Trouble with Parents and Religion? Coming out.

[carolinellama]

I'm not really sure how to start so I'll just jump into it.

I've wanted to get my hair cut short as long as I remember, like a boys. But my Mom always says that with short hair it will make people think that I'm a lesbian or that I want to be a boy, and my hair has been super long my whole life.
I've known for a while that I wasn't completely straight, and that I liked boys and girls, but I've also not felt that right in my body. Sometimes I totally embrace my girl body and somedays I'll totally resent it. I've read about some people who are transexuals that say they have felt like they were in the wrong body their whole life, but I only feel like that sometimes and still like my girl body.
I also recenty found out that my parents didn't approve of homosexuality and transsexuality and that kind of stung. They never really spoke aloud about their beliefs, but when I had brought up how great it was that gay marriage had been legalized a couple months ago, their attitude totally changed and they told me they didn't approve and I dunno. I thought my parents would be better than that, and at the time I was starting to think I was bisexual and it really put a damper on things and how I thought about myself.
I've tried bringing up the subject a bit more, maybe to familiarize them more with the subject and maybe get them to understand a bit more, but they always kind of shy away from it and just phrase the Bible before changing the subject. I'm also a pretty religious person, and my Bible study group keeps bringing up the subject of homosexuality saying that its a sin and that if we try to "fix ourselves" then we will be sent to heaven with the rest of the followers and it makes me feel bad and sick inside, because I don't want to change and suppress that part of myself but still be close to God and go to heaven.
I'm afraid that if I come out that my parents would reject me, or even would say it was okay, but silently resent that part of who I was forever, and start to seperate me from their lives.
I love my parents and don't want to be seperate from them, but I want to come out and have short hair and wear suits and ties and boy dress shoes to church without being judged and just be myself.
I just need some advice. Help?

[ThisWillDestroyYou]

Hi Caroline.

First of all, welcome to the forums. Second, I'm not really sure what advice you're looking for, as you didn't really seem to ask for help about anything. Rather, it seems to me that maybe you're venting to work things out for yourself. Regardless, let me comment on what you've said.

I am straight. However, there were periods in my life, particularly when I was younger and in my early teens where I exhibited bisexual behaviors, and had bisexual fantasies. I haven't had any in a really long time, so I am certain of my sexuality presently. However, I say this because I can empathize coming from a religious family.

The thing you have to realize is that generations that are older than you sometimes hold different opinions about various topics. This doesn't mean that their opinions, or seemingly intolerance, is right, just that it is different from your own. In other words, you need to learn to accept that just because your parents may not be accepting of something that might define you doesn't mean that they don't love you, and that you can't love them. But rather, that you might just have to deal with it. Which, sucks.

However, this is just the time that we live in. Eventually this mentality will cease to exist, but likely not in our lifetime. I support equal rights for everyone. My family, however, does not. I am also an agnostic. My family is religious. Sometimes they try to force their religion on me, and while I dislike it, I understand that those are their opinions.

Sometimes even though opinions are harmful, it's helpful to put yourselves in their shoes. If you were raised in their generation and indoctrinated to believe that homosexuality is wrong, you'd likely be exactly like they are. And while they disprove, perhaps their disapproval is more of a concern. That is, if they believe homosexuals are going to hell, it's in fact loving of them to express that concern. If you believed someone was going to Hell, wouldn't you want to do the best you could do reprove them?

Granted, I realize this is hard to put up with, believe me I do. But, I think walking a mile in someone's shoes puts things in perspective. As far as your church goes, it seems to be a minority in America. Most denominations and such are approving of homosexual rights. Your situation is not permanent and will change. The best advice I can give is sometimes living in the closet is the best decision for the present. And while I've never had to "come out" of the closet so-to-speak, I have had to come out of the closet as an atheist in the past (while my stance has changed on that), so I do understand it to a lesser degree.

Just realize your situation is not permanent, and do your best to love God the way you can, and don't worry about whatever humans have to say. I believe it's as Jesus said, "Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell." (Matt 10:28) In other words, love your God, and don't worry about what others have to say about you.

If you need anything, PM me.

[Riverthewolf]

Maybe if you're new to being like this, you should give it some thought. It might help to think about what options you have and if its a good idea to come out at this time?