Triggering (SH): addiction??

[x_sepi_x]

i try so hard not to cut but the urges are just soo strong. especially in the last couple of weeks, alot of crap has been going on and the only way i can deal with it is by cutting. lastnight i was really pissed off and emotional and just in a total state and i knew that the only way i would feel better was by cutting, i tried not to, i avoided going to my bedroom coz i knew that if i went there i wud definately cut so i went out into the street, played hide n seek wiv me little brother, listened to music, i came bak in at half 8, i even washed ma hair to kill time but sill that horrible feeling was there. it was like a voice in my head saying 'cut, cut cut' and in the end i knew i wud have to do it. i went to my room about half 11 and then i just cut myself with a blade. i cu once and watched the blood come out, i cut again and watched the blood come out and then i cut again and again and again. i got the satisfaction i needed once i saw the blood and then i felt better... i reallly really want to stop doing it but i can't. i hate scars that stay for months after, i wish they could just disappear..

there's something else i tend to do when im cutting, i do certain number of cuts. is dis normal?? i tend to do 8 cuts most of the time, or groups of four.. does anybody else do this or is it just me??

[solost10]

Yea I usually cut in groups or something of that sorts. Keep trying to fight it though eventually you distracting yourself will work.

[thewickedcity]

It's great that you were able to distract yourself from it for so long.. you're a strong person. I know you gave in at the end, but don't feel bad about it.. it happens to all of us. You should feel good about the fact that you fought the urge for so long.. it's a win all in itself. Keep trying to distract yourself, keep fighting the urge.. it gets easier after awhile. Good luck :]

[Batman.]

When I cut, I don't think about the numbers or anything, but I visually assess whether the cuts are even or not. Although, it usually is an even number, but I don't obsess over it, due to the fact I don't exactly plan out my cutting.

[Morgan.]

Thats good that your trying to distract yourself. And for the scars. I have this body butter stuff from bath and body works and it has helped to reduce my scaring. So try that and maybe it will help get rid of some of your scars to. I useto do it where evern. like not nesescarly in groups or anything.

[x_sepi_x]

hi everybody, thanks so much for all your comments.. i still feel so crap, after i cut sum of dat anger inside me escaped but there is still alot there, i haven't got the urge to cut yet but i know it will come, even sooner if sumone pisses me off or something bad happens, but i don't want to cut anymore, i don't know how to stop..

Hey Saba, good job distracting yourself for so long! That shows great strength.

It's wonderful that you don't want to cut anymore! But you're right, it definitely is hard to overcome self-harm on your own. Is there someone in your life whom you could talk to at all?

Take care!

[x_sepi_x]

i don't really feel comfortable talking about it to any one, there's very few people who know i cut, due to the fact i can't trust people.. i talk to my councellor but its still hard not to do it

[Im here to help]

distractions are great when having a problem with cutting. it wasnt SEEING the blood come out that gave you satisfaction it is a hormone thats released in your brain. The best thing to do is find another (non self harming) thing you can do to help you. Acting, hobbies, sports, are just a few.

[Ess The Morgenstern *]

well done, at least you tried to fight it. It's hard to talk about it with people around you, but they may re willing to help you so you can call them or stay with them when you feel like cutting.
Also, when you want to do that, do a possitive thing instead, what you like the most, after that you'll realize you did right, and that feeling will last longer than the feeling which comes out from cutting.
All the best xx