Triggering (Grieving): My parents dont understand

[jpeople111]

I have recently lost a close friend to suicide and it was such a overwhelming and upsetting time for me,i went to his funeral the other day and i couldn't cry,i just felt numb.

Before he died i was also having trouble at college due to stress and being behind on coursework and it resulted in me having at least 3 panic attacks a week and having 3 days off college to calm down and catch up on my sleep.

I have regular meetings with my tutor to tell him how im feeling and i asked him to email my parents about it as i was too scared to tell them myself so he emailed them and i showed my dad the email and all he said was its not possible for someone as young as you to have depression.

It really made me angry,i feel like i made 100 steps forwards and 500 steps back.

[Calaer]

Hey there. I'm really sorry about all of the recent events that have you overwhelmed. I'm also sorry about your friend passing. I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to.

As for your parents, as sad as this is, most parents DONT understand mental illness. You could try expressing to them in a calm way what's going on in your life that is causing you so much grief. Explain to them that you are unsure on how to handle it, and that it's getting you very down. (If you say the word down, rather than depressed, they may be more inclined to listen seeing as they believe you don't have depression.) You could speak to them about seeking advice from a therapist.

As sad as it is to say, most parents don't understand mental illness today, and some parents still have that stigma over mental illness, rather than being accepting and helpful to their child who has a mental illness. Just take things slow, and one day at a time. I know this is hard, but you can do this. I know you can.

Again, I'm always here if you need someone. I wish you all the luck. Take care~

[jpeople111]

Thank you for all the words of support Mathmaticiousforlife, i will take your advice of saying down instead of depressed and see how it goes,its so annoying how mental illness has got so much of a stigma and people know very little about it.

I am desperate to go and see my GP but sadly i cant get there so my parents would have to drive me there so that's why i need them to understand.

[Calaer]

Keep your head up.

Hey there.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how that must have been for you, losing a friend to suicide. I know it can't be easy for you at all, though. Do you have anyone to lean on for support? Take a look at this thread, it explains who you can go to for help. Everyone grieves in their own ways and goes through many feelings. And being able to talk about whatever thoughts and feelings come up would be very healthy for you. On that note, here on TeenHelp you don't have to go through this alone! Many people would be happy to listen to what you have to say, including me.

First, I'd like to point out that what you did was courageous and brave; talking to your tutor about how you've been feeling then asking him to email your parents. That's really brave and positive of you to reach out. Although, I'm sorry that you dad didn't react in a more positive way. Just so you'll know, not everyone will react that way so don't let this experience discourage you from opening up to others close to you!

While your dad has probably had his own share of troubles just like everyone does at some point (after all, we are human), he may find it hard to imagine younger age groups suffering from depression. I understand your anger completely, though. I would feel angry and upset as well. I mean, you did just decide to open up to him. Regardless of all this, I do believe he does care a lot about you and love you as you are his child. To me, it seems like he's having trouble understanding and processing this.

Do you think it'd help if you talked to your parents about this again? By explaining to your parents how you've been feeling and what's been going on in a calm, informative and thoughtful way, they'd gain a better understanding on it to support you better. I also agree with Mathmaticiousforlife's idea about wording things differently. Try getting it across to them that you feel you really need help and that you'd appreciate if they were to drive you to your GP. If they still aren't willing to drive you, do you have any other family members that could?

I really do hope that you can talk to your parents more and that they become more understanding towards your struggles. For many, parents can be really comforting and supportive when you're struggling and you deserve to have that as well. And in the meantime, I hope things start looking up for you soon. I know you're going through a tough time right now, but always keep in mind that you can get through this. I'm sure you're a strong person, so don't doubt that, okay?

Feel free to continue posting here and reaching out for support, okay? We don't mind and plus, you shouldn't have to go through this alone!

[jpeople111]

Thank you for the support,I might try speaking to my parents again soon but not today,I feel really bad because I think my friends feel like I didn't care much about my friend who died because I just don't talk about it because it makes me cry and all my life I have been known as like the strong one.

Also I finished my first year of college on the 22nd may and I don't go back till September so I have nothing which motivates me to get out of bed in the morning,I'm trying to get a job because my parents told me to but the thought of having a job and so much responsibility right now scares me so much.

Originally Posted by jpeople111

Thank you for the support,I might try speaking to my parents again soon but not today,I feel really bad because I think my friends feel like I didn't care much about my friend who died because I just don't talk about it because it makes me cry and all my life I have been known as like the strong one.

Also I finished my first year of college on the 22nd may and I don't go back till September so I have nothing which motivates me to get out of bed in the morning,I'm trying to get a job because my parents told me to but the thought of having a job and so much responsibility right now scares me so much.

You're very welcome!

Crying is healthy as it actually can relieve stress; it's good to cry and just let it all out. And it also doesn't mean you're not strong, you know? Being strong doesn't mean you have to hold back on expressing your feelings. You're allowed to cry, to talk about him and feel out all of your feelings regarding your friend's suicide. I know it's hard, but maybe you might find comfort in letting your friends in? Having friends who understand and being able to talk to them about your feelings may make a huge difference and get some weight off your shoulders.

Something that may help you in healing is to write letters to your friend. It could really help to write down what you want to say to him on a note to get it off your chest and help you feel some sense of closure. Alternatively, you could go to his grave and talk to him. I've heard of other people doing this when they lose someone close to them because it provides comfort to them. On that note, a friend I know on here also lost a friend of hers, (bless their hearts) so she planted a tree for her friend. I thought that was really sweet and nice because a tree is something that lasts for a very long time. Everytime you go by there and see that tree, you'll remember him. Perhaps you could share that with your friends who also knew him, and all of you could plant a tree for him together?

Congratulations on finishing your first year of college by the way! In the meantime, how about including some hobbies to do during your day? Hobbies could provide enjoyment and distraction from everything you're dealing with along with having something to look forward to each day. Doing some hobbies you used to enjoy might be fun to go back to, and along with that, you could also try out some new things, you know? Exploring different things could keep your days interesting and you never know when you might find a new hobby that you'll soon become passionate towards!

While getting a job feels scary, it could end up being something positive. If you were to find a job and give it a try for awhile, and it ended up affecting you negatively (given what you're currently going through, I certainly understand how it could), would your parents understand if you decided to quit for the sake of your emotional health? Having a job may help you in terms of socializing and simply getting out most days, but depending on what sort of job it is, it could also be stressful. Ultimately though, you know what's best for you, and if you don't think you could handle a job right now then that's completely okay. You're going through a lot, so your feelings are understandable.

Glad to hear you may try speaking to your parents again sometime. Hope it goes well when you do, and you're welcome to keep us updated on things if you'd like!

[jpeople111]

Im so bloody angry with myself,my mum randomly asked me today do you want me to book a doctors appointment for you....and guess what i said no, why did i do that, urghh

[Palmolive]

Originally Posted by jpeople111

Im so bloody angry with myself,my mum randomly asked me today do you want me to book a doctors appointment for you....and guess what i said no, why did i do that, urghh

Were you maybe scared of having a doctors appointment? Either way it's a big deal and maybe your automatic response was to say no. But that doesn't mean that you can't go back to your mum and tell her that you have changed your mind if thats what you want to do, you know? If thats the help you want, then go for it because you deserve the help in every way!

[Green Yoshi]

I think its better if you told this to the people close to you, and got yourself a counsellor without your parents knowing.. to be honest, I think parents these days underestimate how much teenagers and young adults go through. The best way to overcome it is to first change your mindset. Rather than thinking " This will break me" , think " This will temper me and i'll be even stronger after all this. And to be honest, i think and i know that you can overcome this challenge. Nothing's beyond you... your close friends would also tell you the same thing

Those who love us never truly leave us. I thought they left, but it turns out that they'll always be here in spirit.

Stay strong... you've got this. You're going to beat this.

[L4Y]

First off, my condolences for your loss. I'm sorry your parents don't understand what you are dealing with. Unfortunately, depression and similar topics are still widely misunderstood by many people. However, you shouldn't allow this to hinder your progress or desire to seek help. If possible, I would try and speak with your parents to explain your feelings and it would be great if you are able to gain their support. But if not, you are still capable of acquiring help on your own and moving past your pain. Best wishes.