I Don't want to friends with her anymore

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]Just some background knowledge, I am a freshman in college and I convinced my friend to come to college with an old friend of mine. Most of my friends have come from meeting threw her or something we do together. In general I have always felt like the odd one out in every group in terms of: not participating in drugs, boundaries and keeping private life private. Things have picked up for me in almost all the right ways, I have a nice and stable boyfriend, my grades are good, I am at peak mental health, I am physically thriving, and I landed an amazing job. the only missing link seems to be friends. However I feel like the root to learning how to make the right friends starts with her. When I am around her I am usually upset like a sort of gloom over my head, she is not a negative person but usually I will try to communicate facts with her from what day the tests close to simple wisdom of life and I am often shot down only to be proven right later on. She often talks about drugs and is in denial that she is (mentally) addicted but the subject is brought up whenever I am around her. And I feel like we have no sound boundaries as well in terms of private life and physical space- for example recently she has asked personal questions about my relationship and banged on my door at 1 am without a text or call before hand.



I would like to cut away from these people but I've known her for so long and from past experience I know that talking about it will just cause conflict since she is hot headed and lacks trying to see the other side. which I feel I am a fault to as well since I always tried to see her side or give her the benefit of the doubt but I understand now that it only allows her to crush more boundaries. I'm not to sure how to go about things but I am slowly distancing myself. And I don't want to leave her stranded or be alone myself but I want friends who I don't feel bad around either.[/size]

[Moxie.]

From what you've written here, it sounds like you are starting to outgrow this particular friend. That may sound mean, but it's a completely natural part of life. As we grow up, our lives start to take different paths. It seems like you have a lot of good things going for you right now and are focused on moving your life in a positive direction. Sometimes, certain people just stop fitting into our lives as we make those choices.

If you don't think talking to her will have any positive outcomes, the best approach is the one you're already taking: slowly distancing yourself from this person. Friends grow apart and it's okay to let that happen naturally without having a conversation about it, especially if you're not particularly interested in repairing the relationship.

You mentioned that you're worried about being alone yourself. Perhaps you could find something to get involved in that will allow you to make new friends. You could see if your college or community have any clubs or organizations that interest you that you could join. You could also try talking to people in your classes and starting out by forming study groups with them to gauge if they are people you could potentially want to be friends with. If you're hesitant to approach people, you could also try using an app, such as Bumble BFF, to meet people in your area who share similar interests and are also looking for friends. I've used that one myself and met some pretty great people through it.

No matter what, remember that you deserve healthy friendships that build you up, rather than bringing you down. It's okay to step away from the people you currently hang out with in order to find that.