Parents are on to me about everything...don't want to fail but i do.

[SpaceWolf05]

Hi. I'm a 14 year old freshman and need some help. All through my life, my parents wanted me to succeed. That means in life, grades, and school/social life. I mean right now i've gotten all A's and a B+ in math and i have a social life.....but i guess it's just not goo enough for my parents. I know that they've gone though a lot too. From completely failing Spanish and other grades AND going to both a junior College/small not so great 4 year college, i can expect them to have some expectations for me and my little sister. But what they think is ok...isn't to me. They insist and keep saying over and over that I AM GOING TO A 4 YEAR COLLEGE. no choice!! I would like to go to one....i'm just stressed because of them! Of course they say that 'Im lazy' or 'I cant do anything' or that doing ART IS NOT AS IMPORTANT AS DOING HOMEWORK!!! UHHH! i'm just so upset and filled with ALL these emotions! I'm actually considering going into an art major because I LOVE IT!! like all my life i'v been drawing. (I even call myself a ninja doodler in class) But like always....their idea of telling me what to do is to yell at me. I've probably been yelled at more then 3 times a DAY! i never see a day where they're not 'stressed because of ME!' Like why!? why am i the one who is to blame and who is the B of the family. Im NOT! Just because im a normal (not really) teenager doesn't make me bad or something! Just last Friday when i found out that i F the last test of Biology i freaking had a PANICK ATTACK IN MATH CLASS!! (math was next period) Not just because of what i got...but what my parents were going to say! I was so anxious and stressed that they were going to be so mad and freaking flip off the roof! I did text my mom and told her....she was ok with me going to retake it....just not how i so called acted. OK! SORRY FOR BEING UPSET BECAUSE OF YOUR BEHAVIOR TOWARDS ME!!!.....UHHHH!!! i think i've cried more times this year than any other kid in the whole world!! .......I-i really would like to go to college.....i just wish i had it easy and that my parents would freaking understand and not think i'm blaming them....i know they love me lots....but...i feel like they almost hate me at times....like they don't think twice about my feelings or the outcome of their outburst....I so anxious and stressed and scared and also just disappointed with my life my parents and how nothing is good with me, them and my REAL reputation, my happiness and my dreams. I love art....i love my family....i just hate how i'm treated and how im expected to be like....better than anyone else in the family....nothing too artsy or stupid or not money making.....i-i just wish i was normal and that they actually act like they believe in my dreams and my feelings/thoughts.


Please help. But don't think they are mean parents there really nice....they just think im not capable of stuff and that i think im too important for anyone else or that im....just....blaming everyone else.....PS Just so you know...I was born with Tourett's Syndrome and i've always had a hard life......maybe im just the bad guy idk

[Celyn]

Hey there (welcome to TeenHelp! Love your username by the way!)

I don't think your parents are mean. They do care about you and want you to succeed, perhaps even better than themselves. Like you said, I think that they may not realise how their attitude towards you is affecting you.

I think you are doing really well with your grades- A's and B's are fantastic! It's also good that you are able to balance school and a social life too.

You are a little while off from college yet, but it's good that you would like to go. I understand that your parents may be creating extra pressure for you and it doesn't help if they call you lazy. Perhaps you can let them know that you work hard and would prefer them to encourage you rather than say you are lazy?

It can be easy to get distracted and start doodling on your homework, but art is good and can even be helpful when you want to express your emotions. I'm sorry your parents don't see it like that (mine didn't either)...perhaps they don't view art as important as a subject like maths or science? Either way, that's their opinion and if you want to study art at college some day, you should aim for that!

I'm sorry that you were panicking over the biology test. It feels awful doesn't it, not just getting the grade back, but realising that you have to tell your parents and knowing they might not take it so well. If it ever happens again, try to calm down by doing deep breathing and reminding yourself that you need to concentrate on your next class, and will worry about how to break the news later. It's good that your mom was okay with re-sitting. I think that's another important thing to remember; grades aren't everything and if you do fail, you can always have the chance of re-sitting. Perhaps you can talk to your mom and let her know that you were worried about how she would react when she found out about your biology test? Let her know that you already felt bad when you got the grade back, and were worried about feeling worse when you had to tell her your grade.

Your parents may want what they think is best for you, but ultimately it's your life. If you want to go to college to study art, they can't stop you. Your happiness matters more than your reputation in the family. If your family won't support you and your dreams, are there other people who will e.g. other relatives or friends?

It must be difficult at times with Tourett's Syndrome and I understand that can affect your life. But you aren't a bad person at all, and I'm sure that with a bit of work and support, you'll make your dreams a reality

[Thinking]

Hello! I want to commend you for reaching help. It can be very hard to reach out for help sometimes!

>> I mean right now i've gotten all A's and a B+ in math and i have a social life.....

- First of all, this is simply amazing. I cannot stress that to do well in both academically and socially is so difficult. But you did it, and it is so amazing. I want you to know that you have did a very great job here, no one including yourself should think otherwise. Keep it up! You have very loving parents who hope the best out of you. They might be strict and while they show to you as if they are not satisfied, I believe in their hearts they are proud of you. Some parents are just not good in expressing love to the child, but certainly hoping for high expectations from the child is a good way! Remember, they are just trying to make you better in your life.

>> Of course they say that 'Im lazy' or 'I cant do anything' or that doing ART IS NOT AS IMPORTANT AS DOING HOMEWORK!!!

- I will put myself in your shoes for this matter. Anyone who told me math is not important than other things will definitely piss me off like crazy. I am sure you felt the same. I cannot understand why art is interesting to me, but I am sure its your passion for life. From what I read about drawing I can tell you must have love art very much. For this reason I hope you don't give up. I completely understand how difficult it is when other people are discouraging you from doing things you are passionate on. But I know you can always keep going. For example, even a simple half an hour per day to draw a picture can definitely improve yourself a lot as an artist. There is always time you can squeeze in a bit, make use of them for your passions! No one should stop you from your dreams.

You are not lazy even a bit. What kind of lazy people would even care about their grades and feel bad about it? The fact that you are concerned about your studies means that you are actually a responsible student, and this is something to be praised. However, I do hope that you don't overstress yourself. Sometimes when you take a rest from studies other people will think you are lazy and unproductive. Dont let them interfere your thoughts. The truth is you had been studied really hard, and thus deserve a short break from it. Know that a short rest is the key to longer and effective study later!

Its far from true that you can't do anything. A famous quote: If you judge a fish by its ability to run, it will forever think its stupid. I want you to know, that others may discourage you from what you love, and think that you will never be sucessful to their expectations. But they are wrong. They forgot that you, are different from them, and only you yourself know what you can do in future. You are the fish and your talent is to swim. No one should force you to run and makes you think you are stupid. They should realize this. You should also realize this too! You are so much more worthy than you think, and everyone around you should encaourage you to go for your dreams. I do. Even if I don't never understand art, if YOU love it, then I will support you, because its you. You are the one take control of your life, no one else.

>> But like always....their idea of telling me what to do is to yell at me. I've probably been yelled at more then 3 times a DAY! i never see a day where they're not 'stressed because of ME!' Like why!?

- I am very sorry for you to go through this. I am sure they can have a better way to give you advice on what to do, instead of yelling. It must be tough. But as you said, I hope you understand their concerns too. They care for you, and they might be overdesperate to make you do well in studies. So they yell at you for this reason. They only had that one mistake, of not understanding everyone has unique strengths and talents, and it can't be forced. I hope no matter how difficult the days can be, you will always be forgiving to them. They really only had that one mistake, and they still hoped all the best for you as your dear parents.

No matter how the end result is, your dreams are the priority, because that's your life, not your parents. How harsh it may sound, they are not the ones who control your life, but you. So despite all the difficulties I hope you can always stick to your dreams. There is a way to strike the balance between family and your dreams. As I suggested above, while you had to study well as your parents wished, you can always squeeze in some time for art, for yourself, and trust me, it definitely helps a lot. Sometimes it looks like miracle that if we make ourselves more efficient, we could actually have so much more time for ourselves! Remember that. I hope with this they can see through your effort in studies, and stop yelling at you!

>> Just last Friday when i found out that i F the last test of Biology i freaking had a PANICK ATTACK IN MATH CLASS!!

- Sorry to hear that. Having panic attacks can be very tough. I am also learning how to overcome this too! Once again, please dont feel so sad about the F. You are not measured by your grades. You are not determined by a few subjects. You have so much more than these. I wish your parents can understand this.

>> I was born with Tourett's Syndrome and i've always had a hard life......maybe im just the bad guy idk

- You are not a bad person. I completely understand what dilemma you are having. It must be very tough. To feel that you are labelled being normal, while you know you are actually not. To think that its unfair since everyone had easy lifes while you dont. I really feel for you. But, all these never mean that you are a bad person. You are not! I cannot stress this enough, that you worth so much more than everyone else think. You are special and I believe you have something special in you. Like art! You can draw your life with art and you have so much potential in it. You can be an amazing person in future. Never let anyone say bad things to you since you are not bad. So do yourself, I hope you never look down to yourself. You can do amazing things! You are the amazing person that will make your life happier! Dont forget that.


I wish you all the best with your future. You have so much to contribute with your ideas! Don't give up on your dreams!