My dad drinks too much

[Odyne]

I'm writing here cause I really feel so alone
My dad drinks too much and I dont know what to do anymore.
My brother won't help me talk to our father, so I feel completely alone, and it's just hard.

I really wanna help my dad, but I dont know how or what to say.
It's just hard watching him drink so much and destroy himself.
It breaks my heart

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Hey,

I'm so sorry you're going through this.


I know your brother won't talk to him about this but I still think it's worth sitting down with him during a time when he isn't under the influence and is in a relatively good mood. Maybe you can say that you have noticed that he has been drinking a lot lately and you are worried about him. You can also give him a few examples of things that have either impacted you or caused you concern related to his drinking. If he resists don't yell at him or argue with him but let him know you're there for him if he ever changes his mind in the future. Just in case he IS willing to get help, maybe you can find some resources local to you that can offer him more support.

I don't know where you're located but around here there are Al-Anon groups specifically for family members of alcoholics, so maybe you can see if your location has something like that. The people in that group will probably have similar experiences to you and be able to offer you support.

[WhisperingSilence]

hi, I know how you feel. My dad is an alcoholic, a functional alcoholic (that means he functions fine during the day and can function but drinks alot in the evenings).
There is not really a-lot you can do in terms of getting him to stop drinking, if you are going to try and talk to him it would be best to try and do so when he's sober/not had a drink and is in a good mood.
If you don't feel able to talk to him like in person could you write it down in a letter to him or something like that and let him read it in his own time?


I'm not like sure what country you are in, if you are in the uk theres a place/helpline (they have forums and email too) called NACOA - you might find it helpful to talk to them. their website is www.nacoa.org.uk
they have alot of information etc on their website, you can also ring them on 0800 358 3456

Even if you aren't in the uk you can still access the website and look at the information on there, if you are in the uk you can ring them on the above number.

[Moxie.]

Hey Lucy,

Loving an addict can be challenging and painful. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through that.

Even though your brother isn't willing to join you in having a conversation with your dad, it may still be worthwhile for you to talk to him on your own. Sometimes, one of the best things we can do for addicts in our lives is remind them that we still care and that we still believe that they can recover from their addiction. Keep in mind that the conversation may become emotional or that your dad may become argumentative, particularly if he doesn't see his alcohol consumption as a problem. Because of that, it might be helpful for you to write down what you'd like to say to help keep you on track. You can remind your dad how much you love him and let him know that you're worried about him. Let him know that you are there to support him and that you want to see him be healthy again. It may even be helpful for you to research some recovery resources in case your dad decides that he does want to get help.

It is also possible that your dad won't be receptive to what you have to say. People with substance addictions typically won't recover until they truly feel ready. While he might be ready now (and I hope he is!), it's just as possible that he won't be. While it's definitely okay for you to feel whatever emotions come up, do your best not to yell or start an argument with him, as that could shut him down more. Instead, calmly remind him that you love him and that you will be there to support him whenever he does decide that he's ready. You may also want to take a self-assessment of your own ability to handle his alcoholism. Ask yourself if it is still healthy for you to be in his life. If it is, great! Keep showing up and showing him love and compassion. But, if you find that it isn't healthy, it's okay to take a step back for a while.

Caring for an alcoholic is challenging, so it's vitally important that you take care of yourself as well. Perhaps you could research support groups, such as Al-Anon, in your area. Being able to talk to others who understand what you're going through can be a huge help in relieving some of the emotional burden. If support groups aren't accessible to you, perhaps you can talk to a close friend or family member about what you're feeling. You might also want to take part in self-care activities, whatever that looks like for you. The important thing is that you continue to make your needs and well-being a priority.

If there is anything I can do to help, please don't hesitate to reach out.

Take care,
Sam

[subornawoh]

Just tell him how his drinking makes you feel and why you’re worried about him. It’s not about pointing fingers or making him feel bad—it’s about showing that you care and want him to feel better.

[Dawn.]

Hi Lucy,
I'm sorry to hear about your dad. It is never easy to watch a loved one struggle with substance abuse.
My only advice is to speak to your dad about how you feel and that you will be there to support him. As others have said, he will get the help he needs when he himself is ready.
You can always get in contact with groups that will be able to not only support your dad but you and your family as well.
I'm sorry I couldn't be more of assistance, but I hope I did help to an extent.

[Hiraeth.]

I'm sorry you're dealing with an alcoholic parent. I have a functional alcoholic for a parent, and it's not easy. Something my therapist told me is that I cannot make the parent stop drinking, I cannot shame them for drinking, because these things will only antagonize them and further their anger. I would instead suggest talking to your brother, but I understand siblings can be dismissive as well especially when they're close to that alcoholic parent.

I think WhisperingSilence offered some useful resources, especially if you're in the UK!

Most importantly, don't forget to take care of yourself. Your mental health and well-being matters too!

Wishing you the best of luck. Feel free to reach out again if you need to.

[Loo1ksee]

Just tell him how his drinking makes you feel and why you’re worried about him. It’s not about pointing fingers or making him feel bad—it’s about showing that you care and want him to feel better.
Sometimes, just letting someone know how much their actions affect you can stick with them, even if it doesn’t seem like it right away.
If he’s open to it, maybe bring up places like Abbeycare that help people figure out why they drink and how to deal with it. It’s not just about quitting—it’s about getting to the root of what’s going on

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

I'm sorry about this and what you are going through. I hope that you will be okay soon.