Stressed Out

[PoeticJessie]

I'm not sure if this is in the right spot or not, so please move it if not.

So, as a bit of backstory, I'm twenty years old, I have a 3.5-month-old son, and we currently live with my mother. However, I'm currently the only one working. I work two jobs to make ends meet, and the only way my mother contributes is by watching my son two days a week, by her own choice. She doesn't clean other than just washing a few dishes, mainly baby bottles, and in the last three years, she's only cooked one time.

I feel like I'm the only adult in this house. The only way I can get her to contribute to the house at all is by nagging her until we get into an argument. She's always in a crappy mood lately, and she'll snap off at me over just about anything, usually when I ask to do something. She's always coming up with excuses as to why she hasn't done anything, so after working two jobs, I come home to cook, clean, and take care of my son. On my days off, I STILL cook, clean, and take care of my son, and I work seven nights a week with my night job, so I'm always exhausted. On the days where she does not babysit for me, all she does is lay around and watch TV.

I'm so frustrated at this point. I'm worn out from doing everything by myself all the time. I just need some help, and I'm not sure how to go about getting her to help me without it starting a fight. l

[RORO]

First off, I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I suppose the two jobs you work doesn't make enough for you to get an apartment for you and your baby? Is there assistance you can look into for Day Care that will help with costs for that? What about other State type of assistance that might get you on your way to moving out from your mothers place? It just is not good for you to be in that stressful environment after working two jobs and then having to take care of the house when you get home. I understand you have to take care of your child because that is your responsibility, but having to do all those other things in the home is not fully your responsibility.

[PoeticJessie]

I'm on Medicaid and WIC, but I can't move out because my name is on the lease here, so I guess technically she lives with me. I'm not sure how the technicalities work since we're both on the lease. The utilities are in my name.

We lived in an apartment before this and it was awful. More expensive and the landlady was honestly not very nice. Neighbors were terrible. Smoked pot constantly and had very loud sex most nights.

My stepmom also watches my son, so daycare isn't an issue.

It's the lack of help keeping up this house that is the problem. I can't move out until the lease is up, and I do have a plan for then, but until then I'm stuck where I'm at.

[RORO]

This is very hard because on one hand you know she has to step it up and help with the house cleaning and cooking and on the other hand you don't want any other stress with a big fight. Both you and your baby don't need that crap. If you ever need to vent feel free to message me. I may not have a baby or anything like that, but I can listen.

[Celyn]

Sorry to hear about the situation with your mother. I can't imagine how stressful and frustrating it must be to work, look after your son, and do all the cooking and cleaning while your mother volunteers to babysit and nothing more. That's not fair on you at all.

Do you know if your mother has any mental health problems? Sometimes if someone is depressed, they may struggle with things. If it's likely that your mother has mental health issues, then it would be best for her to seek treatment.

It sounds like you need to have a good talk with your mother. If it's really difficult to get your mother to do things without it turning into an argument, you may want to try to compromise. For example, ask her if she can cook on certain nights, or give her a choice of cooking or cleaning. If she doesn't, then you may want to consider cooking for yourself and your son, and leaving your mother to cook for herself. Let her know that you feel stressed with work and would appreciate her to help out more. Be specific in what you want help with and let her know that you are willing to compromise. But if she doesn't cooperate then you might want to let her know that you're not willing to take on extra work for her, when at the very least she can do things for herself.

[PoeticJessie]

She does have bipolar disorder, but she treats her therapy sessions like a joke and has decided she no longer needs her antidepressants. She was doing fine before she convinced her psychiatrist to wean her off of the antidepressant and start weaning her off of her mood stabilizer. I'm not sure how she's got the psychiatrist thinking she doesn't need them, but she's not functional anymore. She's got no interest in helping herself. I have bipolar, too, but I actually make an effort to see a therapist and work through my issues. She jokes about getting her therapist to go off on tangents so she doesn't have to actually talk about anything.

I've tried to talk to her. I've tried to make compromises. She just doesn't want any part of it. She just sits on her sofa and watches TV all day. She uses my son as an excuse to ONLY consider overnight jobs when she knows I can arrange childcare with other family members.

She'll take any chance she gets to badmouth my dad and his wife, who've gone above and beyond to help me lately. It's never enough. I understand there are hard feelings, but instead of badmouthing, how about just not bringing him up. She does like to know where I go when I go places, which I understand, but don't use it as an excuse to badmouth. My stepmother has never once said anything bad about my mother to or in front of me, and she's the one that got cheated on...

Until they do figure out that her medicine is all effed up, nothing will change. But if she gets her bipolar meds right again, she'll be an amazing mother and roommate again. I agree that they needed to CHANGE her antidepressant, but not cut out antidepressants altogether. I tried to talk to her about it, but she's not ready to see that. She thinks she's fine and acting normal when she's either not functional or incredibly lazy and grumpy. She won't talk to her psychiatrist about fixing her meds until she hits a rock bottom, and that terrifies me. The last time she hit rock bottom was twelve years ago, and she damn near killed herself that time.

[RORO]

Don't know if this is an option for you to step in and contact your moms psychiatrist and tell them how you are seeing her spiral out of control not being on the medications. Don't really know if this is allowed or not, but it might be an option. It really sounds like your mom needs the medication.

[PoeticJessie]

It isn't allowed. Doctor/Patient Confidentiality prevents them from being able to discuss her care at all with me. I wouldn't even be able to talk with her psychiatrist without her permission, and she doesn't think anything is amiss with the medications she's on now.

[RORO]

Originally Posted by PoeticJessie

It isn't allowed. Doctor/Patient Confidentiality prevents them from being able to discuss her care at all with me. I wouldn't even be able to talk with her psychiatrist without her permission, and she doesn't think anything is amiss with the medications she's on now.

That is awful although I do understand the patient/doctor confidentiality thing. You baby doesn't need to be in that environment at all and either do you. I wish you the best until you can get out of there and on your own.

[Celyn]

Oh that sounds really complicated. Do you know if there's any adult social care services that you could contact? The situation sounds stressful for you all, and worse, if you are concerned that your mother is going to hit rock bottom again without the right medication. Doesn't help that she isn't being cooperative with therapy either.

[PoeticJessie]

I don't think there are any options until she is nearing her rock bottom. If she were to be suicidal or otherwise a danger to herself, I could have her committed, but that is the only thing I know of.

Honestly, I think that the only thing I can do right now is just to wait it out.

[Celyn]

It does seem like you may have to wait it out until you can move.

I do hope that you have people in your life that you can get support from. Even if it's just someone that will listen when you want to vent about your mom. Might help you to cope while you wait it out.

[PoeticJessie]

I do have my dad's family and my partner. It just gets frustrating at times.

[mvik57]

that's strange...

[mvik57]

try to keep calm

[Sophie77]

You must understand that you can’t change the behavior of this person. Any scandals will only make it worse. I see no other way out how to wait for the completion of the lease term and move. Take care of your nerves.

[LOptyre]

So from my point of view what you can do is to stop doing what you do about the house and show her what will happen if nobodu cares about it

[lokki]

I am so sorry to hear that. I think cleaning is boring and I need to do cleaning. I just don't know what to do. I don't like doing cleaning by myself. I am so lazy.

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]Ohh, friend. It is sad to hear that you clean everything by yourself and you don't get help from your mother. As for me, I have moved from parents to my new apartment and I needed to clean my apartment by myself, but I decided to buy an electric power washer and here I found a big list of electric power washers in the review. Now I don't clean anything by myself.[/size]