Triggering (SH): My head of year phoned my parents!

[Liz12Girl]

Basically I was at school, when I got changed for pe my teacher noticed the cuts on my arm. She told my head of year who talked to me. I blamed it on the cat but somehow I don't think she believed me. She told me she had to phone my parents. The school are arranging counselling for me but I think my mum is worried. I have kept to the cat story but I'm scared I'm a burden on her. Please help. This is my new school, I've just started year 7. And will the teachers think differently of me because of it?

Hey, Liz!

This must have been quite mortifying for you when the teachers saw and and told you they had to phone your parents. I doubt your teachers will think of you differently now because I imagine they've come across quite a few students struggling with self-harm because sadly, it's all too common. Perhaps you could speak to these teachers and express your concern? It's okay to ask them questions like this so you don't have these worries on your mind at school.

As for your mom, I realize it may make you feel bad seeing her worry. Thing is, she's your mom and that means you are not a burden at all; you're her child whom she loves and cares for. Her job is to worry about you! I imagine she loves you a great deal and would want to support you and help you with your struggles. Would you consider coming clean with her? You could pick a time when she's busy and in a fairly good mood and apologize for blaming the cat and just explain your self-harm along with why you do it. That thought probably feels really scary, but I bet having her support and being able to talk to your mom about it (you could let her know when you have urges as well) would be extremely helpful to you. Just to have your mom know so you don't have to deal with this all alone, you know? Even though it probably sounds scary, think about it.

Counseling might not have been a choice of yours but I suggest trying to make the most out of it. Talking about your feelings and what you're having a hard time with might prove rather beneficial because of simply being able to talk to someone in real life about it and your counselor might have rather helpful advice to give to you.

You're welcome to continue posting here. Let us know how things go for you if you wish. I hope all goes well, Liz. Take care and stay strong.

Firstly, I am sure you aren't a burden to your mom. It is normal for parents to worry about their kids especially when they see them struggling. However, just because your mom is worried about you does not mean you are a burden. I am sure you bring a lot of happiness to your mom's life. I am sure she would be sad to know that you feel the need to self harm.

That being said, I think you should embrace the help that is being offered. Talk to the counselor and let them work on helping you get to a better place. The more open you are with them the better able they will be at helping you. You can overcome the self harm. It might take time but it is definitely possible.

If you ever want to chat feel free to message me.

[Liz12Girl]

Hi guys, thanks for replying. I'm gonna talk to my teachers on Monday. Tag problem is that I lied that it was the cat and I can't take that back and say I cut myself. Well I think they already know but I don't wanna have to directly admit it. The other problem is swimming,if they see the top of my thighs, they'd probably freak out more than they did my wrists :-( but I dunno if I'm gonna lie to get out of it or just go through with it. I'm scared that my friends (not that I have many) will find out. Also if I talk to the counsellor about self harm, would she have to tell my mum? Cuz I don't want her to know how bad it is cuz she'll be so worried... Thx 4 helping

[WhisperingSilence]

Hi, I can relate to this a teacher/tutor finding out about self harming. I had an incident of this a few months ago... but because of my age (I'm 25) was 24 at the time - the rules were slightly different to an extent... she threatned to phone home I like had to beg her not to... and then she made promise if I do it again or if she finds out I had done it again because I'm like basically a vulnerable adult she will be phoning home. it might an idea for you to talk to your head of year about how worried you are about it like stressing your mum out and such like. But I can see why they phoned home - child protection etc.

[Palmolive]

Hi there.

I am sorry to hear you're going through a hard time right now. I hope things get better for you as time goes on.

I can relate to your situation as this happened to me many times while I was in school. Your school have a care of duty towards you which is why they called your mum. They have a responsibility for you while you're there and believe it or not, your teachers care about you, a lot. Them knowing about this, shouldn't affect the way they see you, feel about you or talk to you. You're still you and you're still the same person even though you self harm. It doesn't change who you are and they should understand that and respect that so I would try not to worry about that, okay?

As for your mum worrying, she's going to to. She's your mum and your her baby and no matter how old you get, you always will be here baby. She loves you and cares about you and perhaps its okay for her to worry about you but maybe now is a good time to be honest with her, if you feel able too, and tell her the truth so she and your school can support you through this because all of these people can help you through this but only if they know the truth and what's going on for you right now, you know? You don't have to suffer in silence in this.

I know it's all really hard at the moment but things will get better. I don't know why you are self harming or if there is a reason but if you want to talk to us about it more then feel free too because we're here to listen and we're here to give you the best advice that we can do and that's what we will do. We won't let you go through this by yourself. We'll be here all the way, because we care too.

Stay strong and don't be alone,
Jessie