My mom thinks I don’t care about her

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]I’m about to write something very long, sorry about that. I just need to pour it out somewhere, even if it’s to a stranger.
So, a few months ago, I found out that my mom has a bad disease in her uterus, and i was devastated. Currently, she’s been going to a lot of appointments and it’s getting worse. She is getting a surgery for it next week. Because of this, my aunt offered for me to live with her family for two to three months. When my mom first heard this, she said no, and her reason was that she didn’t think it was necessary. I am almost 13, and an only child, so I agreed with her at first. I didn’t think a lot about it. But, I was asked again, and I said no, but after that, I began to actually consider it. That same afternoon, I got a call from my cousin, who is my aunt’s daughter. We began to list out the pros and cons of me staying and going over. Also, my aunt’s family lives across the country. I was think constantly whether I should go or stay. I knew I couldn’t just leave my mom, but it would be a lot of work for my dad to take care of me, my mom, and my dog. But because school is online, it would be easier, and something like this might never happen again. Don’t get me wrong, I really care about my parents, I just think it would be an interesting experience for me to go. I also don’t think that I am mentally prepared for my moms surgery. It just popped out of nowhere and I think it would be a lot for me to go through. Also, I would have to take on a lot more responsibility too. My brain knew that I should stay, but somehow, my heart was just saying that I should go, with no particular reason. A few days passed, and my parents asked me if I decided yet. I was pretty sure that I wanted to go by then. My parents were both strongly on the stay side the whole time since the beginning. So tonight, we sat down to talk, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say that I wanted to go. So like 10 minutes passed and I said that I think I wanted to go. Then immediately, my mom started to shout at me and say that I never actually loved her and that I don’t care about her. Then my dad said that he wouldn’t let me leave no matter what, even though at first we all decided together that i could choose. After a few minutes of my parents both shouting at me saying they didn’t care about me, my mom said that if I can leave but if I did she wouldn’t let me come back. I was shocked. I didn’t know if she said that out of anger or or if she actually meant it. She continued to say things like, “if you leave, don’t call me your mom anymore, your aunt will be your new mom”, “plan on living at your aunt’s house forever”, “do I mean nothing to you”, “I failed at raising you” and “you are a disappointment”. I didn’t know what to do or say at that point, I was just frozen in place. I found myself and then went up to my room and cried. Now I don’t know if I sounded like I don’t care about my parents, or if they overreacted, or if I was just completely wrong in the whole thing. I’m just looking for advice here, and please be honest. Again, sorry for making you read something so long. Also, can you express your opinion on whether I should go or stay? Thanks![/size]

[Alisa Weaver]

I think your parents are just worried about your mom's illness. Perhaps everything is very serious there, you still do not perceive strongly the seriousness of your mother's disease. If you don’t want to leave and your parents don’t want to let you go, stay at home and help them.

[Allyson Wood]

We never know the love of a parent until we become parents ourselves.

[Sportegan]

Darling, I understand you, you are worried about mom, and mom thinks you don't give a damn about her. In fact, it seems to me that mom is now very hard, so she told you all those words that offended you. Your mom needs your support now more than ever. you don't have to leave, but if you stay, prepare to be support for your mom and support for your family. Be strong, I wish you success.

[Celyn]

Hey there,

Sorry to hear about your mom's illness and the fallout as a result of deciding you want to stay with your aunt.

I do wonder why your aunt wanted you to stay with her? It sounds like it was originally decided that you wouldn't but despite that she continued to ask and your cousin also asked you. It feels like there may have been some pressure to change your mind?

You are young and it can't be easy for you to have to come to terms with your mom's illness and surgery. It's understandable that you would be tempted to take up your aunts offer to stay with her. It must've been really difficult for you to have made up your mind, only for you to be told harshly that you won't be going. More so with your mom accusing you of never loving her and telling you that you are a disappointment. Under normal circumstances, your mom would be in the wrong saying these things to you. But it sounds like your mom's illness is serious and maybe she let her emotions get the better of her.

I don't think you don't care or if you were wrong. It sounds like it was a tough situation for you all and emotions were running high. Have things calmed down a bit now? It might be worth thinking about why you wanted to stay with your aunt. It sounds like part of it may have been that you don't feel prepared for your mom's surgery or that you'd have to take on more responsibility. If this is the case, maybe you can talk to your parents and get them to explain the surgery and your responsibilities a bit better so that you feel a bit better prepared? If your aunt thought that maybe you staying with her would take the pressure off your parents, you might also want to talk to them about that as well. If you feel that talking about this is difficult, you can always write a letter instead.

No-one here can really say whether you should stay or go. That's up to you and your parents.

Hope this helps a bit