Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

[Lovehatelife23]

When i was born my real mom done bad stuff when i was in her. I was Fetal Alcohol Syndrome n postive of cocain at birth. When i grew up i was throwing bad tantrums n was in a mental hospital at age 5 to get some test to see wat was wrong with me n then in year 2007 at the age of 16 i was really bad i was in n out of mental hospitals n stayed in one for 3 to 4 months i was trying to kill myself.
In 2008 my bestfriend ended up killing himself bc of how his life was n how his mom was a drug addict n didnt have a dad n he hung himself one day n i could never get over it bc he was very close to me. we did everything together.
When i got older i hated my life bc i aint normal. im not like anyone else. I dont have rarly any friends n people mostly look at me bc im ugly n stupid n dont have the social stuff to hangout with anyone. I tend to still throw them bad tantrums but not as much anymore.
In the beginning of 2011 i was in terrible depression i wanted to kill myself bc of how i looked n how my parents dont understand me n wont talk to me when there is something wrong with me. i feel bad all the time bc i dont have the smarts like anyone tat i kno. all my life people seemed to be slipping away from me. I know tats how life is. but it agrvates me.
I always thought that my life could be so much more then it is now but to me tat i didnt care n i dont have a plan for my life. n if i did it went away like a sand of dust blown away. Im not scared of death n im not scared of dying. if i wanted to kill myself i will bc im not scared of doing it. i kno it seems like i wouldnt but im not scared. i really dont care wat people try or do for me anymore bc it doesnt fase me. sence i was little i hated my life. I hated everything bout myself. I hated tat the way i was the way i couldnt be like anyone else n couldnt be smart n go to college or get a job or anything else. but im not comparing myself to anyone so dont say tat. i have all the symptoms of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome n it bothers me i kno i laugh bout it but im still dperessed bout it. Sometimes i have my good days n bad days. Sometimes im happy then one min im depressed. so i hate being like this...sooo

Im sry its so Long

[Believe.]

it's okay, i've written longer. =) and i want to be your friend.. it sounds tough what you've been through, i'm so sorry about your best friend. It's nice that you're at peace with death but please don't go just yet.. please stay much longer! you can talk to me whenever you like! i'm not sure i'll give the best advice but i'll listen.

[Lovehatelife23]

Ya ive been through alot in my years. But i feel tat it will affect me somehow in later in life. I keep on telling everyone but they wont listen to me. So i gave up on saying tat. I dont care anymore.

[Believe.]

That sounds horrible, well what do you mean? =(

[Lovehatelife23]

Well wat i mean is Tat i try to tell people tat wat is Haunting me is the PAST n i feel like when i get older it will hit me one day n Ruin my whole life. But when i tell people they think NO IT WONT! Sooo idk anymore...