Please Help: His Parents Hate Me

[KatieReads]

Hello everyone,
My name is Katie and I am nineteen years old. I know this probably may seem ridiculous, and I haven't been on this website for years, but I need some advice and I literally am completely unable to figure out what to do. I am on the fence about breaking up with my boyfriend, and I've been feeling this way for a while.
First of all, I'd just like to say that he's not the problem. He's perfect. He makes me smile, he makes me feel good about myself, he's my best friend, and I can't imagine my life without him. I love him so much. We've been together for 2 1/2 years, but we were friends for a little over a year before that. If this was a perfect world, I'd marry him and be with him forever.
However, this is not a perfect world, and as you can maybe tell, he's not the problem.
His parents are basically the epitome of every stereotype of Catholicism you've ever heard. They think they're above every religion, they believe sex before marriage is wrong (stay tuned: more on that later), they go to confession every week, they do not accept those who aren't Catholic. They also hate me. They do not think that I am good enough for their son, they refuse to accept our relationship as valid, they talk ill about me to their younger children, they are mean to me directly to my face (even worse behind my back), they mock me for my anxiety and depression, and so on...
I don't want to sound superficial, or self-centered or anything, so please forgive me if that's how I come across—but I am not a bad girl. I am very self-conscious, and I a suffer with extreme social and performance anxiety. I am also not the most smart, the most funny, the most pretty, or the most Catholic girl around. Clearly I am out of his league, but I have a few things going for me: I am kind, I am not pushy, I am modest, I am compassionate, and, above all other things, my boyfriend loves me despite all the bad things.
i know I don't sound that great, but I don't believe I deserve the things they put me through. Being around them causes me such great anxiety and pain. I should also mention that they live 2700 kilometers away, so all this torture they put me through, they definitely go out of heir way to do it. When I go to their house, they treat me like I'm invisible, they will sit down to meals without me. Ex: last summer i was at their house, and I was forced to sleep in my boyfriends grandmother's undeveloped, dirty, and unhygienic garage. There are not only 1, but 3 spare bedrooms in between the two houses on the property. I was stuck in the garage. Mind you, I was going through extreme depression and anxiety at this time, and I was having minor OCD as a side effect. I am horribly afraid of bugs, and no only was the garage filled with them, but in my issues with OCD, I was constantly fearing having my skin and/or clothing dirty. I would have an anxiety attack if I had dirty clothes or if a bug would be on me. His parents knew that. That whole week I had several anxiety attacks a night, barely got any sleep, and was constantly on edge and feeling dirty. This is just one of the many things they did that week against me. That is the thing that makes me fear going back the most, that I'll be treated like garbage again. It terrofies me, and my boyfriend wants to go back there this summer.
On top of this, I can't do anything right. You know why they first started to dislike me? I was too quiet. They knew I had social anxiety, that obviously didn't resonate with them. The first summer I was there (not last) they made me go out "bonding" with them. Where they would take me with them to the store, the mailbox, wherever, and they would try to talk with me. Not normal conversations either, it was always ALWAYS super intrusive questions, things I don't talk about because they're so personal. They would ask me if I was Catholic, what my opinion on marriage was, if I go to confession, if I'm baptized, etc. I would stutter, try to come up with a logical thing to say, and they wouldn't even let me completely explain my feelings before they'd launch into what their beliefs were. The thing is that I usually would agree with their opinions, but it didn't matter. Though I didn't realize it then, the truth is that whatever I said wouldn't matter. It wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough.
They also try to meddle with my relationship with my boyfriend. They'll tell him things like "She doesn't make you happy. She's too frail, you'll spend your whole life taking care of her and she'll give you nothing in return. There's a girl in church that is much smarter and practices regularly." As well as, before he moved in with me, they'd force him to stop talking to me for days, they'd say that I was a slut, that he could do better, they'd tell him to not speak to me for one night, and if he broke the rule then they'd take away his phone, computer, iPod, everything.
I know that probably sounds like psychological and emotional abuse, and I promise you that I know it is. My parents were so willing to let him move in with us (before we moved out on our own) because they could see all this going on. They forced him to work on their farm, wouldn't let him get a job, refused to pay for University unless he did it in their city... It was awful. When he was offered an out, he took it.
The first summer I was there, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie. Sounds innocent, right? Well, his parents (later just his dad) stayed awake the entire time in the kitchen. Suddenly, my boyfriend started acting weird because they were talking in the kitchen, so he sent me to bed and told me to not come out of the room until he woke me up in the morning. I was like "Uhh... Okay." So I did what he said. Suddenly, at 4 o'clock in the morning my boyfriend, who at this point was 18 years old, calls me. He was sobbing and apologizing and was, frankly, scaring the crap out of me. I was staying in his grandmother's spare room at the time, only a two minute walk from the main house. I asked him why he couldn't just come to get me, and he said that his dad had got a hold of him before he had a chance to go to bed, took him into the kitchen and was screaming at him. That he was threatening him, saying all these awful things, throwing things and breaking things... My boyfriend told me that the next day we weren't allowed to touch each other in his dad's presence, not even holding hands. I did what he said, and didn't say anything.
This isn't the first instance of abuse in their family. The four older siblings left because of this treatment, and they refuse to speak to their parents. My boyfriend is the only older kid that still is in contact. There was a lawsuit several years ago, and my boyfriend's father lost it, so he was not allowed near his 4 oldest children. So, all the pressure on the four old kids, shifted directly onto my boyfriend, who, at the time, was only 14 years old.
I'm sorry for this novel, but I am so upset. I'm sitting here, crying like a baby, trying not to let my boyfriend hear me (he's playing video games in the other room). But I am so overwhelmed.
Recently, my boyfriends uncle came to visit us, and he was just like my boyfriend's parents. Obviously my boyfriend's dad had a word with his brother about how awful I am, because the second my boyfriends uncle saw me he INSTANTLY treated me with animosity. He asked me all the same prying questions my boyfriends parents did, except he wasn't at all filtered. He asked me insanely personal things, like if my boyfriend and I were having sex, if we were planning on getting married, why I'm not baptized already... All the while my boyfriend, completely unaware, was down in the lobby getting pizza.
I feel extremely afraid of my boyfriend's family, and when my boyfriend told me that we have to visit them in August, I instantly launched into a panic attack. My boyfriend is well aware of this, as he comforted me and told me that he'll talk to his parents. He said that he'll tell them that they, at the very least, have to be civil with me and that they can't make me sleep in the garage. But I am so afraid, he is so different around them. With me he's a sweetheart that voices his own opinion, laughs and jokes, and talks about whatever he wants. when he's around them he isn't that person, he's completely submissive, he lets them treat him horribly, he doesn't step in when they're rude to me because he's afraid too.
I know this sounds stupid, but because of them and their awful treatment of me, I want to break up with him. They tell me that I'm ripped their family apart. ME. I'm the one taking their son away, that I'm ruining him, that I am a horrible influence. They cause me so much stress and anxiety, they are so sharp tongued and cruel... I don't want them in my life. I especially don't want him around him. They're so stupid lucky that he turned out the way he is, he was going down a wrong path at first, and being with me turned him around.
I'm sorry if this is self-centered, but I am genuinely the perfect child to a parent. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I've never done neither in my life. I focus all my energy on school... I am nothing but a good influence on my boyfriend. He was pretty much my exact opposite before he met me. He kept it hidden from his parents, but I know everything. They let him be around people that were very poisonous. They didn't know because these people had innocent faces. Then I come in, I stirred the pot because he fell in love with me. He is happy with me, and he says that he's never been happier in his life.
I don't want to lose him, but they torture me. One of the bigger reasons I'm staying with him (excluding that I love him, of course) is because I know that if I let him go he'll be forced to go back with them. To live a very specific life tailored to the things that they want. I can't let that happen, because I love him.
Most of this is just a rant, I know that, and I'm sorry. But I am so conflicted. I am not sure if I love him the same anymore, I am afraid that I love him out of pity. They are awful miserable people, that are not happy with their lives so hey choose to try and ruin ours. It's killing me, I have anxiety attacks about it all the time. I don't want to see them again. Ever. But I love their son, so I have to. My boyfriend tells me that if I don't go with him in August, then his parents will never believe that our relationship is real. I am so torn up inside, I don't know what to do. I don't want to be their daughter-in-law, I don't want them to be the grandparents of my children, I want to be as far away from them as possible. But I want my boyfriend, I want to marry him, I want to have his children... I know this might sound stupid, because I'm 19, but I seriously can't imagine a future with anybody else. I am so confused and scared and hurt.
If you have any advice, thoughts, or anything at all, please let me know. A lot of this was just a rant, but I do need some help. Anything, even just some kind words, would be appreciated.
Thank you for taking the time to read this,
- Katie

(P.S. I hope I don't offend anyone that's Catholic or anything, I only used that to describe them because they claim everything they do is in the name of their Faith. I actually believe in Catholic beliefs, I'm just not practicing. I just wanted to clarify that! I have nothing against Catholic people or the church, just my boyfriend's parents.)

[TheAtomicBlade]

I don't think you should break up with your boyfriend.
Talk to him about how his parents are bothering you. He may have some good ideas. Also, I think maybe you could try being a little fake around them? Like maybe just pretend to follow their ideals or whatever, if that would help.
I guess if it comes to that, you'd have to break up with your bf, since things aren't looking good.
Stay strong. Things will get better.
PM me if you ever want to rant

[mug1337]

You're in a relationship with your boyfriend, not his parents. You do what you two have to do to be happy. You're both adults, you get to decide who you do and do not associate with. If that means disconnecting from the parents then so be it. Your boyfriend will be terrified of this. Much like myself it seems he has been abused for some time but you need to remind him that no matter what his dad says. He cannot force him to do anything anymore. You two will find a way. Don't let some sour old people ruin what you guys have.