I hate this addiction

[Magical Forest.]

2 Months and 1 Week of no SH.
2 Months and 1 Week of absolute torture.

This is the longest I've ever been without self harm, I don't even feel that proud of it. I mean, yeah there's a part of me thats thinking "well done, you've come so far" but there's a bigger part of me thats saying "get that blade, drag it across your arm/legs/stomach, you'll feel much better. think of that release, think of how peaceful you'll feel"

I hate that voice, I want to do well... But I want to feel the amazingness that I used to feel, my old lover, my old friend. The one who supported me through everything yet made me hurt so much.

[Power Cosmic]

2 Months and a week...that is really good, though I know you don't need me to tell you this, but congratulations, you really have gone a long way.
Listen to the first voice though, the one that says well done, and that you've done well. Since thats the voice that is you. You know that it isn't good for you, you know that there are alternatives, other ways that are better and safer than SH...
Don't give up Hannah. =)

[*Jen*]

Hey Hannah,
You are doing so well! Don't listen to the voice because you are much stronger than that. You don't want to throw away 2 months and 1 week. Think about how bad you would feel if you did end up self harming. Keep holding on and take each day at a time then it might seem slightly more managable. Don't give up :-)

[reflection_of_who]

So you've not self harmed for 2 months and a week and basically you want to shove it all and relapse back into old habits. Would it help maybe to think of the bigger picture..that self harm is an addiction and the will to not cut has to come from you. No amount of help will really stop you cutting yourself, that bit has to come from you. So you continue to cut for example and eventually you go to hospital, get stitches, hit an artery..if this happens then either a) you'll die which is so so unlikely b) you'll damage yourself a bit and paralyse yourself (for example severe nerve damage)...now you're in a worse position, not only are you miserable but you're paralysed too! c) you'll be okay. They stitch you up and you're fine. You get assessed by some health team, they'll probably send you home..and you keep doing it nothing will come of it, eventually the health team will probably stop visiting. They'll just keep stitching you back up and sending you home...and eventually you'll probably realise that there's not that much anyones going to do to help you. There's no point to keep doing it, the help you want probably won't come given crap mental health services...long story short...at some point you'll realise that you have to get better. You'll realise that you probably can't die...and so would you rather live and give yourself the best chance at being happy..or will you keep cutting and live with some sort of damage.
At some point you kind of have to get better...whether its now or later...so now that you've made a start, doing your 2 months and one week another time will be just as lame. So carry on.
Aim to stop listening to the crap record that's on repeat in your head and try and be mindful. (maybe google mindfulness) so when you're out look at opportunities around you, take them up. Give yourself a chance at being happy. When you're walking around look at the trees, when you're washing the dishes concentrate on the soapy water...write lists of things you're going to do. Make arrangements that are incompatible with your old habits..eventually new habits will form even though it's hard. You didn't become an avid self harmer over night..it'll take a while to get out of it. I know this post is really wishy washy..but I can relate in some ways...and these are a few bits and pieces that helped me. Look after yourself, cos everyones pretty selfish and nobody will do it for you. x

[Katieee]

Hun, please don't give in. You're doing so well. I know it's hard but hang in there. It's OK and normal to feel like that. Ignore their every word. Stay strong, hun. *HUGS*

[Magical Forest.]

Keep getting images in my head of cutting deep on my arm. Its horrible yet wonderful at the same time.
I want to be better. I've had enough of this shit, 5 years of constant self harm is hard.
I know how far i've come, yet it seems so far from home, what i'm so used to being.
If i go back to self harm, it'll lead to severe depression, bad eating, suicide attempts, psychiatric hospitals. Thats what's happened in the past.
I want to listen to the good voice, but the bad voice is strong, and I dont know how long I can fight it...

[StarCrossedKid]

You summed up the feeling so well. Sometimes you realize how far you've come when you least expect it. Its hard to explain really but if you do just keep going then it will pay off. Well done so far your doing so well!

[losing touch.]

Keep going Hannah, you can do it! 2 months and 1 week is awesome! just try to keep your mind distracted, i know how hard it is but you don't need to cut, you don't need it.. just make it through each day! you're doing great. <3