Parents and my relationship

[Kitty.kat100]

My parents are constantly interfering and putting there opinion in on everything I do. I've been with my boyfriend 6 months and I see him most days, at the start of our relationship my parents were fine with us being in my room but now we have to sit in the lounge which is completely rubbish, so mostly we go to his house now. But whenever I get back my mum interrogates me about everything we do. I feel as if she doesn't trust me not to be completely stupid, I have three older siblings and they can do whatever they want but the minute I want to do something it's completely wrong and should never be done, I would understand more if they were a large difference in age but even the oldest is just 4 years older then me. It would be easier to deal with if they listened to me and let me put my opinion across instead of not giving me a chance to talk and just shouting at me.I just really want some advice on how to deal with it!!

[AndreaJS]

Hey there,

Parents are like that, mine are for sure. I suggest you take them aside and ask to talk to them: say you need to talk without them interrupting, and try and word your argument in such a way that it is not an attack on them, but rather a way to ease their fears. For instance, if they say we don't want you doing anything inappropriate, (take a breath before you answer, and look them in the eyes) you can say that you are growing up and need to have more freedom, however, you are sensible and have clear limits, and will not do anything foolish.

It sounds like your parents are seeing this relationship as getting serious (you've stayed together a lot longer than most couples manage) and so this is making them stress about how far you may have gone. They are your parents and it might be a case of you are one of their children who they really don't want to see hurt, or they are trying to be stricter than they have been previously to prevent things that your siblings may have done from happening again. (I'm not trying to give them excuses - you can address these things easily if you talk to them and having these already thought through will support you saying you are mature)

If you don't want to talk, try writing a letter to the - again try not to sound like you are attacking them in any way this wont help at all. Writing a letter to them may lead to a conversation so be prepared for this.

This situation sounds like it would probably be best solved with a calm talk, so any worries can be dealt with
Hope this helps
Feel free to pm me if you need

[Always *]

I don't mean to sound unfair, but parents usually treat their children differently. Sometimes it is for a good reason because children respond differently to different types of requests or discipline or rewards - like my brother would be happy with Yu Gi Oh cards as a reward but I might have wanted a new shirt, which I know is a lame example. Let's try another; an autistic child might need a 5 - 10 minute warning to transition away from the TV whereas another non-autistic child might just be expected to get up and leave on the spot, or maybe parents let one child have the choice of movie more often and it's not favouritism, it's because they know their 4 year old is tired and crabby and will probably throw a tantrum otherwise, whereas a more mellow child may not do something like that.

Other times, parents treat their children differently for other reasons that are not so immediately apparent. For example, your mother might worry about your more because you're the youngest and she's seen the things that happened to the older siblings and tries to protect you more in a way that's just not helpful for you.

What might help is just trying to let your mom know that you're being safe and that, while you are happy to talk about your relationship, that you feel like you re being interrogated a lot, which makes you uncomfortable.

Maybe try asking her if something is causing her apparent concern because, while you can't end your relationship and you should be able to spend time with your boyfriend without constant observation, you can try to hear her out and understand why she is worried.

All else failing, you can just tell her that your happy to share about your relationship but you would appreciate it if she didn't approach it like an interrogation.

I hope that helps.

[Eternal]

Originally Posted by Always *

I don't mean to sound unfair, but parents usually treat their children differently. Sometimes it is for a good reason because children respond differently to different types of requests or discipline or rewards - like my brother would be happy with Yu Gi Oh cards as a reward but I might have wanted a new shirt, which I know is a lame example. Let's try another; an autistic child might need a 5 - 10 minute warning to transition away from the TV whereas another non-autistic child might just be expected to get up and leave on the spot, or maybe parents let one child have the choice of movie more often and it's not favouritism, it's because they know their 4 year old is tired and crabby and will probably throw a tantrum otherwise, whereas a more mellow child may not do something like that.

Other times, parents treat their children differently for other reasons that are not so immediately apparent. For example, your mother might worry about your more because you're the youngest and she's seen the things that happened to the older siblings and tries to protect you more in a way that's just not helpful for you.

What might help is just trying to let your mom know that you're being safe and that, while you are happy to talk about your relationship, that you feel like you re being interrogated a lot, which makes you uncomfortable.

Maybe try asking her if something is causing her apparent concern because, while you can't end your relationship and you should be able to spend time with your boyfriend without constant observation, you can try to hear her out and understand why she is worried.

All else failing, you can just tell her that your happy to share about your relationship but you would appreciate it if she didn't approach it like an interrogation.

I hope that helps.

To add on, 4 years is a big age gap if you and your siblings are minors. I definitely can relate, my brothers are 4 and 8 years apart from me, and growing up they could always do things that I couldn't. But when I was 14 and had to be in the living room when my ex boyfriend would come over, my older brother was 18 and they could be in his room. So honestly, while it doesn't seem fair, 4 years can be a lot when you're young and it's very likely your parents had the same rules for your siblings when they were your age.
Remember they are just trying to protect you. You can still do lots of fun things with your boyfriend without needing the privacy of your room. If you don't like having to be in the lounge room, you can go out for a walk or go see a movie. Getting out and doing activities together is a good way to keep your relationship strong and enjoyable.

[stephaniewindom]

It is always have a good relationship with the parents...

[BreathingIn]

Parents involved with a relationship too much can be very dangerous. Especially if your boyfriend is older, some guys will feel like they're dealing with a child if the parents are too much involved. But it really depends on the guy because if he really loves you, he'll get over it and you'll both find ways to work it out.

[Theaweseomrguy]

It can be hard to have a relationship with your parents constantly putting their opinion in with everything but just remember they only want what's best for you. It's hard to see this but just remember that.