Friends

[~Madam~]

So recently I have been struggling a lot mentally with this whole pandemic. I am having a hard time with the transition to online school. In fact, I am failing Chemistry, which has made my mental health completely deteriorate. My friends have a hard time listening to me, and at this point, I feel like I have driven every friend I had away. I have a close friend who shares the same diagnosis as me (Borderline Personality Disorder.) And I haven't heard from them in weeks, and today after having a complete mental breakdown for hours, my other friend told me that they need a break from me. I feel like I am too much for people. How do I make friends in the middle of a pandemic? How am I supposed to feel connected when the whole world is disconnected? I just want someone to talk to so I feel less alone.

[Mallika]

Hi Ellie,

Thank you so much for reaching out. This is no doubt a very difficult time especially since, like you said, the entire world is getting increasingly disconnected.

Our mental health is super important and I completely understand how overwhelming it is not to be able to share our deepest internal turmoils with anyone. If your friends are not willing to listen to you, it is best you avoid them, because they are not going to be patient with you. I'm sorry to know that even your close friend who has the same diagnosis as you is unable to be there for you. Let's think of it this way - sometimes it's not always about you, but rather, people have things going on in their own lives that don't allow them to always be there for others. It could be that they're also having a hard time coping with the sudden changes due to the pandemic and prefer to keep a distance from everybody else. Don't blame yourself wholly.

At such a vulnerable time like this, it is exceedingly important that you are in touch with someone reliable and who might be able to help you. If not friends, is there a family member you might be able to speak to regarding how you've been feeling? If not your parents, perhaps an older sibling, or an aunt/uncle, or cousin? While we might not be able to personally meet with those who don't live with us, I'm sure having a good phone call with a trustworthy family member will give you an outlet. If speaking with family is not an option, you can always turn to your school. Nowadays, schools and colleges all over the world are ramping up their mental health supports to aid the psychological toll the pandemic is taking on all of us. If you have a teacher whom you know quite well, you can email them or get in touch with them. Every school should have a guidance counsellor; you could reach out to them - their job is to help people cope with difficult day-to-day situations that disrupt mental equilibrium. Tell them how you're feeling and ask them if they would be able to provide you with some emotional guidance and support. There is great value in asking for help; there are people out there who will listen to you and guide you. I don't even know you, yet I'm trying to provide you with some advice to the best of my ability. So, adults who know you from school will definitely proactively care about you if you reach out to them, and make sure that you are feeling better with time.

I understand that online school is tough. I'm a college student myself and it has been no piece of cake trying to get accustomed to online lectures and even online lab sessions (eeks! ). It must be the same for you. Perhaps you could email your Chemistry teacher and tell them what you're going through? They might be willing to have a Zoom call or something outside of school hours to make sure that you're able to understand the topics properly. You might want to check out Khan Academy: https://www.khanacademy.org - they have amazing online tutorials for practically every field out there. I know for a fact that they have great content for Chemistry, having myself used their resources back when I was in school taking Chemistry as a subject. In fact, if you need some guidance with Chemistry, you can PM me and I'll try my best to help. Though I'm not a chemistry major, I have studied it for nearly 8 years and have taken university-level courses in the subject so I can definitely assist you with that to some degree.

Finally, please remember that this is no doubt a difficult storm, but all storms pass at the end of the day. There are many ways we can seek to find the silver lining in our lives, so if there is something specific that motivates you, you can try to incorporate that into your daily routine just to make things more vibrant. It could be something as simple as setting aside half an hour to play with your pet.

You're doing the right thing by reaching out to us, you can always PM me if you'd like to chat about anything at all or if you need to let out some steam. Last but not the least, don't forget that you can reach out to some reliable adults in your life, either from family or school, and there definitely will be someone who can help you.

Take care