I fucked up

[Proud90sKid]

I am dependent on benzos and also an alcoholic. Im a grown dude but weigh like a light girl (partially because of the alcohol induced pancreatitis Ive developed reducing nutrient absorbtion AND appetite) but I literally cannot even feel 8 drinks at all and am barely even feeling 12. No exaggeration(though I wish it wasnt true) I just want to quit. Thats my long term goal. Short term goal though is to drink to alleviate the literal shakes. These goals sort of "collide" and dont mix. I feel Ive messed up pretty bad.

Cant remember the last day I didnt drink. And I cannot remember the most recent day I didnt technically binge drink.... been too long and Ive had maybe 3 alcohol free days so far in 2024. And each of those days were involuntary. Have had 4 attacks of pancreatitis since the end of 2023.

Yes, in case you were wondering: I am a full blown alcoholic.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

You said you just want to quit, and that's important. It shows you're ready to take the next step!

Alcohol is one of those things that can be dangerous to go off of if you are dependent on it because it can cause seizures and other symptoms. Do you think you can get into a detox or rehabilitation program that will help you go off the alcohol in a safe way? Your insurance might cover it. They will be able to provide medical intervention if necessary and try to make the process of detoxing at least a tiny bit more comfortable for you, although it will still not feel good.