gf's parents indirectly made us break, made her see someone else

[nintendude]

*i have a much longer, elaborated, emotion heavy post ready about this topic. however, i found it so ridiculously long that most people dont even bother to read it. if youre genuinely interested in more detail, then just ask me if you'd like that long post, or just ask for detail in general that you would like clarified.*

background on some main characters:
me: senior in high school. guy#2: senior in high school. her: sophomore in high school, absolutely gorgeous. her mother is filipino, her father is white.

me and my girlfriend are on a break, which has gone for two weeks. through our relationship (10 months, her shortest and my first), we knew that her mom hated me (i think part of it is just a bad first impression, but her mother says it is because i am filipino), but at the start of our relationship, we chose to try and fight it anyway, thinking she would come to terms with it eventually. unfortunately, her mother's hate for me has been consistent to the point where my girlfriend was made uncomfortable by her mother, who would always talk badly about me. they would also refuse to let us hang out.

she said because her parents made her feel that way, she didnt want to officially date me anymore to get away from her parents' hate. she also admitted that she started to like someone else because he would be someone her mom likes: a nice looking tall white guy who is wonderful at first impressions with adults. she wanted to get the feel of being out with someone her parents liked. she wanted a break so she wouldnt feel like she was cheating since she was having these feelings, and to try out other guys and have this experience since i was never able to be someone she could hang out with because of her parents.

we both still love each other and are remaining best friends, though it is a little bit hard for us at the moment. she knows that i am hurting and she still cares for me and thus doesnt want me hurt. but she still has a desire to try this other guy out. she said i was a perfect boyfriend. at first she said she hoped to just be able to experience these things with other guys in her high school career, and that the possibility of coming back to me was there. im scared that she may like this other guy more simply because her parents like him and not because he is better than me, and she said this is a possibility as well. she said if her parents had liked me in the first place, she would have never had started having eyes for another guy. she feels now that she has to choose between me or him. most of our friends feel that this entire thing is wrong, and they all acknowledge that i am a much better person than this other guy. many other problems lie in this. but we're just not sure what to do, how to cope, etc.

p.s. she has an account on this site and also posted something about us involving cheating. props to you if you can find it. she hasnt been on for a few weeks.

[DemonQueen]

Hey there,

I'm really sorry that your girlfriends parents don't care for you that much. Unfortunately, I think that everyone has gone through something like that at least once in their life. My parents disliked a couple of the guys I dated and while I tried to push their words aside, it was really difficult. Your parents definitely have a big influence on your life and it is so much easier when they approve of who you're with. Of course you shouldn't let their words influence your relationships TOO much. I see you said that her mother is Filipino, and that she doesn't like you because you are Filipino as well? Seems like a crazy excuse to me. I also think that the bit about her saying she wouldn't have eyes for another guy if her parents had liked you in the first place is kind of..not true.

To be bold, you guys are both young and have plenty of time for relationships in your future. In my opinion I think that it would be best if the two of you ended it and pursued something else. If her parents are taking the time to refuse to let you hang out with her then they aren't giving themselves a chance to open up and really get to know you. You don't need to be with a girl with parents like that. You need to be with someone whose family will take you in as one of their own, in a way. It's not fair for you to put so much effort into getting to know them when they won't take the time of day for you. It's also not fair for this girl to string you along. I know that you both care for each other but if you love something, set it free and if it comes back then it was meant to be.

Just think long and hard about what you want to do and most importantly think of what is going to make you happy. You need to put your feelings first.

Take care,
Amber.

[luckiicloverxx]

Hey there,

I'm sorry about all this. It must really suck.

You do need to realize that, if you are actually looking for a lasting relationship with this girl, her parents are always going to be there. If you guys end up getting married, her mom is still going to be there. If her parents are so against it, there's really nothing you can do apart from trying to figure it out where you might have offended them.

I think you two should just let each other go. She shouldn't lead you on while she goes out with other guys. It might be better for you two to just try and keep your distance till the feelings go away.

Kyra

[Lelola]

I would try to distance myself from her. Unfortunately, I have had issues with parents playing too much of a role in relationships and she is dependent on them for the time being so it is not like she can say goodbye to them. While staying friends is all nice and stuff, at this point in time it may be worse for your own sake of mind.

[nintendude]

it does hurt for me to be around her sometimes, knowing that stuff with another guy is developing, and that it's happening because her mom likes him instead of me, and likely because of race and superficial reasons. it would hurt her for me to be away from her too, because im still one of the most important people in her life. not just because we dated, but we have known each other for a while. i'd like to stay friends with her, even if it hurts. we still enjoy each other's company a lot and sometimes even feel incomplete without each other.

at the moment, all im hoping for is that time and space will allow her to experience this, and that if she really loves me like she still says, she would eventually come back to me, either not caring what her parents have to say, or maybe my relations with her mom would be better.

but the hope turns on and off because i think about both possibilities, that everything will be happy and im with her, or i can still never be with her no matter how much we love each other.

im not one to kinda search out girls and make the first move. she was the first girlfriend i had because she was the first person to reciprocate my feelings. i dont find myself to be too attractive. but this girl is seriously amazingly beautiful. its not comforting for me to hear "there are others out there" because while yes i may find someone else as may she, right now i dont care to try anyone else.

[Lelola]

Try to focus on yourself and improving yourself. Don't let yourself sink into a depression. Instead of looking for others, seek out new interests and new groups of people. Look for a new job or learn a new skill. Find a club or volunteer. If you don't run, start walking and then start running.

The last thing you want to do is to give yourself time to think about what "might" be. Find things to make yourself happy and dwell in the now versus what your idealized future would be.