Telling parents about an online relationship

[GuardianofSecrets]

Idk if anyone can help, but in desperate. I'm a 15 y/o female and a few months ago I got into a relationship online. I am a super paranoid person so I know to be careful for people pretending to be teens, etc. We talked for months and eventually skyped. He is 17 and lives on a different continent, but he's an actual teenager, not a creepy pervert. I've known him for months and we're both completely in love. We even met here on TH and he's been kind since we first started talking. He has helped me through so much and I want to tell my parents so we can eventually meet, but recently I made a comment about talking to friends online and they freaked. How do I tell them without them making a scene?

[RadioSerenade]

Well, let's make one thing clear, you have your own independency and life, and you don't have an obligation to tell them. However, if you want, you can bring it up in conversations about friendship or online activities. Answer as many questions as they have and encourage them to seek their own information on online friendships. Remind them of security measures in place by way of internet based interactions and understand their viewpoint.

I can totally empathise with your parents in their reservations surrounding this relationship, because it's probably just a matter of their concern for your safety. Just understand where they are coming, without necessarily agreeing with it, because that can help in discussions.

[Just Peachy.]

You do have the right to your independence. But seeing as you're 15, your parents reserve the right to know things going on in your life. This is more applicable if you were any sort of danger, though. In this case, if you want your parents to know, then tell them. It's not completely necessary to tell them now, but eventually you should. Preface it by telling them you understand the danger of having online friendships, and tell them what you do to protect yourself online. Parents tend to like that sort of stuff. If they get upset or seem to be uneasy about the whole situation, perhaps have them Skype with him. That might ease their mind if they can personally talk to him.

[Always *]

You do have the right to your independence. But seeing as you're 15, your parents reserve the right to know things going on in your life.

- Just this. I think that this gets to the heart of what the truth is. My parents wanted to know EVERYTHING when I was a teenager... And my parents were the relaxed ones. It literally got to the point where they told me there were certain things they didn't want to know and my mom didn't believe that I didn't drink (alcohol) in high school. I think that the reality is that parents (the good ones at least) just want to protect you. Parents aren't perfect, so obviously they are bound to fuck up a few times in parenting just like any other human would when going about their lives, but ultimately, right or wrong, parents always act to protect their child and see them through to being successful and well to do adults. Any whoooo, if your parents want to know (and then overreact), they're just trying to be good parents and (part of that) is for them to have reservations about their child meeting people online, because as you said yourself, the person could be a 50 year old dude in his moms basement eating Kraft Diner and hot dogs

Any how, I do think that there is a way to broach the subject. If you bring up "miscellaneous friends" online, they might misunderstand and think that you're using the Internet just to meet people and freak out cause they're having visions of you talking to a whole ton of people that you've never met online and could be anyone. They're envisioning "omg who are these people that we can't even see" and thinking about that 50 year old loser and cat fishing bullies... They aren't thinking about how you met people through an innocent way and how interacting with people online isn't a big deal, so what if you connected with a few and became friends.

If you want to tell them, I suggest you think about presenting it innocently. Like that you connected on a website of mutual interest/topic, and got to know each other etc.... You can even start by telling them about how he's a guy you like in the same way that you would say about any other person that you already know in person and just get to the "how you met" later...

Ultimately there is no right and wrong, because you've done nothing wrong, and how your parents receive can't make much of a difference to the action. It's not like you killed someone. In addition, it's probably ok if you just... don't tell them. It's not like you need permission to go hang out with him or something. Tell them when the time feels right for you