Another ploy of our narcissistic mother was her making the other person, or one of us talk about something, irrelevant of the subject. This way, being the narcissist, she didn't have to speak, so she could keep hiding her own acts. Moreover, this way, narcs can judge and keep distracting the other person from finding out about their methods.

Narcissists act like a secret agent. They act like a secret agent and always do things in the background so no one sees them, so they don't feel shame. They keep hiding anything they do wrong over their lifetime. Mostly, they hide how they act intentionally, using clever words or giving an excuse to leave home when my sister and I least expected.

Narcissists also have control issues, and treat everyone like objects. Their power to control stems from ill possessiveness, towards the things they own, such as the house, and everything inside it.
Controlling behaviour is rooted in the principle that people control whatever they can have power over. And when they can't control themselves in some way, exaggerate on controlling other things which they can have power over, such as material possessions. Mother acted exactly like that, to a T.

Imagine your mother saying in an accusative way, "You have far more than I had when I was a child. Child, note, not 'teenager'. Because by saying "child", she is deliberately relegating you to be no more reasonable than a child, not a young lady who is far more perceptive than her friends, but who is struggling so hard because she's mostly all on her own, and feels isolated and vulnerable: Are you, if you are reading this, a victim of a narcissistic parent?

Controlling parents overuse the concept of material possession in order to cover up for the fact that they can't otherwise communicate with people. They are extremely selfish, and can't recognize their children as individuals. They generally follow a rule like:

"This is my house and my things and I will do whatever I damned well want with them!"

Narc parents like our mother are passive-aggressive, lack empathy and can sometimes act psychopathic. The latter, 'psychopathic', often happens in the week's run-up to their period. Hence the horrible staring way our mother had when being confronted when Julie or I retorted, eg.

"That's not right. These clothes are my property which I love and take care of - you're not going to throw them away!"

Narcissistic parents don’t make any useful rules in the house that take children’s benefit into account. The rule is "Everything is allowed", which means everything aside of the things they, the mother or the father, doesn’t want. However, narcs don't announce what those things are until one does them. So, they will just wait for you to do something and, if they don’t like it, they swiftly return with a "NO!"

This way, narcissists feel they have power and reinforce their exaggerated idea that everything belongs to them, and always get in the position where they can "punish hard" since they can claim that somebody "did something wrong in their property", although they never stated the rules so like us, you would never be able to know. Some controlling parents even go as far as simply not discussing anything at all with you, as if you are just an object. This was how we were treated.

[DeletedAccount53]

Part Two.


Narc mums treat their children as enemies and strangers. They don't consider them part of their "family group". That is why Mother employed the silent treatment for so long, deliberately withholding love until Julie and I agreed to her terms. To resist her meant punishment, meted out with relish which was the trait of our sadistic mother. Who used a whip of which I will say no more.

In practice, our mother behaved as if we her daughters were like an enemy who had penetrated her camp. So, narcs ensure that the children have no power, no information, and are fully co-dependent on anything they do. It's a sad fact of life and many teenagers suffer, yet help is at hand if they only searched on the internet.

The reason for our mother's narcissistic behaviour was because she couldn't deal with her emotional problems which stemmed from her childhood. She felt shame towards us, tried to get rid the offending garment I enjoyed chewing, and Julie chewed her hoodie strings, too. That way, our mother took revenge to cover up her own private issues.

A narc's ultimate intention is to disturb others with their emotional problems. They try to protect against those who seem to display independent trust and love towards them. And so they can hide what they do in the background. To not be discovered having a narcissistic trait meant our mother could carry on undetected.

Narcs sound confident not because of what they say that moment, but because they are always hiding something. Any argument I had made Mother feel more confident, because being nasty she could distract me even more from what she was are hiding.

And Mother lied. She constantly pretended, by playing drama to its fullest, like something happened to her, or that she harboured a lot of worry. Anything she said was an excuse to hide something else.

Over time, Julie and I learnt to trust ourselves, our instincts, our emotions, and limit contact with our mother whenever possible, expect little to nothing from her so we could withdraw our reliance on her as often as often as we could. In order to do this successfully, we began learning how to recover.

It was no mean feat. Our mother's lack of empathy could not be understood because a normal mother would have a natural empathy towards her child, which was an essential area of development for the child which a narcissistic personality misses. Failing to demonstrate love, the mother creates an emptiness in her child. It was to Julie and mine's benefit that my sister and I could 'feed' off each other the love and understanding and empathy that twins possess.

Had it not been for Julie I would never have survived. And vice-versa. We grew close and as our mother demonstrated nothing but emotional manipulation with viciousness, so we became dependent on each other. We were always able to read each other's 'voice', but kept this ultra secret from our mother for fear of not knowing what that woman could have done to us. I was highly protective of Julie because our mother was acting the psycho, her heart devoid of feelings for us. Our mother was akin to a black hole, unable to give any care for our individual needs, sucking all our feelings into her void.

We were fourteen and it felt as if we were grieving, mourning for a loss that our mother neither cared a damn except for her selfish self. I am reminded of Jamie Anderson saying, "Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go."

I write with tears in my eyes, bringing Julie to sit beside me because she sensed my feelings. No words needing to be spoken, she picked up on me like iron filings attracted to a magnet. As I type, her hand rubs circles around my back. She knew I was writing this because writing is cathartic. Sitting with our grief, acknowledging it, and moving through its full spectrum of emotion was necessary for our healing, exchanging hugs, or a squeeze of the hand.

What we went through was profound trauma where we needed time to heal, emotionally and physically for the viciousness Mother did with her whip. Once we understood how Mother lived her narcissistic life, we began to understand its reality and with the help of books we read together, gradually we began taking down our blocks of denial piece by piece.

Generally speaking, narcissistic mothers are masters of manipulation using guilt trip. The only person you need to convince in order to heal and not be so ridden with guilt is yourself, pushing away and breaking down the mentality our narcissistic mother had trained us to only find fault with ourselves.

We drew pictures of ourselves, pictures in which we depicted comic book heroes. The stronger self-image we built up, the less the insults and put-downs our narcissistic mother affected us. If Julie and I were not be ridden by guilt, we had to really understand and get to the bottom of the truth through our eyes, not through the eyes of our mother who was so brutally emotionally abusive.

We had to train our minds to find who we were and in a positive way, so that when others doubted us, we didn’t doubt ourselves. This is really important for people with narcissistic parents. Having a strong core self-image and working on it on a daily basis helped us combat our inner feelings of guilt.

Another thing that helped us was learning how to manage a negative conversation. A narcissistic parent is always throwing jabs and darts at their child, especially when they least expected it. If we learnt how to manage negative conversations, then we could avoid getting into another drama battle.

There were some sentences that we used when our narcissistic mother began attacking our way of trying to take care of her, making us feel as if nothing we did was enough, or that we weren't good enough. When Mother ranted off, we replied something like:

"You’re entitled to have your own opinion, of course." - adding - "But it’s such a shame you view things so negatively, looks like you’re getting very angry again." - or - "If that’s the way you choose to view things, then you're entitled to have those views, Mother." - or say - "I’m sorry it’s so difficult for you to feel contentment. It must be such a terrible feeling."

Those statements are great when narcissists say something negative, because they deflect their own anger back onto them.

The reason Mother jabbed away at me or Julie was that when we felt negative, then we'd get an automatic negative emotional response back. That meant she was dipping into her 'tub' of narcissistic ammunition, but for why? Because she could see angst in our faces and read our tone.

The more we responded so angrily at her, then the higher Mother got, and by then she was well addicted to that high, her negativity built up into going ballistic, so the next day if Julie and I were careless, then our mother's anger would have got a lot worse. And we would physically suffer.

It was hell living with our narcissistic mother, but gradually, Julie and I began becoming able to detach ourselves from our mother's harsh judgemental attitudes because we actively worked by neutralizing her complaints and constant endless nagging.

Working on neutralizing the power our mother had on us was a daily task. Sometimes we'd fail, but other times we'd begun turning the tide on her narcissism.

One day when Julie and I went skiing, we dropped by at a ski lodge to take refreshments, when Julie gazed into the snowy distance and said, "You know, Wendi, but we should realize Mother may never change her narcissism. It will be present - " she gulped and turning slowly to look at me, opened her mouth to continue when tears coursed down her face.

"Our mother's just died. In the end we lost. We never won. Did we?"

At the same time Julie uttered those words I felt that same sudden helpless emptiness. Our mother, we somehow knew, had realised her end was near and dropped dead.

True to Julie's statement, our mother had indeed died. She and I had learnt a lot about our narcissistic mother, and in the battle of our dealing with her, wrote down our feelings, helping us, eventually, to put closure on her death.

[DeletedAccount53]

Here are four excellent You Tube videos by Richard Grannon. There are more, but these make for good knowledge.


Covert Narcissists SECRET CrazyMaking Communication Weapon They Use To ABUSE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6vlnfdo5jI


The 3 Things Narcissists FEAR The Most & DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3KwVgdwBeI


Is it Covert Narcissism? 7 Signs that let you know!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RbgM0YfeYA


Covert Narcissists Who Use CRAZYMAKING COMMUNICATION To ABUSE YOU (Narcissists Secret Weapon): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lI5bH68TeiQ


Richard Grannon has written three books (as far as we know)

[Mallika]

Hi Wendi,

Thank you so much for your heartfelt write-up. I'm sorry that I couldn't respond earlier; I wanted to get to responding when I got some time to read your post fully and give it its due attention.

There were many things you mentioned here. In relation to dealing with narcissistic people, words cannot describe how difficult it is. I'm fortunate my parents are not narcissists, but my paternal grandfather came close to your description of a narcissist. He died last year and in our culture we tend not to talk badly of the dead, but I will honestly that he was very difficult to reason with, manipulative and only thought of his feelings and opinions as valid. To that end, he made life difficult for everyone who lived with him, including his own wife, my dad and uncle, and subsequently my mom and aunt (his daughters-in-law) after they married his sons. I'm sorry to hear that you and Julie had to grow up under the influence of a narcissistic mother. All growing children need is love and care; it is very painful to read that you and Julie did not receive such from your mother.

But I think it is very admirable that both you sisters stuck through thick and thin and found a way to deal with her while she was alive. You must have been pretty young then, so it would have been pretty tough. Like you mentioned in the part about drawing the pictures of yourselves with Julie, the beauty of life is that, no matter how difficult life gets, as humans we have the ability to make the most of any situation and remind ourselves of our own worth time and again.

I'm happy to know that you are in a much better place now. Everything happens for a reason. Bad periods of time also happen for a reason, but nothing in this world is permanent. Your time growing up under your birth mother will stay with you throughout your life, but you have learned so much from this experience that you have the maturity to deal with what life throws at you. Not many young people can do that now. We only learn from experience after all. If you feel that you need any form of post-traumatic stress therapy, I hope you have access to that sort of service. Sometimes it helps having a professional help us sort through our feelings.

If you ever need to chat, feel free to PM me

[DeletedAccount53]

Originally Posted by Mallika

Hi Wendi,

Thank you so much for your heartfelt write-up. I'm sorry that I couldn't respond earlier; I wanted to get to responding when I got some time to read your post fully and give it its due attention.

There were many things you mentioned here. In relation to dealing with narcissistic people, words cannot describe how difficult it is. I'm fortunate my parents are not narcissists, but my paternal grandfather came close to your description of a narcissist. He died last year and in our culture we tend not to talk badly of the dead, but I will honestly that he was very difficult to reason with, manipulative and only thought of his feelings and opinions as valid. To that end, he made life difficult for everyone who lived with him, including his own wife, my dad and uncle, and subsequently my mom and aunt (his daughters-in-law) after they married his sons. I'm sorry to hear that you and Julie had to grow up under the influence of a narcissistic mother. All growing children need is love and care; it is very painful to read that you and Julie did not receive such from your mother.

But I think it is very admirable that both you sisters stuck through thick and thin and found a way to deal with her while she was alive. You must have been pretty young then, so it would have been pretty tough. Like you mentioned in the part about drawing the pictures of yourselves with Julie, the beauty of life is that, no matter how difficult life gets, as humans we have the ability to make the most of any situation and remind ourselves of our own worth time and again.

I'm happy to know that you are in a much better place now. Everything happens for a reason. Bad periods of time also happen for a reason, but nothing in this world is permanent. Your time growing up under your birth mother will stay with you throughout your life, but you have learned so much from this experience that you have the maturity to deal with what life throws at you. Not many young people can do that now. We only learn from experience after all. If you feel that you need any form of post-traumatic stress therapy, I hope you have access to that sort of service. Sometimes it helps having a professional help us sort through our feelings.

If you ever need to chat, feel free to PM me

I'm sorry I didn't see this until now.

Julie and I were recently given support by a counselor who our doctor knew, so we did get help for the trauma long past, but had given us bad nights. Though we bear scars from what our cruel birth mother caused, the scars don't define us. It has been difficult to swim, but full body costume hid what neither of us wished to be seen. But the help we received did help us come to terms that Anna, our birth mother was not right in her head, putting it mildly and she never got help for her rages.

Once coronavirus leaves and everyone is vaccinated, Julie and I plan visiting Geneva and Lucerne in Switzerland to find out how our younger siblings died. We are the only two sisters who survived, so our search of birth and death records may be traumatic.

There are so many uncomfortable, unanswerable questions surrounding our dead siblings. It was only recently that we discovered old journals belonging to our late mother which inside gave us reason to be very concerned. Neither of us wish to even think that our younger brothers and sister had been killed, or how they died. It is this big question that is left us.

Our late mother left us, in addition to this beautiful old villa, a large collection of what are unmistakably expensive pens and some automatic high end timepieces with their watch winders. We still don't know whether to keep them or sell them off. Except the pens are beautiful. Strange that it seems, but Julie and I have a fascination for pens. Isn't that strange that we should inherit a passion for collecting pens? It's a bit spooky, though as we are incapacitated with chest infections, once we are well again, we'll take a closer look at them.

I must go. Maman has just arrived! Praise be!

I will pm you soon I hope, Mallika. Thank you for what you wrote.

[Mallika]

Hi Wendi,

It's good that you sought some therapy and that you found some answers about your birth mother's condition. Though she might have had certain issues, it is still very sad that you and your sister had to undergo so much and that the scars will remain for a long time. But I think it's brilliant that you are so positive and strong about this! It's indeed very admirable after having suffered so much.

I'm pretty shocked to hear about your younger siblings - that must be so heartbreaking to learn about. It's almost like a quest now, to go to those places and uncover more stories. I hope that it will give you some answers to some deep and difficult questions, and hopefully some solace too. I wish you the very best with that <3

I think it's nice that you have a fascination for exquisite objects like those pens I think it will be a good idea to keep some perhaps, especially since they seem so valuable.

Take care and get well soon!!

[DeletedAccount53]

The scars remain, Mallika, but we're over the screams from the past, helped enormously not only from a good therapist, but also by sleeping under a weighted blanket. Even hand-woven woollen blankets are lovely to sleep under. Natural fibers, too. This is why we even love wearing linen. It's so cool in summer, yet warm in winter from its strong flax fibers. Night terrors that used to rule our night times have gone, and even young Tommy sleeps well with her beloved teddy bears. She's happy now, and it shows. How fortunate we are to have found our long-lost little sister!

This excerpt from my Thoughts From Afar, 'A perfect pen falls in love with a single hand. Its love is lifelong and loyal. In the hands of another the pen will dry up; it will scratch out words and turn everything into an unintelligible, distraught mess.' rang true again when I found an expensive pen of my late mother's in Tommy's wastepaper bin.

I'd tried to write with it myself and Julie also: a beautiful hand crafted Graf von Faber-Castelll rollerball in lovely darkened pernambuco wood, but its rollerball scratched across the page just like as Tommy had described. Like us, she hated it and instead chose one that we all love, a cheap €2.50 Schneider Slider Rave ballpoint that used Viscoglide ink, a silky ink that made one's pen literally glide across the page. Now that's a pen! But there are other pens in our late mother's collection we have yet to try.

Maybe I can find a refill using Viscoglide ink and fit it back into that pernambuco pen? I just hate beautifully made things going to waste, and we all love a good pen!

And a notebook, though not a Moleskine anymore because its pages are too thin these days and cause fountain ink to seep. Instead I have a Rhodia notebook using Clairefontaine 100gsm ivory brushed vellum. I paid a lot for it. It's well worth it, good vellum, and I go out of my way to find notebooks of great quality writing paper because high quality vellum is pure pleasure. That means buying one for Tommy, but also for Julie. Maman on the other hand, uses an old fashioned Filofax!

But each to their own.

After some gentle chatting we discovered Tommy never loved our mother, or father. Anna had said something that had angered Tommy and got her hand bitten. HEH - serves our mother bl$$dy well right for being such a nasty git. A narcissistic git, too. But how we love our Tommy. True to character, she lives up to her nickname with panache: 'Sparky'. Like sister - like sister. She's going to do well in life with an attitude like that. And I'll encourage it, damn what other people think. No wilting flower is our Tommy. She won't take rubbish from people. Best to start young. Because if you really want to illuminate this world, you've got to burn!

[Mallika]

Hi Wendi,

Firstly, I'm so happy that you and Julie have been reunited with Tommy! It must be such an endearing time for you now.

It's great that years of self-care have helped you overcome the nightmares of the past. Your optimism is so admirable.

I love that quote as much as I love a good pen! And wow, that pernambuco wood pen definitely sounds exquisite! And yes, maybe you can try switching their refills and see if they'd work! If not, I think you could just keep the pen as an antique and slowly build up a collection. Personally, I love antiques, particularly porcelain ones like teacups and saucers.

Oh, I absolutely adore notebooks too! I sometimes think there can never be enough! It's a pity I don't have time to journal much, but I use my notebooks in other ways whenever I can.

Tommy definitely seems to have an indomitable spirit, like you and Julie. I have no doubt as well that she will go very far, now that she has found your company! It is also amazing how quickly she warmed up to you all. Sometimes years of separation can make people, even blood relatives, difficult to open up. I'm sure she's looking forward to all the exciting stuff she'll do now that she's found her blood sisters

[DeletedAccount53]

Hey Maillika

Sadly that GvC pernambuco rollerball pen won't take the Schneider Slider 755 XB refill because the refill is just over a centimeter short. The pen's own refill by Faber-Castell is otherwise lovely and lasts a very long time, similar to the Caran d'Ache Goliath Ballpoint Pen Refill that is reputed to write for an estimated 8,000 kilometers!

Before leaving for our vacation at sea, I found another pen online more suitable for Tommy: MecArmy TPX8 in either brass or titanium, both CNC machined and it's more expensive version, an astounding bronzed titanium MecArmy TPX10 with a fidget spinner on its end. Though a lot cheaper than that pernambuco beauty, I'll have to save up for that one! And I have higher priorities before even considering it!

While we are away, our villa is being rewired. It hasn't been done for at least two decades. Maman got a projects manager and an assistant in to oversee the work and keep an eye on potential theft.

I love porcelain, too. Just need to study more, but added to what I'm already busy with, that will be a lot of books. One area of antique porcelain that I do love is Italian Majolica which you'll likely see a lot of in Etsy, but beware of fakes. If you ever buy any antique porcelain, get professional advice because even fakes are very hard to spot unless to a practiced eye.

I'm being called so sadly have to go.

Take care, Mallika!

[Mallika]

Hi Wendi,

Ah, it's a pity that the refill wouldn't fit!! Nonetheless, it's very nice to have such a charming pen in your possession. It's to know that your home is being refurbished - I love the idea of sprucing things up.

The titanium pen with the fidget spinner sounds very unique indeed! But I can imagine that it must be pretty expensive

I've never heard about that Italian kind of porcelain, but it sounds fabulous! Yes, learning to spot antiques is an art in itself I believe

Take care!

[DeletedAccount53]

Originally Posted by Mallika

Hi Wendi,

Ah, it's a pity that the refill wouldn't fit!! Nonetheless, it's very nice to have such a charming pen in your possession. It's to know that your home is being refurbished - I love the idea of sprucing things up.

The titanium pen with the fidget spinner sounds very unique indeed! But I can imagine that it must be pretty expensive

I've never heard about that Italian kind of porcelain, but it sounds fabulous! Yes, learning to spot antiques is an art in itself I believe

Take care!

Sorry I haven't answered until now, but I've been enjoying a bottle or three, family together and a lot of books. I've been offline for most of the time. Having the choice not to switch on devices has been tremendously empowering.

My interest in antiques was initially ignited by the books that are available in the library or second-hand shops which are quite the rarity these days, but also a valuable source of learning antiques and collectables is watching You Tube videos. Another exciting part is being present at an auction, but skilled bidders have to factor in the auctioneer's commission and items successfully bid, subject to VAT. To bid above a certain amount will affect their profit margin, so they have to be careful.

Fidget spinners are fun, but their whirring noise can be a huge irritation. Like some jerk clicking their pen to deliberately annoy, though said jerks don't make a habit of that if they are in close proximity of a thick ear or a split lip.

I can't bring myself to use my late mother's GvC pernambuco pen. It seems to repel me, also Julie and Tommy. Though that bronzed titanium pen I previously mentioned, the one with the fidget spinner costs a prohibitive £122.95 It's the MecArmy TPX10 which is a bolt-action type. MecArmy make lesser expensive pens, these being TPX8 in either brass or a slightly more expensive titanium, both being CNC machined.

There are elegant pens such as Caran D'Ache, Mont Blanc and GvC's 'Pen Of The Year' range, Montegrappa, S.T.Dupont, Yard-O-Led's astonishingly beautiful silver pens or Visconti, the latter few out of reach of most people's pockets.

Then there are 'tactical' pens, ones with glass breakers at one end, or are wrought from flamed titanium and contain a cord cutter beneath their clip, maybe an LED light or hidden blade. Interesting, but I believe there may also is a pen forum. But for those who just want a plain writing implement, a bog standard Bic is all that's needed.

[Mallika]

Very interesting to read about the pens! It appears you know a lot about them! I have heard of pens with blades, but pens with glass cutters are news to me! Wow!

I actually haven't used a fidget spinner haha - I think I'm too old for them! But since you've described them to be really loud and irritating, I think it's best to leave them to kids

[DeletedAccount53]

Originally Posted by Mallika

Very interesting to read about the pens! It appears you know a lot about them! I have heard of pens with blades, but pens with glass cutters are news to me! Wow!

I actually haven't used a fidget spinner haha - I think I'm too old for them! But since you've described them to be really loud and irritating, I think it's best to leave them to kids

Actually I have a fidget spinner, bought last evening at an outdoor shop in town. We assumed all the shops in the capital would be shut because of covid, but the shop owner beckoned us in as we'd been wearing masks and invited us to browse. He and his wife even gave us glasses of mint tea! But we are on the continent where offering customers tea and making them comfortable is good selling strategy.

As soon as a darkened titanium MecArmy bolt action pen was shown me in its box I had to buy it. The first thing I did was flip its spinner on the top - silent, but showing little flashes of colour from the Trigalight inserts the pen had been fitted with. As the spinner continued, no sound to annoy, no whirring could be heard. Being a pen collector and seeing a bargain as these pens cost mega prices back home, I bought it. And one for Tommy, a sweet little platinum pocket pen + several refills she's thrilled with.

The pens our late mother owned, I don't like because of their association with a cruel woman who did unspeakable things to Julie and I. Even Tommy doesn't like them, understandably unforgiving for being "got rid of" by our mother. We'll give the pens away, the ones our mother owned. I don't want them in the house. Don't want to be near them because of the unwelcome memories.

But I'll admit to having a pen fetish. Some people are nuts for collecting stamps, coins, allsorts. For me it's pens and anything in black leather. Badass leather jeans. Wow! Not everyone's taste, but then I'm not everyone. Julie's into jeans and nice comfy clothes so she's been doing well shopping and resting throughout our time in the capital.

We left the shop having spent a lot, but it was closing down because of covid decimating stores, and ruining small businesses. We returned to the yacht, Julie having found a delicious strung joint of pork loin! Hence my name, Pork Chops!

We climbed onboard to be met by one of maman's sisters who was leaving. Hmm, thought she and her sister had already gone, but no. She told us our maman left us a "wardrobe of clothes which will fit". After she left, we went and looked. Found skinny, boyfriend, ripped jeans in lovely denim. To our surprise, most fitted. Even Tommy wooed a leather jacket. Go SK8er Girl! But maman? She went and left a scrawled note "Please help yourself to any clothes left. I've too many anyway. Go enjoy - L" And TWO pairs of Dolce & Gabana, Alaïa Editions leather 'Agneau' biker jacket, countless pairs of Prada and Levis! The biker's jackets alone were what maman modelled and kept, as happens. But when Julie found out their cost - OMG! The jackets cost thousands. Anyway, we are grateful for them, say the least.

So that was our day. And the pork joint was cooked to perfection.

It's been a strange vacation. Ups and downs, angst, anger at maman's endless smoking, upsetting Julie. And then we get left enough clothes that would be seen on a fashionista's runway. But the weather has been good apart from some violent thunderstorms. All I want is for a quiet peaceful time away, and enjoying pens, good company, a super crew and captain and having our little sister brighten up even the cloudiest of days.

[DeletedAccount53]

Thank you, everyone, for your support and help in my topic. I'm very appreciative.


I think the time is right now to close my topic, if that is okay?