H.S making me depressed & anxious, parents won't address it.

[Creeoer]

I'm currently a sophomore at a catholic school and I dreaded it from the very start. The overall high school expierence doesn't seem cut out for me, the work schedules, the hours, the uninteresting classes ,huge workload, and a cruddy uniform and school atomsphere just makes day to day life a struggle for me. Throw in social anxiety to the mix and you have a disaster. Keep in mind I have friends, but a lot of situations can cause me to swell up, more so that most people. This isn't the only thing I dread about school however, I am getting a therapist and will address the s.a.d. The whole system in itself and the workload are 75% of the problem. Coming home doesn't get me relief either, as I have a very noisy household and I just end up sitting in my room, listening to music praying for tommorrow to never come.

To clarify, if the workload was something I enjoyed doing, like technology or mechanical stuff, even buisiness, I would do it no problem. My drive for doing things I like is quite big, I can hack away at projects for hours on end and not even mind if I enjoy doing it.

To be honest, all I want in life is just peace & traquility. I feel like dropping out on a daily basis, to the point where I actually made a whole plan with a lot of research invested into it. I feel like scraping to get a diploma, going to a college for a degree and getting a job I'm interested in. I know high school is only 4 years, and I've considered transferring, but my parent's wont let me transfer unless it's another catholic school with a lot of similiar traits, like a huge workload. Sorry if I sound needy or "ungrateful" but I don't think this is how someone should live, even if it's only for another 2 and a half years. I honestly find little passion in things I liked to do before, like programming or making music, since I'm so drained from school. It makes me a zombie at the end of the day and I just dont want to do anything with myself and my time besides rot away and listen to music as a cope. Sometimes I throw stuff around my room from anxiety attacks, punch holes, whatever makes me feel better for that second.

My school isn't terrible though, there are clubs that quite frankly are the only reason I would ever stay at the school, like robotics. But as the days go on even that is not helping brighten up my day anymore, since when I get home I just turn depressed again and realize how much I have to do in the next 5 hours, rinse and repeat every day for 2.5 more years.

Anyway, after explaining the situation to my parents they seem very stubborn, saying things along the lines of "no one likes school" or "It's only a few more years, get over it" or my favorite "all you do is mope around, get a job!" I would love to work but I'm so drained from school I just cant bring myself do it. Telling me to "tough it up" or "get over it" won't help me, they are just statements that make me feel worse about myself and make me feel unentitled to my feelings. It makes me punch holes in my wall. I don't think a dislike of school should make your life seem like a chore and just destroy your quality of life.

I know the importance of an education, I just realize there are alternatives to this, maybe get a GED or something similiar? I don't know, but my parents seem bent on saying that I must go to a traditional, catholic education no matter what, so that takes alternative schools out of the mix. I seem stuck here and to be honest if something doesn't change soon I'm going to start crying myself to sleep every night. I just want to live life by my terms and work a job I love, money making or not as long as I get by. As far as I'm concerned high school is just an obstacle to my happiness and what I want to do with my life. The system itself is so outdated and old that I'm suprised it hasn't changed yet.

Any ideas as to what to do next?

[Kate*]

Hey there and welcome. I'm sorry you're stuck in this position, but I'm glad you're getting a therapist. You're right, the things your parents are saying won't help and I hope a professional will. Unfortunately, the crappy stuff everyone hates doing doesn't end in high school, especially if you were to drop out. You'd be left with fewer options and low-paying jobs that you might hate more. I completely understand wanting to get through this and get on to doing what you want to do, but that can't happen if you skip steps. And, once you're in the real world, even with a job you love (which may not come right away), you'll have to do things, or tolerate people that you won't like.