His possible addiction...

[OurLovesSublime]

I apologize in advance… this is going to be really long. Most of this is just a rant and really not important information. I just needed to vent… Plus, I really need help with my husband’s possible porn addiction and how to get over it.

Anyway, I though I was over it… well, not even really over but I thought I had at least accepted it. I know my husband looks at porn, has looked at porn since we’ve been together and did well before we met each other.

He was lonely. At 22 I was only his second real girlfriend. He lost his virginity to me. Porn was the only sexual release he had until he met me. But the porn carried over into our relationship, probably because he’d already been watching it for so long.

When we first started having sex he had trouble keeping an erection. We planned on using condoms, but had to give up because he couldn’t keep an erection long enough to get one on. We had to wait a couple of extra months so that I could go on birth control. I thought the erection troubles were due to nerves… I was his first and it was pretty late in life for him. He had already graduated from college and everything you know?

Turns out it was the porn causing our problems. He would watch it and pleasure himself to it multiple times a day (3-5 times… then after a few months of having sex only on the weekends he would 2-3 times a day.) By the time we would see each other on the weekend, he wouldn’t have it in him to really be able to have decent sex with me.

After we moved in together I could tell a difference in our sex life instantly. Well, because when I was living there he never had a chance to watch porn anymore. Until one night we got into a fight and he ended up sleeping on the couch (where the computer is also located.) He ended up looking at porn multiple times that night. The next day he apologized and kept telling me how sorry he was, but he must not have felt that bad for what happened if he spent half the night looking at other girls.

From that night on he would watch porn every second he got the chance… while I was still asleep in bed in the morning/ while I was in the shower/ while I was at class. But the thing is, he still wanted sex, it was just like we couldn’t as much anymore because he felt the need to look at porn. And it hurt because I felt like he has always chosen it over me.

We eventually had a major talk, and I told him I really couldn’t put up with him doing this behind my back. I even offered to watch it with him. And things were good for awhile. Even though I still suspect that he does it here and there, it hasn’t been affecting our sex life anymore.

Well, we were in the car over the weekend and we were talking about what type of birth control we should use now that I’m not pregnant anymore. I said we can’t use condoms because they didn’t work the first time around. He basically said they didn’t work the first time around because he couldn’t get good erections (because of the porn.) Before this weekend I had never put the two together… I always though we couldn’t use them because he was nervous, not because of the porn. So this caused all these feelings to resurface… why couldn’t he control himself more during the week? Especially when he knew it was causing problems? And I know we only saw each other on weekends, but you’d think since he was a virgin he’d be more interested in having good sex with me over watching so much porn during the week.

Basically, how do I get over this? I feel dumb because this was over a year ago… but, now that we are married and have a baby I’m so afraid it’s going to happen again…