His parents don't speak English

[Forgetit]

Hey,

So my boyfriend and I have been together a while and it has gotten to the point where we're ready to start getting closer to each other's family. The problem is his parents don't speak English. He's suggested that I learn their language. However I don't agree with their choice to not learn the language. Believe me I'm not racist in any way, I just think that since they've lived here for about 16 years they should at least know the language to a proficient extent. Therefore I think it's unfair for me to learn their language just to communicate although I have tried to. Am I being unfair? Also he wants to know why I refuse to learn it and I'm afraid to tell him why because he might think I'm being racist or close minded. Should I tell him the truth or suck it up and just learn Spanish for them?

[Gwynbleidd]

you should tell him the truth that it's difficult for you but learn Spanish anyway not just for them as it is the second most widespoken language and could be a life skill to know. and they should know the language. if you decide to learn the language online i can tell you a place to learn it where i'm learning french. But be forth and outright and try to think of his point of view when you discuss it with him.

[Always *]

I don't think it's racist or closed minded. I imagine it must be stressful to live in a country where you can't even speak the language at all what so ever. You wouldn't even be able to carry out simple tasks such as going to the grocery store without great difficulty. I don't mind or care if people's ability to speak English is awful or if they prefer to speak their own language cause it's totally their choice and ability but I also totally understand when people get annoyed when someone has been living in a country for a long time and can't speak the language. Like if I moved to a country that spike Spanish, Arabic, French etc I'd totally learn those languages in order to be able to communicate because I wouldn't want to be limited and I also think it's kind of rude on my behalf to not even be able to communicate on a basic level in a community I am living in (although that's a personal preference, many may not have qualms about rudeness which is why I don't include it above in why they could learn English). We will ignore that that I already read French reasonably well and am working on speaking proficiency and being fluent, that's only cause Canada is a bilingual country and I've spent years getting above a basic level of proficiency cause what the non-immersion public schools teach us is not enough

Needless to say, I totally hear you and maybe my perspective will help you explain it to your boyfriend in a manner that doesn't sound racist or closed minded. Because I could totally take a "you must speak out language if you live here approach" and sound like a total ass, but I don't. I don't know every immigrant so I can't possibly judge them for their language choice cause I have no idea why they've chosen to or not to know the native language of where they live and I'm sure some of the have good choices for not knowing, even if it baffles me because knowing would make life easier for them.

Any ways, this is your boyfriends reality. What ever reason his parents have for not speaking the language, he has accepted as a valid reason. While it might baffle us for one reason or another that's how his parents live. It might not occur to him to press his parents to learn English because he might see it as him doing it only for your benefit because they're just fine living in a country whose primary language they just can't speak. Meanwhile, people like us imagine that reality as difficult and stressful, he might see it different and therefore assumes it is easier for you to learn. Also his parents might be set in their ways. Imagine when he was a little boy and his parents were unable to have parent teacher meetings without him or another interpreter? Or when something came up and he had to translate paper work for them? Maybe he tried to convince them that learning English would be beneficial and they refused for some reason and he's given it up as a lost battle.

I hope having more perspectives helps. I think all you can do is try to talk to him and maybe offer to learn some Spanish in exchange of teaching his parents English.

[xxpaigiexx]

Hey there,

I don't think that's racist at all. Majority of people would try to learn a language if they are moving to another country to live, well I certainly would. I think it might be nice if you learn a few phrases so you can say hello and ask how they're doing but I don't think you should need to learn a whole new language just so you can communicate with your boyfriend's parents. Unfortunately some people aren't willing to speak a new language. I think in these circumstances you need to be honest with your boyfriend and just tell him what you think, I'm pretty sure he will know you aren't racist, he has to look at both sides and understand that it's asking a lot of you to learn Spanish just for his parent's sakes.

I wish you the best of luck,
Paige

[Forgetit]

Thank you all for your answers. Unfortunately he did tend to think it was a bit racist although we talked it through. I am working on learning the language however I have decided to keep our family away from that part of his life.