i cant stop thinking about it

[onlyfoolingmyself]

(dont know if its triggering.. just to be sure..)
since my friend has told me about his failed suicide attempt i cant stop thinking about cutting again. i stopped two years ago and now it feels like everything is coming back again.. my dad keeps calling me bitch again and how i ruined his life and how his life would be better if i would be dead and those other things which make me so damn sad and angry about myself. i feel the urge to cut myself again.. just to feel better.. but on the other hand i know it was a mistake starting it. but i just can't help. i am afraid to tell it my friend because i don't want him to worry.. he has enough problems.. :/
is this normal ? i mean.. two years and i never thought about it..and now it is like my past is following me now ( with the same problems..my dad )
i hate my dad. really i do. he is the reason why i am so freaking scared of making mistakes that could upset him and say those thing to me. they hurt me so much.
i tried to talk to my mum about it but she won't listen. she is kinda against everything i say.
oh god.. this is soo bad :/ i cant help but think to go to the bathroom and just cut myself.

[*Jen*]

Hey Bella,

2 years is soo amazing!!!! That is honestly such an achievement, which I don't think you would want to throw away now. You can get through this Bella. You don't have to self harm. I am really sorry that your dad says such things to you. That is horrible but don't let his comments get to you. You are stronger than that! I know how easy though it is to say that. But honestly you are worth so much so don't let anyone tell you different. Talking to your mum might be something to try again. You could even try writing her a letter explaining because that way she would have time to think about what you have said and hopefully do something about it. You don't have to be alone with this. I am always here for you if you need someone to talk to. Stay strong :-)

[Casey.]

Hey Bella,

Two years is amazing dear. If you made it two years, you can make it through this. Maybe when you have an urge to hurt yourself, try some of the alternatives, they can be found here.

Could you talk to someone outside of your family? A teacher or counselor maybe? I know it can be hard, but try to ignore what your father says. Just do your best, you don't have to be prefect.If you need/want someone to talk to, feel free to pm me.

[ChloeBean]

Hello Bella. 2 years is an amazing accomplishment and you should be very proud of yourself. I know what you mean. When I used to cut, I would think about it day and night. And I have obsessive compulsive disorder, so it was hard to put my mind on other things. But I had to try my best to distract myself. I use music and writing. It helps a lot. And about your father, I'm really sorry. I've never been in that situation before. Keep going with your two years and don't give up, no matter how much you want to. Please I believe in you. (: You can do it. Stay strong, dear. xx

[onlyfoolingmyself]

omg.. thank you (:
but i just had a big argument with my parents and now they're ignoring me. this was just too much.. the words again and now being ignored.. i had the razor in my hand. but i didnt do it. i couldnt. somehow..
and i was so sad and angry it was really bad..
well.. i just talked to my best mate and i promised to never do it again. i hope it will work. i really do.

[L'espoir]

Originally Posted by onlyfoolingmyself

omg.. thank you (:
but i just had a big argument with my parents and now they're ignoring me. this was just too much.. the words again and now being ignored.. i had the razor in my hand. but i didnt do it. i couldnt. somehow..
and i was so sad and angry it was really bad..
well.. i just talked to my best mate and i promised to never do it again. i hope it will work. i really do.

Hey,

Well done for not cutting! It was really strong of you, when you were feeling so down. You should be really proud of yourself. It sounds like your best mate is really supportive and thats great. Maybe you could call her or something if you ever want to cut again.