Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Problems with parents escalating quickly.

[TheOneWhoEndures]

I dont know how to handle this, so my girlfriend suggested that I should just type my situation out on this forum. So.. here we go

Im 15 and just becoming a Sophmore this year and I'd say I am sort of a student athlete. Ive been playing football since I was 6 years old and at first I hated it and I slowly learned to love it, by the time I graduated from little league I ended up loving football. Not because of the sport but because of all the people around me that loved and supported one another. When I came into freshmen year and started playing for the highschool I instanlty hated everything about the program. Everyone hated each other, fights broke out often between players and coaches, the people who got playing time was based off your relation to the coach. Such as if you were the son or nephew or your parents donated to the program alot by doing communty service for them. Not based on skill like in little league and everything. Nether the less I still practiced hard for little reward and at the end of the season I basically was turned off by the idea of football. In the off season I picked up a new hobby that I actually saw a future with because I loved doing it so much, video editing, and my friend had offered me a job in Sound and Lighting for the school theathre because they needed more people. Problem is the job schedule heavily conflicts with the Football schedule. So I had made up my mind that I wasnt going to play football this year and take up the Sound and Lighting job for the school.

MY PARENTS DID NOT ON ANY LEVEL LIKE THAT IDEA AND ARE MAKING MY LIFE HELL FOR IT...

So I discussed the idea with my parents and both of them had disagreed with my plan even though they both know I hate playing this sport. Eventually I pushed it abit too far and I got in an argument with the subject with my mom. The argument had ended and she was conviced that I was being the most disrespectful child on the planet for not wanting to play a fucking sport. And had been going on a 4 day shit fit about it ever since the arguement. She hasnt talked to me all 4 of these days and has been going off on everyone in the house about every little thing. I had even went and apologized to her and she hasnt accepted my apology and says my logic on the subject is bullshit. Then started the fights with my father, she keeps on getting pissed as hell at him for not "diciplining his kids" and for "choosing the kids over me". And had been just being plain out passive agressive towards everyone. So i AGREED to start playing this terrible sport and shes still mad for it. And by agreeing to play this sport I have basically put everything on the line, my friends and my girlfriends time is being completely filled with this stupid 5 hour a day practice schedule. I dont have time for anything during the day except for football and now im starting to lose friends and my girl has been worried we might split off because we wont have time for eachother. With her in band and me and football nothing really lines up anymore. Next week she had band camp so I decided to give her my last off day for the next few weeks all to her. And it was nice, for a second I had forgotten about all the problems I had been thinking about (which I know is a joke compared to some of the stuff I have read on this site). At 11:30 my dad called me to start walking home, So I kissed my girl goodnight and started heading home. When I got home the door was locked and I kept ringing the doorbell to get inside. My brother had answered the door and I came inside and instantly started doing the dishes. While I was doing the dishes I hear my dad walk in the kithcen and I ask him what he needs and do you know hw responds. He tries to fucking kill me... He grbabs me in a chokehold and cuts off my air supply. And starts barking out questons as I start to lose the ability to think and talk. LUCKILY my adrenaline kicked in right before I passed out and I was able to get him off me. Would you like to know WHY he tried to kill me? Because I didnt answer the phonecall that I didnt know I had received from him while I was too busy ringing one doorbell because HIS fucking wife had locked me out the house. This isnt the first time something like this has happened either, everytime something small happens with me and my father he blows up and starts beating on me. Its just gotten worse now..


I know this is alot but I dont know what to do. My family hates me now. I might lose my girl who I love so much and my friends all to this stupid sport that I hate so much. Im confused and I dont know how to handle anything anymore..

[L4Y]

First off, in regard to playing football, I feel you should do whatever it is that makes you happy. If that is not football - especially if you believe it is having a detrimental effect on your life - than I feel you simply shouldn't do it.

Your family sounds very unsupportive, to say the least, and in my opinion should understand that football it something that conflicts with your life and support whatever makes you happy.

To me, the most important part of your post is the mention of abuse by your father. This is completely wrong and needs to be addressed one way or another - whether that means confiding in another family member or someone else you trust. Best wishes.

[Spirit.]

This seems to be quite a difficult situation to navigate. Let me take one issue at a time. When it comes to football, if it's not something that you enjoy or are committed to on a personal level you should consider taking up what you're interested in whether your parents agree or not. This is because, let's face it, their temper is greatly dependent on your agreement with their ideals. And since they've been giving you a tough time with so many things already, would it make that much of a difference if you gave up football for something you love? I usually say it's a good idea to discus these things with parents though since they're not up for discussion then maybe it's time to take things into your hands. It is your life and you should be given the opportunity to do things that are rewarding for you.

Your mum not talking to you and the like is probably to maybe make you feel guilty so don't let it get to you. Personally, I don't think it's right the way your parents are treating you. Admittedly they may be going through stuff themselves but that is no excuse for them to be taking it out on you. You definitely do not deserve that.

If there have been other occasions that your father has hurt you that way, you should probably report it. I know it's not something any child wants to do to their parents. Still it endangers your life. If you think you could maybe speak to your school counselor as an alternative, it might help. They could refer you to someone who will be able to help. Please don't sit idly by and allow this to happen because you don't want any interference from outside. This can very easily get out of hand though and you need to watch for your safety as well as your siblings'.

Does any extended family member/relative know about what's happening at home? Will there be anyone you could probably talk to or trust enough to confide in? If so, they may be able to help out as well.

If you need to talk further, do message anytime. Take care and best of luck x

[TheOneWhoEndures]

Thanks for the advice. I'll try and take It up with my grandma or uncle.