Numb addiction.

[Lil-x]

I'm getting in even more of a mess. Making it worse for myself. I keep drinking all the time to numb my feelings. So i'm so drunk i don't think. I always drink alone. I don't know what to do, I either cut, purge or get really, really drunk.

It's pretty extreme, I know it's not good for me, I just dont care anymore.

But, for this one thing, I actually want help. I'm so addicted to the numbness, am I an alcoholic?

It's really bad, like every night. Just get so completely smashed, and tonight I haven't because well I can't find any alcohol. I'm going crazy without it.

What should I do as an alternative to make myself feel numb, my journals at home. I've tried physical stuff like dancing to paramore, but things are screwing me up.

AGH! Help me, please.

[ThePunkAlien]

I'm sorry that I don't know what would help, cause I'm kinda going down the same road. Don't have easy access to alcohol at the moment, but when I do - just want to keep on drinking, wake up and take a drink, etc. Most drink to have fun with their friends, for me - it's self-medicating. I can say the most fucked up shit when I'm drunk - such as telling someone my cousin died without having any emotion tied to it. So rather than completely forgetting things, it just - I get to the point where it doesn't matter anymore, where I don't care. And I like that, not caring enough to feel. When I get to college I know I'm going to hit rock bottom this year.

I don't even know why I typed this, just guess to tell you that you're not alone.

[Synaestheasiaen]

You just answered your own question dear. If you didn't care about anything you're doing anymore you wouldn't have seeked help or asked people about your addictions. I think you need to tell someone and try going to AA meetings or rehab or atleast see a therapist for a bit. I know it's hard taking the next step, but you can do it.

[MechanicGodCreation]

I think you may have a big problem on your hands, I really think that you should look into this. Some kind of alcohol counsellling or AA meetings something to keep your mind off it and keep you strong while trying to change.

I know it seems attractive because it can make you forget things, give you more confidence, and just have all these seemingly good side affects. But trust me, it's certainly not worth it once you get too far down the road. I'm really happy that you've decided you want help for this and I really hope you see it through.

Good luck and don't ever hesitate to PM me if you need help with this, or anything.

[ThePunkAlien]

Well not so much as numb as it just makes everything go away - figured out the best remedy is taking a huge gulp of what people usually take gulps of. Don't know about numb though, I just explode with anger - like fucking ripping apart the room while cursing my fucking good for nothing father. I hate the bastard!!!